Borrowed and almost destroyed a car

[Muffette]

Before Christmas I was having car trouble and needed to get some work done on my car. My father generously loaned me one of his cars. He is generous like that and I was extremely grateful. He told me several times that the car needed a service at 30k miles and he would take it back from me then. He is very careful with everything and gets his cars serviced every 10k miles. I felt very secure driving his car knowing that it was so well cared for it was unlikely to break down (unlike my own jalopy).

As the car reached 30k the service light came on (a spanner light), I told him and we arranged to swap cars a week or so later. l didn't do much mileage in that time and so handed his car back with thank you's and so on. When he got home he dipped the engine to check the oil and discovered that it was nearly empty, he called the garage and they came with a tow truck to collect the car and bring it to their garage. He is beyond livid with me and will not speak to me. Now I know I should stick more rigorously to "neither a borrower nor a lender be" but I was in a pickle and he insisted at the time.

The thing is, should a car which is serviced every 10k run out of oil? (assuming the oil is changed at every service) and secondly, am I really thick not to have dipped the oil myself? Honestly, it never occurred to me. I checked the manual to make sure the light was an automated one and not something more sinister. At no time did the oil light come on. I am really upset at being so thick but at the same time my father is often very angry with me (i am in my 40's btw, not 19) and I really didn't need this excuse for him to turn on me again. However, I feel that his reaction to me is extreme, AIBU? (would you have thought to check the oil?)

The fact that he puts the well-being of his cars above the relationship between him and his daughter is seriously fucked up.

You’re better than a car. This would be a NC for me maybe.

Your father is a drama queen. To the extent that it's comedic tbh.

Ignore him and adjust your expectations from now on, this is just the way he is, if he does something for you, you need to expect that it will end with him taking the huff and behaving like a stroppy toddler.

If you want to patch it up with him (I wouldn't), I'd send him flowers with an extremely over the top note about how terribly sorry you are to have dreadfully disappointed him and you hope that he one day can find it in his heart to forgive you for this awful, utterly horrific lapse in your judgement, etc. etc. and from then on, treat him with hilariously ostentatious kid gloves in front of other people "now now, everyone you know how sensitive Dad is, let's not upset him by not offering him the first cut of the roast / putting milk in his tea for him / talking about anything except how he is today" etc

I'm a cow like that though.

The more OP writes about her Dad the more I’m wondering if she considers this a decline in his mental state. Could these over the top reactions be the start of Alzheimer’s? Because if he’s always been like that the only other explanation is that he’s a controlling and abusive twat.

Sorry, OP, I’m not the first to suggest that either.

mufette do you realise that your relationship with your parents is pretty screwed up? I'm not being sarcastic, I just know it can be hard to see things clearly from the inside 😕.

He sounds bloody awful. It’s not you, it’s him!

The oil light is more of a 'oh shit' light than a gentle reminder.
People should be checking oil / tyre pressure / all lights regularly.
Your old man seems bit of a muppet in general though. Did he check the oil on hot or cold engine? It can make a difference to the level on the stick.

He sounds like a right arsehole.

One of my cars gets serviced every 4,500 miles and the other every 9,000. They still get a weekly fluid, tyre pressure and tread, bulb and wiper check. Even our 7 year old daughter understands why and how to do it, so a qualified driver should be able to!

Yes this is turning into one of THOSE threads. OP’s problem is not the car.

Funny curly I have wondered the same thing. 14 months ago (the last time I stayed with them so I am learning!) His behaviour was vile to me while lovely to everyone else and i was positive that he must be slipping. He has always been an angry man though and we have never had a good relationship. But when i ran it by one of my brothers he was horrified and says no way. But with this new over reaction i thought the same.

Your mum doesn't want you to speak to your dad? I would happily oblige. Their behaviour is bonkers!

Tittygolightly I expect most people would check their cars as thoroughly as you do if they had the money to do so.

For me, I put feeding my child above my car car. Even my 6 year old understands that.

TItty, those are jobs you can do yourself. It doesn’t cost money to check them.

Sorry, I meant that for justvent

Your dad sounds abusive, OP, and your mum is enabling him. Regardless of whether you were careless in not checking the oil level, his response was totally uncalled for. And hiring a tow truck was ridiculous.

Checking your car costs nothing.

Having incorrectly inflated tyres / worn, no water to rinse much from your screen etc are all responsibilities all drivers have.

Would you child understand why you killed someone when you kill someone due to car failure that should have been picked up on checking?

Tittygolightly I expect most people would check their cars as thoroughly as you do if they had the money to do so.

Huh? It costs about 10 minutes per car and a piece of kitchen roll to wipe the dipstick. That’s it.

If anything needs replacing it gets replaced - defective tyres, bulbs and wipers render any car illegal and need the money spent on replacements. Few pennies worth of screenwash during road salting season. Standard motoring expenses.

I've had my car three years (from new) and never once checked the oil... your Dad sounds bonkers!

I too assumed from your title that you'd crashed it into something.

Why did he call a tow truck, rather than putting some oil in, if it was low on oil ?

Why did he not tell you that it had an oil problem ?

Modern cars don't need their oil checking every week. If someone who was fussy about their car, lent me their car, then I wouldn't expect to have to check the oil in just a few weeks.

Your Dad has a problem.

A Car really should only need its oil checking about once a month unless its a much older and or known to burn oil in which case he should have told you. It is entirely possible the last service someone forgot to put oil in at all, I have had that happen to me and now always check after a full service just in case.

Personally, I would say to him so have you been filling it up regularly, or has the oil been an issue. I wish you had mentioned it - I didn't think I had it long enough to burn enough oil to fill the oil. There were no oil marks where I parked it so having had it such a short time there was no reason to check. I am sorry it happened but as it happens no damage.

As to getting a tow truck - ridiculous he should have just got some oil and topped it up himself - if he didn't have any then he clearly hasnt been doing it either!!

my father is often very angry with me

You're 40 OP - start to bite back. It took me till I was past 50 to stand up to mine and it was quite liberating.

I check my car regularly (oil water etc) but I get it serviced every 30k miles.

That’s cost money.

It's not really the point.

You thought I paid someone to do the checks? No!

Clearly one persons ‘serviced’ differs from
others.

I got my car serviced in the garage last year and it was oils filter changes etc

That’s what I consider a service.

Not a check of the oil and water and general well being.