DD wanting to quit Guides.

[sunnysunchild]

When I've busted a gut volunteering as warranted leader for GirlGuiding the last 7 years, just so she could get into Rainbows then Brownies and now Guides?
Waiting lists for Rainbow were miles long in 2010 (still are) groups are still closing all over the place due to lack of volunteers. I agreed to volunteer as a leader then so she could jump the long queue.
Now she says it's boring. I want her to do it as I think it's good for her (she doesn't do dancing or sport or anything else, plus looks good on future job/uni applications)

I feel a bit hurt that she want to jack it in.
Maybe I should quit too.

Thoughts?

I was 13 when I quit guides. It was the same night as the school discos and unneeded to prioritise mum made me write a letter of apology quitting.
4 years later I was back as a venture scout (they went to the pub after- see a theme here!) I traveled the world with ventures! Amazing. Don’t lose heart- it’s a phase. And if you force her she may never go back.
Also - those saying it doesn’t make difference in job applications don’t know sh*t. I’ve offered jobs largely based on active involvement in guiding and scouting- tells me what kind of person they are. And know for fact I’ve been offered opportunities/ roles as result of it. I guess it depends on if who’s interviewing was involved themselves (I work in IT)

I think scaredy was just picking up on your slightly martyred tone. She's not being an "arsehole"

Have to agree. I never did Brownies-Guides but I did get forced into doing extra curricular activities deemed suitable by my mother - dance, am-dram, music and all the things that interested her. I also had the martyr guilt whenever I tried to quit ‘I’ve spent years helping out/running you around/wasting money’. Eventually I just refused to go and did exactly as you feared, stayed in my room for all my teen years. Perhaps if I’d had an opportunity to try new things years previously, I’d have found an extra curricular activity I actually enjoyed.

In short, yabu to force her. I’d probably just ask her to list out what she enjoys/doesn’t enjoy, and if the negatives outweigh the positives then she’s perfectly entitled to quit. No teenager who ‘did nothing’ during their teens is at a true disadvantage (as long as they get qualifications).

Also - those saying it doesn’t make difference in job applications don’t know sht*

My son just got his black belt in Karate and people have said oh that will look good on his CV when he's looking for a job, I'd never really thought about that before but I guess it shows commitment and that you're hard working? maybe similar to being a guide/scout/venturer

My dcs recently quite Scouts - dh was especially upset about it, our scouting group is fantastic - loads of really good activit but they didn't want to go, they felt they had enough to do.

It was their decision and we had to respect it.

As someone who goes through CVs on a regular basis, I can say for certain, that no one even puts hobbies or school activities on their CV these days. If they did, it certainly wouldnt be something that would stand out to employers IMO.

If shes not happy then best for her to go do something she loves

I got the same martyr guilt from my mother too, edmund when I stopped playing the clarinet. I gave it up when I was 17 because I had hated it for years, finally got the Grade 8 my mother liked boasting I was on track for, and wanted to do other things.

I'm 45 now, so I gave up 28 years ago. My mother STILL does a pursed lip and sigh about 'how sad' it is I stopped playing.... (I have a number of issues with my mother though, so to be fair there is not much she does that does not irritate me!).

OP- honestly- I'd see it as a heaven-sent opportunity for you to get some time back after your years of volunteering and giving of yourself like that. You HAVE made a huge sacrifice of your time and energies. Let your DD do something else and take some time for yourself!

Perhaps her Guides is a bit dull? There are some brilliant companies and some really awful ones. I'm guessing that all the posters on here saying that Guides is useless in future life/on application forms either didn't go themselves or were unlucky enough to not find a good group. Through my Guides I went climbing/abseiling many times, was in several musical productions, learned a high level of first aid and general household stuff (how to wire a plug etc), learned how to canoe, went camping in Europe and the Lake District, met other teenagers from all over the world, learned how to ride a bike around a velodrome etc etc. It was 20 years ago so these are just the bits I remember.
It's not 'Guides' itself that is impressive on a CV. It's the other interests/skills it can give you.

That said, I don't think you should force your DD to continue if she doesn't want to (and certainly not because you've volunteered for 7 years!!). Maybe there are other hobbies she would like to try?

