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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that there is no one on here that would not be bloody hurt and angry by this

200 replies

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:19

I posted on here before about my partners close relationships with his exes and how I struggle with this. I have kind of come to terms with the main one and we rub along okay. Anyway there is another ex who he bought a house with and lived with for a time. Since they split up he admits they have had an on - off sexual relationship though he swears never while he has been with anyone else. Anyway he is going to her part of the country on business next month and he tells me he intends staying over. He think's I'm a bunny boiling irrational nutter to object big time. Who the fuck wouldn't?? Even if he doesn't sleep with her its still inappropriate and downright disrespectful I am so bloody hurt and angry about this. I am a whisker away from dumping him. I need advice please

OP posts:
ShoesHaveSouls · 15/01/2018 18:59

YANBU - but the trouble with this sort of man is that he's just not going to change. This is who he is.

So you have to make a choice: either be another one of his "bohemian" relationships, ie. not too bothered about fidelity - or Get Rid.

I'd put money on him sleeping with at least one of his exes while he's been with you too. Sorry. Some men (twats, mainly) don't see sleeping with exes as cheating - because they've been there before iyswim.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 19:01

I like that

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/01/2018 19:02

Are you dating that bloke from cold play?

BrownTurkey · 15/01/2018 19:02

He seems to be saying he prefers polygamy without actually saying it. I expect this is the influence of the first bohemian ex. And being lovely towards and about exes while putting you down.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 19:02

So you're going to get rid of his book ass?

SavvyFishFinger · 15/01/2018 19:02

It is a reasonable boundary for you to want. He should respect that.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/01/2018 19:03

Is he your partner, you live together, or your boyfriend !

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 19:05

We don't live together

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 15/01/2018 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AskBasil · 15/01/2018 19:08

LTB

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 19:09

You don't live together. Then he's just as shit boyfriend. Why waste your time? You don't owe him FA. I'd send him a text. 'Been thinking things over and I think this relationship has run its course. That's us through. Goodbye.' Actually, a twunt like this I'd ghost.

Zerosugaroption · 15/01/2018 19:09

Is he Simon Cowell?

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 15/01/2018 19:10

I was going to say I wouldn't have a problem with a partner staying over with an ex if we were in a committed relationship and I trusted him because despite the impression MN gives not all men cheat. Then I saw he called you a bunny boiler nutter for trying to raise something that clearly bothers you so, here, have my first LTB, because what he's doing is gaslighting you.

Rewn7 · 15/01/2018 19:10

At the end of the day, he’s going to do something that makes you uncomfortable and upset. He could stay at a hotel but he’s choosing to say that your feelings don’t matter enough to him to compromise.

I think that tells you all you need to know about his character and how much he respects and cares about you imo.

Lillygolightly · 15/01/2018 19:11

All I can tell you is that this shit wouldn’t fly with me.

If he was insisting on going I’d be telling he to stay there and not to come back.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/01/2018 19:11

If you do split up with him, expect a phone call when he's next in your area wanting to be bohemian friends. Hmm

category12 · 15/01/2018 19:14

What's the point? Just get rid.

cantucciniamaretto · 15/01/2018 19:15

Of course there are people who would not be hurt or angry. My ex has stayed in my house, his wife has too.

Does it matter though, if you don't like it?

DriggleDraggle · 15/01/2018 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2018 19:19

Split up. Not because there’s something inherently wrong with staying over with an ex (I’ve not minded when DH has done it or when he’s had an ex stay here when I’ve been away) but because you’re fundamentally mismatched on expectations and instead of conforming to your stricter boundaries he insults you.

shinysinkredemption · 15/01/2018 19:20

I couldn't stand for it especially as he's being up front about having 'been there' since they broke up. If he cheated, you found out and made a scene you'd probably get 'This is why I didn't tell you I was unfaithful, you're so unreasonable, it was just sex'. Sounds to me like this is how he'd see it.

Sarahjconnor · 15/01/2018 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 19:24

I don't Driggle Draggle - I guess just some opinions , some reassurance that its not me

OP posts:
Hippydippydoo · 15/01/2018 19:25

I have a verrrrry relaxed relationship with my dh, but this would even push me over the edge.

He is being very bloody unreasonable.

TheweewitchRoz · 15/01/2018 19:26

I'd dump him for being so disrespectful to you (Bunny Boiler Angry) & not caring about your feelings whatsoever.

Good luck Op, you deserve so much better.