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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that there is no one on here that would not be bloody hurt and angry by this

200 replies

bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:19

I posted on here before about my partners close relationships with his exes and how I struggle with this. I have kind of come to terms with the main one and we rub along okay. Anyway there is another ex who he bought a house with and lived with for a time. Since they split up he admits they have had an on - off sexual relationship though he swears never while he has been with anyone else. Anyway he is going to her part of the country on business next month and he tells me he intends staying over. He think's I'm a bunny boiling irrational nutter to object big time. Who the fuck wouldn't?? Even if he doesn't sleep with her its still inappropriate and downright disrespectful I am so bloody hurt and angry about this. I am a whisker away from dumping him. I need advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:29

Its all part of a bigger picture really. Another of his exes he takes to dinner, cooks with, goes dancing with. I've com to terms with - well ish. But this is too much

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2018 18:29

bohemian relationship Is that Hipster for friends with benefits?

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:30

I think so...

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 15/01/2018 18:30

If I were in your shoes, I'd be packing his bags, or mine.

I would find this highly unacceptable and I would not be with someone who called me a bunny boiler to start with.

Blackteadrinker77 · 15/01/2018 18:31

I would have no problem with my husband doing this, however you do have a problem and he doesn't care that it upsets you.

I would be fuming if my husband dismissed my feelings that way.

DriggleDraggle · 15/01/2018 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 18:33

He's a fucking wanker who enjoys all this drama. Life is too short. Let me guess, he doesn't have any male friends who cooks dinner for, goes dancing with or stays over at their houses when he's in town, only female exes. He fancies himself a player.

Fightthebear · 15/01/2018 18:33

You know what, I trust my DH and he trusts me. But I would avoid stress testing that trust unless it was really important.

Staying overnight with his ex is not fair or reasonable if you’re not comfortable.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:34

Its fine to be friends with exes but there needs to be boudaries and I just feel that they are lacking here

OP posts:
IrkThePurist · 15/01/2018 18:34

Problem 1) he tells me he intends staying over.
Problem 2) He think's I'm a bunny boiling irrational nutter to object.

I think 2) would annoy me more than 1).

Do you think he would be with you if you fell ill, became disabled, or grew old?

nutnerk · 15/01/2018 18:34

Being friends I could deal with.. sleeping over is NOT ok and I can't believe he thinks it is.

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 15/01/2018 18:35

"bohemian" hahaha.
LTB.

Walkaboutwendy · 15/01/2018 18:36

He's basically lined up lots of options and is bouncing around you all keeping you on the boil. The bohemian comment makes him sound like a bit of a twat to be honest.

It's all stroking his ego having these ex's all over the place. He's probably enjoying your jealousy as well. Sounds too much like hard work to me.

Trialsmum · 15/01/2018 18:36

The whole thing is fucked up! Who takes their ex out for dinner and cooks with them??

bananaplease · 15/01/2018 18:37

He is being so disrespectful to you. Honestly in what world does he live in to think that is okay?

expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 18:37

Become the ex he can't booty call when he feels like it.

hopingandprayingthistime · 15/01/2018 18:39

Wow. No way is it acceptable for him to stay at her house! F**k this “he’s allowed to have friends” crap... this isn’t a friend!

liz70 · 15/01/2018 18:39

I'd leave him to his fuck buddyies if I were the OP.

usualGubbins · 15/01/2018 18:39

If he's going on business he'd get expenses and hotel bills paid. He's taking the piss. Dump him

rothbury · 15/01/2018 18:40

Nope - no boyfriend of mine would be doing that.

TempusEejit · 15/01/2018 18:41

If he's away o business then his employer will be paying for accommodation. Why does he need to stay over at his ex's? He's enjoying purposefully hurting you. Get rid.

DriggleDraggle · 15/01/2018 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/01/2018 18:42

Rather off topic but -he upset me so much a couple of weeks ago- I used to love dancing. I mean proper dancing - like going to classes. A year ago I had a minor stroke and its really affected my dancing and co-ordination. I've lost a lot of confidence. He felt the need to tell me what a fantastic dancer his ex is. What little confidence I had left was just shattered

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/01/2018 18:43

I'm always intrigued by these 'he's allowed to have friends' people because with people like this guy, the 'friends' are always of the opposite sex and people he used to shag/shags. Curious, you never hear about such people hanging round as closely with friends of the same sex.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 15/01/2018 18:43

Life is too short to put up with his crap. You are supposed to be his GF he's supposed to care about you and not go all out creating drama to fullfill his need to center of attention while hurting you in the process.
Dump his ass and find a respectful new partner who doesn't need to be a pretentious twat who's looking for a bohemian relationship that comment would make me all stabby with rage