I don't know if it makes any difference to put it on your CV or not, for uni applications etc but I do know that if you make her do it rather than negotiate with her, then she'll resent you for it. She will develop her own interests at secondary school for sure, there's after school clubs etc, duke of edinborough has been really good for my DD, she's now in 6th form working hard on her A levels, couldn't be a prouder mum

My DD loved Rainbows and Brownies, she reluctantly stuck at Guides for a year but hated it. I know you're disappointed, but there's no point in making her do something she doesn't want to. Funnily enough my DD had to be voluntary work for her Duke of Edinburgh award the chose to go back and help her old Brownie group.

I think Guides will only be relevant for a CV if your DD as still going at 16+ or had moved on and was helping out. Sixth Forms, Unis and Employers will be interested in present interests and any voluntary work carried out.

I did Rainbows and Brownies but sacked it off after that. Two of my friends went on to Guides but I didn't bother.

I went back as a volunteer with Rainbows and Brownies a couple of years ago (I was considering a PGDE in primary teaching and thought it would be good experience) and I lasted about two months before I realised how annoying little kids are en masse. I decided against the PGDE

It really won’t affect her future in any way if she leaves. I used to be focussed on stuff looking good on CV what with competition for good uni places and jobs being so stiff. DD gave up guides at about 15 and didn’t complete the final expedition part of the gold Duke of Edinburgh award. I was trying to persuade her to see both out but she was adamant. They’ve not made one jot of difference to either her uni application or job interviews so I have to admit I was a bit unrealistic as to their value. If your DD is no longer enjoying guided then perhaps it’s not for her anymore. There’s so much kids DO have to do that I think any out of school activities need to be ones they really enjoy.

I'm 45 now, so I gave up 28 years ago. My mother STILL does a pursed lip and sigh about 'how sad' it is I stopped playing.... (I have a number of issues with my mother though, so to be fair there is not much she does that does not irritate me)

If it wasn’t for the age difference I’d think we had the same mother . Although it was piano and singing with me - apparently I wasted an opportunity to be the next Jamie Cullum or go to a high end music school. I never went beyond grade 4 in exams and still to this day suffer awful stage fright. Definitely delusions of grandeur on the parenting side....

I think she is at the age when a lot of kids give it up due to it not being seen as particularly cool for that age group.

Maybe suggest a new hobby on the back of something she enjoyed doing with the guides, I think you said she liked the outdoor stuff so maybe let her give up if she agrees to do something like DofE which most schools do at around 13. That is good on a CV and would involve a hobby, volunteering and expedition!

Maybe the Guides just doesn't suit her. My twin girls are now 14. Both loved Rainbows and Brownies, but neither liked the Guides. DD1 stuck it out for 6 months, DD2 lasted weeks.

Her attendance shouldn't be swayed or influenced by your volunteering surely? It sounds a bit like you think she should continue going because you volunteer... Hardly fair to expect her to do something she doesn't enjoy for your benefit.

Also perhaps she would prefer to do something where you are not a leader. I say that from experience of mine getting to a point where they felt like they didn't get the same experience as other kids at a group because they always had a parent there, totally understandable imo.

Like another PP, I also know of employers who won't touch a candidate who hasn't done either DofE or one of the higher Scouting / Guiding awards, for which there are volunteering components alongside expeditions etc. They're a pretty big commitment and they do demonstrate some desirable personal qualities in candidates.

Personally, I don't really agree with this, as I think lots of worthy candidates haven't done them for many reasons - but my opinion is irrelevant, as they're the ones doing the hiring.

That said, just being a guide and going weekly is a whole different kettle of fish and distinctly less impressive, in the absence of a pattern of volunteering and making the most of the other opportunities afforded by guiding (and scouting, and other youth groups).

That said, if she quits, she misses those opportunities - I would be inclined to encourage her to stay until the end of the term / similar time frame to see if it's just a blip. After that, I'd let her quit, but encourage her to consider other options.

Brownie Guide leader here so somewhat biased:

I'm in my early twenties and guiding has made a huge difference to my life. I quit when I was around 14/15 (?) as I felt I wasn't gaining much weekly meetings. However like most who do guides, I started my DofE at 14 and volunteered at rainbows. It helped me get my first job at 16 as I had experience working in a team, being committed, overcoming challenges etc etc. At 17 I got a job as a supervisor as I had experience managing a small team, being a good role model, doing risk assessments, working with members of the public.

