to think that there is no one on here that would not be bloody hurt and angry by this

[bagpuss90]

I posted on here before about my partners close relationships with his exes and how I struggle with this. I have kind of come to terms with the main one and we rub along okay. Anyway there is another ex who he bought a house with and lived with for a time. Since they split up he admits they have had an on - off sexual relationship though he swears never while he has been with anyone else. Anyway he is going to her part of the country on business next month and he tells me he intends staying over. He think's I'm a bunny boiling irrational nutter to object big time. Who the fuck wouldn't?? Even if he doesn't sleep with her its still inappropriate and downright disrespectful I am so bloody hurt and angry about this. I am a whisker away from dumping him. I need advice please

I'm not the jealous type but this would be a big no-no for me. Find someone who doesn't dismiss your concerns by calling you names. You deserve better.

My ex husband has stayed here and I've stayed at his house several times. We've been on holiday together too. Both of us are in other relationships.
There is no way we would sleep together !

So some people would be ok with this. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't ever presume to tell anyone else what they ought to do.

However, I would not continue a relationship with a man who did this and I would make that quite clear.

my problem is that I can't cope with a nice bloke

The truly nice people never feel the need to say that they're nice.

Well I dumped him- its been a horrible week. But I know I did the right thing. His take on it is unreal. He showed me texts from the ex he was intending staying with and she was sending him love and kisses over Christmas. His birthday was in early December and she sent him bloody red roses. He sees no problem with this. I was so right to have the raging arse.

Excellent! Well done OP for taking control of this. onwards and upwards.

Sorry to say it but you need to get an sti check as he's obviously had several partners overlapping.

I think you should get some counselling to explore the reasons why you would put up with someone treating you so badly and also why you feel you don't deserve a nice man as a partner.

Wow, this man has zero respect for you, and zero consideration for your feelings.
Well done for dumping him. Hope you get over this sorry episode soon

LTB. There’s still something there, even if it’s only sexual attraction.

Sorry, just seen your post. Well done.

Well done OP! Definitely for the best. If he really showed you them messages from the ex saying all that shite and actually thought you’d be ok with it he wants his head testing! What a bellend.

Well done op.

I had one like this, I tried to be chilled out about the exes, and for a while thought I was jealous and paranoid (due to gas lighting) but it turned out he was just a cheating arse. Suspect yours was the same.

Well done, OP.

He's trying to guilt you into allowing him to have his cake and eat it. YANBU.

Well done OP. Good for you. What a dickhead.

well done OP

You are soooo well rid, OP.
Well done for doing it. He was a narcissistic twunt!
When Mr Right arrives , you feel good. Not undermined and having low self esteem.
Good luck!

Thank you !
Theres quite a funny post script to this- the ex that this plonker cooks with, goes out with for days with and so on - well she has acquired a BF. The BF is not happy with the relationship she has with the plonker. So the plonker has been dropped like a hot potato!

loving the postscript!

Bohemian Rhapsody no more.

LOL that's hilarious. Don't let him come crawling back now his little "bohemian whirlwind" has fizzled out.

Oh what a beautiful postscript!!

I can imagine how shit your week has been (my exh had an affair and I kicked him out), but this is such a sweet revelation!

What has he said about it? I imagine he's trying to elicit sympathy from you...

Love your update bagpuss

He's gaslighting you OP. He's still dating his exes in essence isn't he? Taking them for dinner, out dancing, cooking meals and sleeping over?? That's called dating. And he then calls you names and derides you, undermines your feelings and makes you doubt yourself about his intentions and actions. It's gaslighting 101.

(And I SERIOUSLY do not believe anyone would honestly be 'ok' with their husband sleeping over and what is essentially dating an ex GF...you might be trying to kid yourself here, or look 'cool' but IRL you'd be shitting yourself and starting your own thread!!)

I genuinely wouldn't mind and haven't minded in the past. I've been on all three sides of the friends with an ex set up, and it's almost always been entirely innocent - the almost referring to my fuckwit ex who I knew straight away couldn't be trusted around his "just friends", who I also knew I couldn't trust, which sounds like the OP's situation.
Most of my partners have never given me any reason to doubt them, and vice versa. It has caused problems when I've been the ex, however, and I've lost some close friends over it, but not because I, or they, had/would have done anything wrong.
I do think it's often the fault of the person in the middle for making not their partner feel secure enough, and not properly addressing their concerns, but some people just aren't comfortable with the set up, and that's ok.
I always bow out of the friendship to save causing problems in their relationship. Sometimes I never speak to that friend again, sometimes we have become friends again after the relationship has ended, and sometimes they have stayed together and the partner has gradually come to see that I'm not a threat or competition and just want my friend to be happy.