Was I right to inform HV?

[horseyhorsey123]

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

According to friend, HV is very happy with her but is concerned only about the other parent. Friend won't discuss weaning with HV. Baby is feeding well on milk, no weight issues and not extra hungry.

I asked if maybe leaving it until 4 months would be a good idea, but she just said she's excited to get her eating.

Stop worrying your health visitor will handle this confidentialy and with sensitivity. They hear this all the time and unless it’s somthing to do with child protection they won’t won't be reporting it to any other agencies. They certainly won’t be going knocking on your friends door saying “your friend horsey says your gonna wean your baby early” don’t let it interfere with your relationship with your friend or your health visitor for that matter.

The only issue i have with your post is that it's showing so much disdain towards your friend. Basically someone that is making a different choice to you must be either dumb or uneducated.

I don’t think you should have said anything personally.

Jesus you sound like hard work OP and I'm glad I don't have friends like you

So you passed on your friends name and details to the HV? So she could inform the other HV? That's where the line has been crossed I think and it does feel like 'reporting her.' Intrusive I think.

Had it been a chat with you asking for info to pass back to your friend but with no specifics given then it'd be a different story.

Back in the day, gentle weaning started at 12 weeks, just a bit of rusk with a feed.

I think you did the right thing. Of course you didn't "report" her you just mentioned something as a friend.

It will not be a safe guarding issue.

Oh gosh I "lied" to my Hv and said the baby has a Moses basket.. She did she just didn't sleep in it. We coslept from birth but I wasn't going to be lectured about it by the Hv. It was the only way I would get any sleep. I hate to think of a "friend" reporting me. Some friend

I don't get the term "reported". Health visitors aren't the police you know.

I started weaning DS at about 15 weeks, he was FF and always hungry, my community nursery Nurse advised me to try him with a bit of risk and he loved it! He’s now 11 5ft 6 and perfectly fit and healthy.

You pretty much have reported your friend and really it’s none of your business!

I can't see how you could be talking to someone a health visitor about someone else unless you were gossiping ?

Back in the day, gentle weaning started at 12 weeks, just a bit of rusk with a feed.

Yes, and now food intolerances, allergies and IBS are much more common. I wonder why?!

YANBU OP. Weaning before 17 weeks carries risk to the baby (not least a choking risk!). I’d have done the same. If there’s nothing wrong with what she’s doing, the HV won’t have an issue with it, will she?

YABU. I didn't follow all the guidelines if my 'friend' had reported me I'd never speak to them again. Prepare for one hell of a fall out.

Christ, with friends like you, who needs enemies

Only a few years ago the official position was to wean at 4 months, a few weeks earlier if the baby was ready.

Really, who made you the Parenting Queen??

I'd dump you post haste! I really hope your hv saying "I'll pass it on, PROBABLY arrange a visit" was to placate you and not serious.

Not your baby not your business. They're guidelines NOT laws geez there's not even a legal requirement to SEE the hv, she's got a tiny baby AND she's dealing with a heap of crap from the ex!

As the saying goes "with friends like you..."

"Hadn't really understood" you can't POSSIBLY know that!

"Doesn't go to baby groups" again not compulsory

"so there's no problem at the moment." There's no "problem" at all!

"If someoneone with a 5 month old weens their child. Fine" who made you queen of weaning?

"Friend won't discuss weaning with HV." HER CHOICE!

Have you told her? Of course you haven't - because you know how she would (reasonably) react.

So much misinformation about weaning in just 2 pages. Shows why the OP did the right thing. For the record, ‘hungry’ babies need more milk, not less calorie dense vegetable purées shoved at them.

I don't really think you should have said it as not your business . However I sincerely doubt a family court will be at all interested. After All, ex is hardly going to be able to ebf the child!

If she asks you if you told your HV would you be honest OP?

My robust 16 & 18 year old boys were weaned at 3 months, because that was the prevailing best advice then.

People saying this is a child protection issue are talking nonsense.

Just because the advice has changed in recent years, doesn't mean you have to follow it.

Would you report someone to the HV because they chose not to breastfeed?

Well it's not really your business is It? Personally I wouldn't have thought about discussing somebody else's parenting to my HV unless it was something serious. Btw I weaned my dd at 4 months on advice from Dr to try and help with reflux, however I didn't go around telling people that she had reflux etc so I suppose one of my friends could have thought the same as you. I also co slept and lied about that after having a 15 minute lecture from a trainee HV about how wrong I was to do it.
Probably best to keep your nose out in the future

You know what my gut feeling is that op is ex's gf/sister/mother

@Graphista I wondered that too

I'd be really pissed off if you were my 'friend' and interfering with my choices regarding my child.

If you wanted to just speak to your HV about it, you could have done so informally without naming names.