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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shorter men

274 replies

DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:04

I'm 5'8 and I'm chatting to a really nice guy online but he's also 5'8. Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit put off? I'm a bit overweight and feel like I'd look like a beast next to him!

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 15/01/2018 16:07

You're allowed to be put off by whatever you want, you don't owe anyone a date/friendship/relationship

FrizzyNoodles · 15/01/2018 16:08

If he's really nice it wouldn't hurt to arrange a quick coffee in the afternoon to see how the chemistry is.

Bear in mind men sometimes add a couple of inches to their height when filling in their profile.

Areyoufree · 15/01/2018 16:09

I'm the same height as my husband (nowhere near 5'8...). It works well. Height's an odd thing to get hung up about.

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/01/2018 16:10

I wouldn't want to date a man shorter or exactly the same height as me. Might be shallow but I would just feel really big (I am overweight too!) it's much more to do with that than how we would look together, if that makes sense. And as PP said, he has probably added an inch or two!

inmyshoos · 15/01/2018 16:10

Ooo me too. I'm the same height as someone I have met a few times (at online) i was concerned that he would seem small. He does. And he has gained at least a stone from his pics.
It's an issue for me. But I suppose if it was the only thing it's be fine. As it happens there are a few things I'm not so sure about!
Do you really fancy him? Facially is he lovely?

Wilma55 · 15/01/2018 16:12

He might not want to date someone who's overweight. ....

Original poster
DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:12

Yeah racially he's very attractive, and he has a lovely personality from what I know so far. I just don't want to feel like a giant next to him. Suppose there's only one way to find out.

OP posts:
StandardRussian66 · 15/01/2018 16:13

I would not date someone short.

Original poster
DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:13

Facially not racially Blush

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/01/2018 16:14

I’m 5’9” and my husband is 5’7’’. In an ideal world it would be nicer if he was taller than me, but it doesn’t really bother me.

You’re unlikely to find someone who ticks every single box, so why not meet him for a coffee and see how it goes? It’s not like he’s a foot smaller than you, you’re the same height!

If you fancy him, then I don’t think the height thing will make much of a difference one way or another, and the same if you don’t! Smile

athingthateveryoneneeds · 15/01/2018 16:15

I'm 5'8 and DH is a wee bit taller. Other than not bothering to wear heels most of the time, our heights haven't made a bit of difference in our lives.

Pengggwn · 15/01/2018 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/01/2018 16:18

Only one way to find out I guess!

EggsonHeads · 15/01/2018 16:18

Well that's very shallow. Quite frankly it's a bit stupid to be put off an otherwise good man because of sonething like bellow average height. I would suggest reconsidering you priorities but it's really your choice. P.s. If it's any comfort I am taller than you and have dated a man shorter than that. I didn't feel 'like beast'. You can't really tell that much when you are both horizontal anyway Wink

SendintheArdwolves · 15/01/2018 16:18

You're allowed to set whatever criteria you like, so don't worry about being 'shallow' or anything. If you really wouldn't be attracted to someone the same height as you, then don't waste his time.

But....

Bear in mind that sticking to arbitrary dealbreakers (like height, race, physical type, etc) only serve to narrow your pool without actually helping weed out bad'uns. But at 5'8'' the likelihood is that most men will be taller than you (av height for men in the UK 5'9'') so it probably won't narrow your pool too much.

However, because of this fixation on height, especially in OLD, there is a tremendous incentive for men to lie about it. Men online complain about women discounting them because of arbitrary height "rules" in very much the way that women often feel that men won't date anyone their own age, preferring instead to target women a decade younger.

TL:DR: OLD is a crapshoot and best of luck :)

HungerOfThePine · 15/01/2018 16:19

I'm only 5ft 4 and dated a guy about 2" shorter than me, I got over it in about 5 minutes, I was already wearing shoes that added and extra inch or so, so my jaw did gape when I first clapped eyes on him.

Most guys I've dated have been not much taller than me and dated one guy about 6ft and was too tall for me.

Wear heeled boots/shoes op to tip the scale Grin.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 15/01/2018 16:19

I am 5'8" and taller than my dh. Our 13 yo son is now taller than dh. I don't care. I fancy him he fancies me.

EB123 · 15/01/2018 16:20

I am 5ft and i have only ever been out with men mm uch tallrr than me, DH is over 6ft, i guess we just find certain things attractive.

My mum and dad are both short about the same height, they've been married for 46 years!

newnamechange84 · 15/01/2018 16:21

Height can bother me as I'm 5'7 and wouldn't date someone shorter than me. However two exes have only been an inch taller than me... My ex was 6'3 though. Same height ok, but shorter is not for me. Just personal preference though.

mailTo · 15/01/2018 16:21

Don't meet him and do the guy a favour!

It's nothing that should cause you any worries. What would be your response to a man asking about dating a woman who was heavier or taller than he was?

Give your head a wobble.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 15/01/2018 16:22

I also had a strict height limit as I am 6' and was quite hung up on it.
Then I was introduced to a man who I was told was 'around my height' (2" shorter at least)

He ticked a very many other boxes and we ended up getting married.

Height isn't everything. It'd be foolish to throw away what might be a potentially lovely man on something that is really quite minor.

Trinity66 · 15/01/2018 16:24

If it puts you off it puts you off, i wouldn't tell him that's the reason though

OldCurmudgeon · 15/01/2018 16:24

Both me and DH are short, I am 5ft3, he is about 5ft7, but he seems the same height as me, I always tease him about it! Grin

KurriKurri · 15/01/2018 16:27

Well it's totally up to you - personally I find it a bit shallow, but then I was married to someone who was 6'2" and he was nasty to me, so I tend to be a bit more interested in whether someone is kind and pleasant than how tall they are. I'm 5''2" though -so most people are taller than me.

My DS and his wife are both 5'11" - doesn't seem to be a problem for them, she doesn't tend to wear heels as she doesn't need to, but don;t think it would bother either of them if she did and was taller than him.

buttfacedmiscreant · 15/01/2018 16:27

There are big advantages to being the same height.

Noone moves the shower head
Noone moves the mirrors or car seat in the car (Now taller DS is driving I have noticed what a huge deal it was having to never adjust anything in my car)
We both want pictures the same height in the house

etc etc.