I got seriously ill during 6th form and was only predicted C,D,E but got 5 offers from uni as I was able to put that I had experience with NGOs, organisation, working with others from different cultures. On uni applications unis want to see soft skills, they have thousands of applications from kids with the same qualifications it's the stuff in-between that makes a difference. I got a job as a camp supervisor in America as I had the experience. I'm from a single parent family and didn't have the money to intern for free but I was able to secure two internships with flight and living costs provided in India and in Holland.

When I got out of uni I applied for a job that involved international travel. I was able to provide examples where I had delivered presentations to over 100 people, worked abroad, organised camps, where I'm able to work independently from my Queen's guide award, I had management experience from my internships and had worked in an international office. And more so, when I had my final interview with the CEO we were able to connect as his Grandma had been a GirlGuide.

I've been stranded in countries but i've been able to get guiding contacts to help me. I'm going to Ethiopia this summer to visit a friend I made- she's advocated at the UN. Last summer I saw a kid struggling in water - I saved her from knowledge I gained during water safety. i've given first aid in numerous situations. I started rebelling when I was 15 but it was my guide leader who took me to the side and told me to snap out of it. I've gained the best mentors through guiding and I can't imagine my teenage years without it. If it wasn't for guiding I wouldn't of realised my passion in international relations and wouldn't of studied it at uni. I'm from an area where not a lot happens but i've stayed to try to give the girls in my community the same opportunities I had.

Maybe your daughter won't get the experience I had, and most people leave at 12. But maybe if you can show her the bigger picture and get her to try a different unit before she leaves. But don't make her go, to many girls are made to go and they get nothing out of it as they don't want to.

I was a guide and I hated it. I really wish I'd been allowed to leave sooner.

Maybe there are some employers who like to recruit Guides (The Civil Service?? Just a guess.) Personally, if I was recruiting, I think I would prefer people who are interested in pursuing their own, unique skills and interests, rather than being part of a group where there are so many rules.

What I'm trying to say is, let her leave and find her own way. If you want her to do something, how about getting her onto some kind of make-up course? Maybe she could set up her own blog? Maybe she's more independent or creatively minded than she is allowed to be at Guides? (No offence meant to any Guides - this is just from my experience.)

As for what you should do... Do you love it? If not, leave! Life's too short to spend it doing things you don't love.

I did bugger all, I got into a great uni!

She’s travelled with guiding, done a lot of community work, and used the organisation to apply for a lot of other opportunities (an annual girl’s parliament etc, and summer camps as an individual and not part of her unit).

I didn't know that was actually possible. Something for us to look into.

Mine haven't had chance to join till this last year - so 12 year old is loving guides still - it's helped widen her friendship group at secondary to her benefit. They aren't large dynmanic groups here and lots quit the guides last year but luckily they do seem to vaue going currently.

If she really doesn't want to continue it - I'd let her stop and try and find something else.

Last year I was hoping DD1 would join lots of clubs at school - it's taken till this year - year 8 for that to happen. So maybe she just needs some time to find something else or not.

@Trinity66 black belt in Karate does look good - commitment, determination, resilience.

When you do competency based interviews for graduate roles you can draw on experience gained in hobbies/sports especially if you have done anything additional in the sport like youth coaching/mentoring, club captain, treasurer etc.

If your daughter wants to quit and you've checked that it's not because of bullying or some other serious issue, please let her. I'm a guide leader and we have some girls where clearly it's their parents making them come along. They don't get anywhere near as much out of guiding as the girls who genuinely want to be there.
Please please please let the unit leaders know if she decided to leave!

“Trinity66 black belt in Karate does look good - commitment, determination, resilience”

Not on a UCAS form it doesn’t.

@AuntieAunt You sound amazing! Really inspiring. I wish I'd had your experience of it.

I'm guessing that all the posters on here saying that Guides is useless in future life/on application forms either didn't go themselves or were unlucky enough to not find a good group

There are lots of things I did as a child that I loved that have no place on a UCAS form or a CV

I was just saying to DH recently, re booking a First Aid refresher, that in my head, first aid basics still take me right back to Brownies/Guides.

(Knots, building camp gadgets, all of those things stayed with me too.)

But I'm not going to put my Guides First Aider badge in my CV, I'm going to refresh my First Aid at work certification before it runs out. Like a normal person.