Was I right to inform HV?

[horseyhorsey123]

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

YABU.

Massively inappropriate. It sounds from your OP like she is thinking of starting 'soon' so by soon, she could mean tomorrow or she could mean 2 months. Do you actually know? Maybe she is just excited, or wanted to discuss it with someone as she doesn't go to baby groups etc - maybe she feels a bit isolated.

I am assuming it is not like she has already given her child steak and chips with some coke to wash it all down with?

If you were any kind of friend you would keep talking about it and find her some up to date information to read so she can educate herself rather than talking behind her back.

You will make decisions about your children that other people don't agree with - I hope you are ready to soak up all of their unsolicited advice!

Weaned all of mine at 3 months as that was the advice at the time. All are strapping healthy late teens/twenties with no digestive problems and best of all slept like logs.

Different advice in different times. Ultimately it's advice .

You told the HV. You say you didn't report her, but you did - you reported something. That thrHV vknsuders ti be a safeguarding issue? Really? Re a safeguarding issue. Would be the end of the Friendship for me.

Some people do start part-weaning at 3 months ie introduce certain foods especially if baby seems hungry. Without asking your friend further questions I think you were very silly to mention it to a HV. I doubt they’ll take this as a safeguarding issue but if I was your friend I wouldn’t trust you with information again.

@Graphista haha funnily enough he’s my wee brother, must be a wee sibling thing!

I absolutely agree, this Mum is under loads of pressure and needs support. Not “friends” cliping to HVs.

This sounds like the last thing she needed. You've got a weird idea of being a friend to someone!

The suggestion by WHO to exclusively breastfeed (not formula feed) until 6 months was in order to reduce the rates of gastroenteritis in less developed countries.

The link I posted has this section which shows just how conflicted the various experts are:

1.4 No evidence of harm in early weaning

In developed countries there are no reported disadvantages to beginning weaning onto solid foods between 4 and 6 months compared with waiting until 6 months (EFSA 2009).

A recent study of hospitalisation rates due to gastroenteritis or respiratory tract infection in the UK showed that these rates were higher in infants fed on infant formula compared to infants being breastfed but were unrelated to the age at which term infants, regardless of their milk feed, are weaned onto solid food (Quigley et al 2009). This study questions the findings by Forsyth in 1993 that respiratory rates of infections were higher in those weaned before 8 weeks compared to those weaned after 12 weeks (Forsyth et al 1993). Platt argues that there is no evidence of harm even within populations that begin weaning within a few days of birth (Platt 2009).

I absolutely agree, this Mum is under loads of pressure and needs support. Not “friends” cliping to HVs.

It's a health visitor, not the Gestapo! Her job is to provide support. She's not going to send the friend off to the gulags.

@53rdWay right, and involving professionals before she’s even starting weaning is so much more supportive than just being a friend eh?

Professionals whose job it is to give advice and support on things like weaning? You talk about 'involving professionals' like she's called the police.

53rd way - depends on the hv - there are some who very much think their job is to "police" mum's into following every "rule".

My 1st was like this - no children, no childcare experience, didn't even have siblings BUT she knew it all because "that's what the book/s/experts say" bloody hated her! Thankfully she left my area.

2nd was fab, 4 of her own, open minded, LISTENED and never claimed to be "font of all knowledge" on babies even though she had 20 years experience.

@53rdWay the Mum is already involved in a custody battle. Believe me when I tell you every tiny little thing is scrutinised and twisted during a custody battle. So in this instance, she may as well have called SS!

Leaving all the rest to one side, she’s going to think it was her ex who reported her.

And that’s helpful. Much.

And if she's going through a nasty custody battle, presumably she will NOT want her ex going "also she started weaning the baby at 3 months and didn't even speak to a health visitor about it!"

Who do you think you are? What gives you the authority to try and preach to your 'friend' about the way she chooses to raise her children? It's got absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Are you always such an interfering busy body?

I hope your friend tells you to fuck off next time she sees you after she's had an HV rock up at her door offering advice she never asked for.

@smarmydrippings
OP phone your friend now and tell her about that conversation. Because after all you have 'done the right thing'.
Then come back and tell us how that goes for you both.

That is a very good point.

Ring your friend if you feel it was right and tell her that you have had a message sent to her health visitor to come give her advice on weaning.

I doubt you will though as I don't think you thought it was the right thing at all.

Miaow - excellent point about this mother now wondering who ELSE has it in for her.

Op do the decent thing and tell her - and reap the consequences which I suspect will be her telling you to get lost. Awful thing to do at any time but in her current circumstances...

Made things more stressful not less - good friends lessen stress they don't add to it.

While I am in the weaning later camp, I don't see what business it is of yours to mention tbh. Unless the baby is directly at risk. While weaning early is not needed or ideal, it's not a safeguarding issue.

OP you've done the wrong thing- I would be furious if that happened to me. She hasn't even weaned her yet!!!! Overstepped the mark big time.
I'm very surprised the HV didn't tell you to step back and mind your own concerns.

The likelihood is that the HV wont do anything about this. These are guidelines, people are given information so they can make educated choices. If they choose to go against guidelines, that’s up to them. It’s not a safeguarding concern.

YABU Your 'friend' has done nothing wrong.

I’m not sure why you thought it was anybody’s buisness but hers.

It’s not even yours.
Guidelines are just that they are advice that people can choose to take or leave, and I’m a fan of 6 month weaning