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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Borrowed and almost destroyed a car

292 replies

Muffette · 16/01/2018 22:35

Before Christmas I was having car trouble and needed to get some work done on my car. My father generously loaned me one of his cars. He is generous like that and I was extremely grateful. He told me several times that the car needed a service at 30k miles and he would take it back from me then. He is very careful with everything and gets his cars serviced every 10k miles. I felt very secure driving his car knowing that it was so well cared for it was unlikely to break down (unlike my own jalopy).

As the car reached 30k the service light came on (a spanner light), I told him and we arranged to swap cars a week or so later. l didn't do much mileage in that time and so handed his car back with thank you's and so on. When he got home he dipped the engine to check the oil and discovered that it was nearly empty, he called the garage and they came with a tow truck to collect the car and bring it to their garage. He is beyond livid with me and will not speak to me. Now I know I should stick more rigorously to "neither a borrower nor a lender be" but I was in a pickle and he insisted at the time.

The thing is, should a car which is serviced every 10k run out of oil? (assuming the oil is changed at every service) and secondly, am I really thick not to have dipped the oil myself? Honestly, it never occurred to me. I checked the manual to make sure the light was an automated one and not something more sinister. At no time did the oil light come on. I am really upset at being so thick but at the same time my father is often very angry with me (i am in my 40's btw, not 19) and I really didn't need this excuse for him to turn on me again. However, I feel that his reaction to me is extreme, AIBU? (would you have thought to check the oil?)

OP posts:
BitchPeas · 16/01/2018 22:37

Sounds like a complete over reaction to me. Surely the oil light would’ve come on? If you’d only had it for about a month and he gets it serviced every 10k miles then I would never even think to check the oil Confused

RJnomore1 · 16/01/2018 22:38

Why the fuck did he call a tow truck and not just top up the oil 😂

But yeah you should check it regularly, how many miles did you actually do in it? If it was due too UP he should really have mentioned, likewise you should have checked

But a tow truck what a muppet 😂 That's so funny

RJnomore1 · 16/01/2018 22:39

Ohhh don't wait for your oil light though it can be too late by then but you will know if it's too late engine will seize

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/01/2018 22:41

Fucking hell, overreaction from your dad!

Is this a classic car or something? Because I can literally see no reason for either the servicing every 10k or the calling for a tow and the lividness.

I expect to top up the oil in my ancient Zafira every 500 miles or so? I’m not sure. I can tell you I drove about that over Xmas and the drop in oil was negligible as I checked before and after. So maybe every 1000 miles Grin

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 16/01/2018 22:43

He called a tow truck because it was low on oil? Hmm tell him to get a fucking grip! Sounds like he looked for an excuse to get angry at you.

Btw my car needs oil every two weeks. No idea why. It runs perfectly otherwise. The light doesn’t come on. I just have to keep checking it.

eleflumpfly · 16/01/2018 22:44

I've never checked my car oil?! Is that bad?!

RJnomore1 · 16/01/2018 22:45

A little bit ele!

RJnomore1 · 16/01/2018 22:45

Donny I drive an Astra. It burns oil. Some cars just go through more.

LittleFeileFooFoo · 16/01/2018 22:46

I have had many old cars, didn't have to check the oil but every once in a while unless it was a burner. Did he tell you it was burning oil? Newer cars (I'd say since at least the mid90s) don't need oil often unless they have issues. Did he tell you to watch the oil or that this car burns oil?
If not, he's over reacting and by the way you said"again" I'd guess this is one of many pretexts to yell at you. Roll your eyes and thank him.

Muffette · 16/01/2018 22:47

It was a Toyota, three years old. Mine is ancient and gets topped up at services only (every 15,000 miles) so have I been just very lucky so that my engine hasn't seized before now?! I will always check from now on.

He has form for over-reaction where I am concerned. The last time he stopped speaking to me for months was because one evening I didn't answer my house phone or mobile (9pm as I was putting my child to bed and reading a story and so didn't hear either phone). He was apoplectic.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 16/01/2018 22:48

donny you must have to have a serious oil leak! Has a mechanic checked that out?

OP, I know it's difficult to accept, but your dad isn't a terribly nice person. Why on earth would he get angry regularly with his mature daughter? Arranging for a tow truck because a car is low on oil is utter madness.

Is your mum still married to him?

5foot5 · 16/01/2018 22:48

Oh blimey, I am not sure if I have ever checked the oil in my Polo and I have had it about 15 years. It gets serviced every year and the nice man at the garage takes care of all that!

If you have only been driving it a few weeks I don't see how he can blame you

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 16/01/2018 22:50

donny you must have to have a serious oil leak! Has a mechanic checked that out?

Yep! My dad! Grin and it was his car before it was mine. He never would have given me it if there was anything wrong with it. It’s a Toyota avensis. He says they are known for that? I have no idea. I just know he is always asking me if I’ve checked the oil.

MsVestibule · 16/01/2018 22:50

Just read your update. Seriously, your dad is unhinged. How did you get back onto speaking terms after the serious crime of not answering your phone?

Whisky2014 · 16/01/2018 22:51

He is an idiot

Deshasafraisy · 16/01/2018 22:53

Muffette your dad is a muppet. Just ignore him till he cools down.

JustVent · 16/01/2018 22:53

I own a car which needs filling up with oil every two weeks at least.

I killed my previous car (same make and year) never checking the oil.

My car drinks oil in ridiculous quantities and it’s an unfortunate part of the car, since the rest of the car is fantastic I put up with it.

However, I never knew that, my DH never knew that, the first garage I saw never knew that so how could I expect anyone else to know that unless I knew it myself and told them?

My point is, yes a car absolutely could be empty after 10k miles but the fact is, it wasn’t empty thus was not dire. And he was being dramatic getting it changed as well as OTT getting it done every 10k.

He shouldn’t have leant if it he couldn’t trust anyone but himself to look after his precious babies.

YANBU

MsVestibule · 16/01/2018 22:53

donny I went for two years once without checking mine (it hadn't been in for a service in that time) and although it was erm, rather low, it was still OK! Every two weeks... I know it's only a two minute job, though, and I guess it's a good habit to be in.

AJPTaylor · 16/01/2018 22:53

He is being bonkers.
I have never checked a modern car for oil.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 16/01/2018 22:53

He lent you “one of his cars”?

My imagination is running away with me here....

How long did you actually have his car for? It sounds like you had it a while, but was only while you got some work Done on your car, so it would only have been a few days/week or so while yours was in the garage?

Daft response from your Dad who clearly has way more money than sense. Did he not know where the oil cap was to top it up?!

JustVent · 16/01/2018 22:54

Donny I wonder if we have the same car!

Is it a Cmax??

HermionesRightHook · 16/01/2018 22:56

A three year old car shouldn't be using oil up like that surely? I mean yes you ought to check, but I'm not sure that's right - and if he knew it used oil like that he should have warned you to keep it full.

Also, he's a knob.

Muffette · 16/01/2018 22:56

Thank you all, I have felt so bad since this happened. Yes MsV my mum is still married to him. And backs him up. Actually it was she who passed on the message that we (my husband and I) had better not speak to him because he is so livid with us. She won't ring me now until he is out of the house. When he does speak to me he usually does so with fury and through gritted teeth.

OP posts:
Skowvegas · 16/01/2018 22:58

He called a tow truck?!

When you said you almost destroyed a car I assumed you'd crashed it, not let it get a bit low on oil!

Muffette · 16/01/2018 22:58

I had it for 5 weeks, we live two hours away from each other (thank goodness) so swapping over and back isn't always so easy.

OP posts:
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