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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that there is no one on here that would not be bloody hurt and angry by this

200 replies

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:19

I posted on here before about my partners close relationships with his exes and how I struggle with this. I have kind of come to terms with the main one and we rub along okay. Anyway there is another ex who he bought a house with and lived with for a time. Since they split up he admits they have had an on - off sexual relationship though he swears never while he has been with anyone else. Anyway he is going to her part of the country on business next month and he tells me he intends staying over. He think's I'm a bunny boiling irrational nutter to object big time. Who the fuck wouldn't?? Even if he doesn't sleep with her its still inappropriate and downright disrespectful I am so bloody hurt and angry about this. I am a whisker away from dumping him. I need advice please

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 15/01/2018 18:20

Yeh id be fucked off.

grobagsforever · 15/01/2018 18:20

If he's never cheated on you then YABU. He's allowed friends

gamerchick · 15/01/2018 18:20

See it doesn’t matter what any of us thinks. YOU mind and he’s trampled all over your feelings. That’s pretty shit OP. Flowers

user1492877024 · 15/01/2018 18:21

As you say, Very inappropriate.

TheQueenOfWands · 15/01/2018 18:21

Drop him like a hot potato.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2018 18:23

He's staying over at her house?

ClaryFray · 15/01/2018 18:23

If he hasn't cheated on you before what's the issue?

He's allowed a past, and he's allowed to be friends with his exes. I think this notion that exes need to mean nothing to someone when they move on.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/01/2018 18:24

Go a whisker closer and just dump.

Look, he LIKES this setup. Likes the frisson. Likes that you're bothered by it too, maybe.

It won't improve and you're looking at a set up where you constantly feel as if your partner is not on your side, ever so slightly.

It's totally inappropriate. Like he's enjoying you having to trust him, and he's sooo reasonable as in 'I could so easily have sex with this person but I'll choose not to.' Oh fuck off you twat!

Dump.

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:24

Yes he is staying at her house

OP posts:
RedForFilth · 15/01/2018 18:24

Get him sacked. He has no respect for your feelings and tbh his reaction screams "guilty" as if he is intending on doing something.

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:24

He is staying at her house

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/01/2018 18:25

No I wouldn't be comfortable with him staying at her house.

ferntwist · 15/01/2018 18:25

YANBU. Very, very dodgy.

HurryUpPleaseItsTime · 15/01/2018 18:25

Lots of MNetters will be along to tell you there's nothing wrong with him having friends and YABU for not wanting him to go but IMO, this most definitely is not on. I'd be very upset if my DP decided he was going to do this, especially given the history you mentioned

SundaySalon · 15/01/2018 18:26

Is he staying at her house?? I would have an issue with this, having an amicable relationship with an ex is one thing but staying over at their house is something else entirely. How long have you been together?

Though It wouldn’t bother me if my DH went for dinner or coffee with an ex, but I trust him... it’s not so much the staying over and him potentially cheating (if he’s going to do it, he will) it’s that he doesn’t respect your opinion on it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2018 18:26

How long have you been together and do you believe he has never cheated on anyone?

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 18:26

He loves the drama of your reaction. I'd leave him to it and get rid. For the irrational bunny-boiler comment alone.

AthenaAshton · 15/01/2018 18:26

Just no. Why on earth would he need to stay with her? If he's "on business", surely his work would pay for a Travelodge?! I would be very upset, too.

honeyroar · 15/01/2018 18:27

Do you not trust him? What I've done when I'm single is very different to what I'd do when I'm in a relationship..

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:27

He says they have enjoyed a bohemian relationship since they split

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 15/01/2018 18:27

He's trying to manipulate you by saying you're a bunny boiler if you object. I'd dump him for that alone!

DriggleDraggle · 15/01/2018 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JollyJuniper · 15/01/2018 18:28

they are 100% going to have sex. I would dump him without a second thought. Staying at her house shows a breathtaking lack of respect for you.

eyeswideshit · 15/01/2018 18:28

It wouldn't bother me personally. But I would assume I'd be in the minority

DriggleDraggle · 15/01/2018 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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