Was I right to inform HV?

[horseyhorsey123]

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

www.theguardian.com/society/2016/mar/04/early-introduction-peanuts-eggs-cuts-allergy-risk-eat-study Your friend clearly knows more than you do about early weaning, so maybe stop talking shit about her

I'd be hurt tbh. I don't like being preached at by someone who had no medical training. What would have been better would have been to ask her why she wants to wean Early and ask her if she has read the most up to date research. Perhaps she had and she had reached this conclusion all by herself.
If she then showed an interest in your opinion, then you give it. Not before. And you certainly don't go and tell tales behind her back.
I, too, would like to know what your friend will say if you tell her what you've done. After all, if you've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to hide!

Not sure why you would do this to a friend? If you were really concerned why wouldn't you send her some info or ask the health visitor for a leaflet on weaning and pass it on? Seems more like you wanted a good gossip with the HV about it to be honest. Anyway it's done now
But I'm sorry I can't tell you it was the right thing to do

Face it OP.
No one likes a snitch.

"I think there are posters on here who have had the luxury of never being scrutinised by professionals during a custody battle. You’ve no idea the ridiculous shit that can be twisted, especially in a bitter battle."

Even in my tame by comparison contact hearings with my ex - the crap he came up with was unreal. His solicitor tried to twist EVERYTHING even my facial expressions.

3 months is a bit early
I remember it being told 6months
because of the tummy not being able to cope

Anyone noticing OP is gone???
🤔

OP?

I lived abroad when mine were babies and you could buy Hipp purées That were “from 9 weeks”.

@Graphista it’s unreal what they’ll twist isn’t it?
I naively believed that child welfare hearings were about the truth and prioritising the needs of the child. Not so. As I found out to my (and most importantly) DS1s cost.

Notreallyarsed sorry you've been through that. In my case there were the most bizarre outright lies plus all the twisting. The irony in my case has been ex making out he was SO hard done by - he hasn't even phoned dd now for YEARS I don't think he'd recognise her if she passed him in the street.

Bloody hell I would be seriously pissed off if you were my friend. I really cannot see how you came to give your friend's name to the HV. Even if you had said that someone you know was thinking of weaning earlier, how do you go from a casual remark to giving their name to your HV?? You need to have a word with yourself about minding your own business. Many babies in the past were weaned earlier. It may not be current guidance but her baby is safe and cared for.

I really do think that is overstepping the mark - plenty of my friends (and indeed my daughters) have made decisions that I do not agree with in relation to their children, but unless it was seriously life-threatening I would see it as none of my business to comment, let alone mention it to the HV. Your friend will have a HV of her own who will have been advising her regardless of you flagging it up.

As a baby I was given spoonfuls of baby rice to get me to sleep from a few weeks old and I watched my parents do this with my little sister. We are all still here and thriving! It was all the rage then.

When my children were babies the recommendation was 3 months. There's no way my DS would have lasted until 6 months on milk alone.

I doubt much will be done. The advice is 6 months but parents will make their own choices and not always the most informed. The baby isn't in any immediate danger where anything will be done other than advice given. Same as if parents choose to sleep their baby on their tummy.
I had the opposite happen with me. I waited until 6 months to wean both of mine. Was actually more like 7 with dc 2 as they weren't interested at all. It wasn't that long ago so the advice was 6 months yet every time I saw my hv at weigh ins they were constantly asking me from about 4 months onwards why I hadn't started weaning.

Really that was very nasty of you. You don't sound like a good friend, knowing she is going through a big custody battle, and her not wanting to speak to HV about this. You betrayed her and went behind her back. You coukd have just asked your HV in passing without dropping names. Or e mailed some information for her. You woukd not be my friend anymore if I found out.

In my professional experience with health visitors, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Unless you persistently hounded her for about 3 weeks with it.

howthelightgetsin

So no one can have an opinion on the way other people parent?

Having a private opinion is ok. Telling a HV because you believe your way is best isn't.

We judge people all day every day

You might, I don't.

If you literally had no opinions on how others parent I would think it was weird.

Having an opinion is entirely different to judging.

Most UK health guidelines are a load of flipping bollocks anyway and even health professionals don't follow them. The guidelines for food intake and alcohol intake are completely unrealistic.

Alcohol guidelines in particular are a bit of a joke with professionals, we all know people who exceed the guidelines and live perfectly healthy lives into old age. That's because the guidelines say what is safe for disease prone adults with weak livers to drink, not healthy adults. They're pointless because so few people follow them.

UK health guidelines are so ridiculously risk averse they advise massive over caution and take a nannying hectoring attitude. I tend to look at advice from less hysterical countries like the US and Europe.

YABVU, what a 'friend' you are I bet by soon you mean when the baby is 4 months which there's lots of food that say they are suitable for 4m+! I started giving my DS very small amounts of Ella's kitchen at 4m ass he seemed to be permently hungry and no amount of milk was satisfying him and now at 5m it's still ongoing, he doesn't eat everyday though just on his extremely hungry days, we will get in more of a routine when he's 6mo. I would have been so pissed off if my 'friend' basically reported me for not doing things the same way, they are guidelines not rules, I wouldn't blame her at all if she dropped you as a friend.

I think the HV will have too big a caseload and more important matters to occupy her day, to take any action on what amounts to tittle-tattle. She probably dismissed it from her mind as soon as she'd finished talking to op. It's amazing how many people think their every word will be eagerly noted and acted upon. It's more common for information that should be passed on not to be communicated, within our hard-pressed NHS.

You're no friend to her, talk about kicking someone when they're down. It wasn't a passing comment you made, you went to the bother of giving her name and details to the HV and your comments about her are very judgemental. You come across as not really liking your so called friend.

I cannot help but think you're connected to the ex and are trying to throw crap at your "friend".

They change the bloody weaning guidelines all the time. It was 6 months for my first 4 months for my second. I've seen both as guidelines on parenting sites on the years between then and now. Now it's 6 months again. They should make up their minds.

The recommendation when I had my son 11 years ago was 4 months, I think you need to not gossip about your friend