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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I right to inform HV?

242 replies

horseyhorsey123 · 17/01/2018 17:28

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

OP posts:
Graphista · 17/01/2018 18:13

@notreallyarsed yea I don't see op as being a true friend to this mum at all, somethings off. Hmm

MimpiDreams · 17/01/2018 18:13

I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on.

Except the experts don't agree on it. The most up to date research shows that waiting until 6 months can be detrimental. Some countries have already gone back to recommending 4 months on the back of this. UK advice is behind the times.

Either way, they're only guidelines not gospel. You'd never darken my doorstep again if you meddled in my parenting like this. You're no friend.

Saz1995 · 17/01/2018 18:16

Keep your nose out of other people's business

Notreallyarsed · 17/01/2018 18:16

@Graphista it seems to be doesn’t it? It’s the naming of the friend and her HV that stands out to me.

ButterflyOnTheWindow · 17/01/2018 18:17

I weaned all 3 of mine at 14/16 weeks. Just some mashed up rusk or baby rice. It was recommended at the time and pretty commonplace.
It's not difficult to tell, if the baby isn't ready.

I think you've interfered and if she finds out that you've gossiped about her I doubt she'll be pleased.

sallyarmy1 · 17/01/2018 18:17

You gave YOUR HV your 'friends' name and address?

And then say you wasn't 'reporting' her?

Seriously?

You could have just asked your HV's opinion on what your friend was proposing to do with her baby.

You didn't have to mention names etc.

I hope this 'friend' realises, before it's too late, that you are not really a friend :(

Bluedoglead · 17/01/2018 18:18

You wouldn’t be my friend any longer if I found you’d reported me for that.

Massive overstepping of the mark there.

Original poster
horseyhorsey123 · 17/01/2018 18:19

No I'm a genuine person. Not my friend's partner/sister/mother etc etc He's a dick. Everyone is so suspicious here.

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 17/01/2018 18:19

And you didn’t “just mention” it. You cliped.

53rdWay · 17/01/2018 18:20

YANBU. You didn’t order the HV to go round there. HV made her own decision to raise it with the other HV, because she felt that was appropriate. It’s her job, her call. (Clearly many on here feel she should have checked with Mumsnet posters rather than using her professional judgement, but ah well Wink )

Notreallyarsed · 17/01/2018 18:20

@horseyhorsey123

If she asked if it was you who told the HV would you be honest?

Original poster
horseyhorsey123 · 17/01/2018 18:20

Wait, address? When did I provide my friend's name and address? Just the babys name. That's it. Now people are inventing details.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 17/01/2018 18:20

OP, this makes me really uncomfortable for the reasons given. You specifically named your friend. Plus you know she’s going through a custody battle. If social services get involved they WILL speak to health visitors. So you’ll be giving her extra worry. On top of all that weaning guidance is just that; guidance

Mulch · 17/01/2018 18:21

You advocated for a baby that can't speak up. I don't see anything wrong with it

2cats2many · 17/01/2018 18:21

Definitely don't tell your friend that you did this. It will be the end of your friendship for sure.

Bluedoglead · 17/01/2018 18:21

You gave enough detail that the other HV will know who it is. You know that. Ffs.

Notreallyarsed · 17/01/2018 18:21

You gave the baby’s name, which means the HV will be able to identify the mum. Might as well have given the address.

Original poster
horseyhorsey123 · 17/01/2018 18:21

Bear with me, I'm cooking dinner. But please don't let your imaginations go into overdrive in the meantime.

OP posts:
Aftereights91 · 17/01/2018 18:22

I think as a friend you should trust her judgement as a parent on things like that tbh. I weaned my little boy at 14 weeks last year. Didn't consult any health professionals, new the guidelines etc but as a mother I knew the milked wasn't filling him. I'm talking weeks and weeks of drinking up to 12oz of hungry baby milk every 2 hours, drinking so much that he'd throw it up and then want more because he was still hungry. Milk just wasn't cutting it for him. I'm his mother and I knew he needed more than that. Maybe you should extend the same courtesy to your friend

Strongmummy · 17/01/2018 18:22

Op - you identified the child. You allowed your HV to make contact with the parent.

Nimmykins · 17/01/2018 18:24

Six months weaning guidelines are not new, they're about 14 years old now.

Know better, do better and early weaning puts children at risk of IBS and other gastric illnesses in adulthood.

I was weaned at four months, I am not alright.

Glitterspy · 17/01/2018 18:24

The HV is there to talk about you and your baby not gossip about others.

I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood

That doesn't ring true at all.

YABU

Oysterbabe · 17/01/2018 18:24

All the people talking about the guidelines changing a few years ago, the recommendation to wait until 6 months started in 2003, so 15 years ago. It's not new advice or a passing fad.

Commuterface · 17/01/2018 18:26

You needed to have minded your own bloody business! I am astonished that you think you were doing her a favour my calling her out to the HV when she is already going through the stress of a custody battle. Jesus with friends like you...

SparklyMagpie · 17/01/2018 18:27

You say you didn't give your friends name but you gave her babies name which the HV can easily identify your "friend" if she said she'd speak to her HV

this has actually angered me, as another poster has said,if she's going through a custody battle, you've just added extra shit

I don't see why you'd mention this to your HV if you didn't want them to "have a word" with her??

Can't stand busy bodies who have to meddle in other people's choices

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