Was I right to inform HV?

[horseyhorsey123]

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

I didn't call HV specifically for this. I called about an issue with my own DD and mentioned it after.

You didn’t make a big song and dance about you just mentioned it in passing so the hv can do what they need with the information so to me you did the right thing

Yes, YABU. Your friend's baby is the concern of your friend and her HV. It's not for you to tell tales on her - however benignly - for not doing things the way you would. It's not like the baby is being abused in this situation - you just don't approve of the choice your friend has made. You also appear to have assumed that a) you know more about your friend's circumstances than she does and b) that she wouldn't have discussed it with her own HV anyway.

It also sounds like your HV has been very unprofessional in interfering, instead of trusting her colleague.

It sounds like you're coming from a place of caring and don't want your friend to be troubled so if I were you I would mention that you spoke to your HV about it so your friend isn't blindsided if there are repercussions.

You did the right thing. The baby has only been in the world for 12 weeks and needs nothing but milk until 6 months! The baby has to at least be able to hold its head and sit up by itself.

It won’t be put down as safeguarding; more as advice for the Mum. If a parent decides to wean at 3 months health visitors don’t like it but they also don’t do much about it.
I think it’s fair enough to mention it so the friend can get some professional advice

You did the right thing. It's not "telling tales" like a PP claimed. It's protecting a child.

I don't think you were right.

HV are there to inform on guidelines or to take safeguarding action. Safeguarding is non negotiable. Guidelines aren't. But the line can get blurred and it sounds like the last thing your friend needs is extra pressure on her parenting decisions.

I say that as someone who follows all guidelines religiously btw.

At some point you will want to cosleep, wean early or late, send/ not send your child to nursery, etc. Are you prepared to be reported?

My HV hasn't been interfering or unprofessional. She said she'd pass it on to the HV concerned. Not sure how that's unprofessional.

My daughter was weaned from 4 months . What is it with modern weaning?
Have you asked your friend why she's planning on weaning? Hungry baby maybe?

That by itself will not be a safeguarding concern. The HV might call her to suggest a visit/come to be weighed etc. My friend's HV had a chat with her about weaning due to difficult early weight gain, so I imagine they will phrase it sensitively e.g. suggest it's routine. There will be no need to take it further e.g. safeguarding in the absence of other concerns. Your friend might agree with the HV and wean early anyway of course, but the HV wouldn't know.

You have massively overstepped the mark. It is none of your business. If I were your friend our friendship would be over.

I don't think you should have done it I'm afraid, if I were your friend I would feel you had broken my trust.

I hope nothing comes of it for her.

"I wasn't reporting her as such..." FFS, mind your own business.

I'm not saying all guidelines have to be followed religiously. As I said in my OP, if the HV says to crack on, fair enough. If someoneone with a 5 month old weens their child. Fine. I'm not saying everyone has to wait until 6 months exactly. 3 months just seems a bit early if a professional hasn't advised it's the right thing to do. The child can't hold her head up very well at all.

Yanbu. There is no need to wean a 3 month old baby for no medical reason. Crazy. I hope her hv talks to her and she listens.

I don't get why you thought you needed to interfere in the first place? Why did you think your friend wouldn't speak to her own HV about it...?

3 months is very early. But it wasn't your place to alert the HV, and you may have caused your friend problems by doing so. HVs can be a bit overzealous sometimes, and if this one decides there is a safeguarding issue then your friend could be in for a rough ride.

'Not your circus not your monkeys' OP

there are many reasons why people choose to wean early... Im pretty sure u and lots of other perfectly healthy adults were weaned at this age too..... and look we are all still here!

I wouldnt be surprised if this comes to bite you on the arse seeing as you both share the same group of HV.

OP what you don't seem to get is your friend can "crack on" regardless of whether the HV says it is okay.

I am sure she is aware of the guidance - if she isn't you can tell her informally. She doesn't need intervention.

Again I say this as someone who waited until exactly 6mos and 3 days to wean and silently disapproved of mums who didn't. But it was their choice.

I don't know why people get so uptight about weaning guidelines. Firstly they are just that - guidelines, and secondly like most stuff of this nature the 'guidelines' change all the damn time. Not that long ago it was 4 months for weaning. It was 3 months at one point and i'm sure in the future it might be 8 months.
I'm not sure how you found it worthy of mention at all.

YANBU at all. You mentioned it in the context of discussing weaning, she decided it was worth passing on for extra support. No biggie at all, and if her HV has any nous she'll make it part of a routine chat not go in guns blazing :)

I'd be pissed if you were my friend and had done that, did she go on at you when you were raising your baby? You said she hasn't done this yet, it's none of your business

Well, you did report her, as such. But it’s done now.

YABU

I know it's early but I don't think you should have told the HV.

I weaned my dd 16 years ago at 16 weeks on the advice of a HV, admittedly not 3 months though.

I reckon in a hundred years we won't wean at all.