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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shorter men

274 replies

DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:04

I'm 5'8 and I'm chatting to a really nice guy online but he's also 5'8. Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit put off? I'm a bit overweight and feel like I'd look like a beast next to him!

OP posts:

Thiswayorthatway · 15/01/2018 16:27

A shallow thing to say without meeting him. I am taller than my DH but it really is not an issue. Careful you don't miss out on an otherwise lovely man!

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 15/01/2018 16:30

Op I’d give him a chance, as it’s only a date.

But, I know what you mean! I am 5’8” and used to be very overweight at school. Always dwarfed most of the girls and some of the boys. I think I’m a bit affected by it tbh as I always chose to date tall men! Dh is 6 foot. Nothing to do with the shorter men, it’s entirely my issue. I sympathise though.

kitkatsky · 15/01/2018 16:30

My boyfriend is two inches taller than me at 5”6 and he’s the best man I’ve ever known. So height doesn’t bother me but I’m short too so would be judgy of me to judge him

TandemBanana · 15/01/2018 16:31

Happily married to someone 2" shorter than me for 20 years, so I would not worry about it for a second.

Dustbunny1900 · 15/01/2018 16:32

You don't owe anybody a date/a relationship/or sex if the attraction isn't there for you. You have the autonomy to turn anybody down for any reason. He isn't entitled to a chance just cause he seems a "nice guy"

OTOH, I can't imagine the reception this would garner if a dude came on here saying a woman was too flabby or old for him. Sure, it's shallow and you may be missing out. But it's your choice.

inmyshoos · 15/01/2018 16:38

I think there are some harsh responses on here. It's fine to think about this. You don't owe him anything and if him being short would put you off I personally understand that. I'm tall and if someone was tiny initially/first impressions I would be a bit put off because it would make me feel big. That said some of my best lovers have been shorter than me and made up for lack of height in more pressing areas

NavyGold · 15/01/2018 16:38

I think in this instance, calling the OP shallow is a little unfair. She’s not saying that his height makes him unattractive, she’s talking about how it would make her feel about herself. Two very different things IMO.

FooFighter99 · 15/01/2018 16:38

My DH very often refers to me as a giant... I'm 6' and he's 5'9ish!

Doesn't bother me in the slightest - we're all the same height lying down

stopgap · 15/01/2018 16:39

I’m 5’7 and so is my husband. He has the body of a Brazilian football player, and I’m skinny, so he feels bigger than me.

I’m much more likely to be turned off by a pot belly than someone’s height, but even then that isn’t a deal breaker. Nice eyes and good hygiene I value, but personality and wit are always legions ahead of looks for me.

amusedbush · 15/01/2018 16:39

It might be shallow but it's something that has bothered me in the past. I once dated a guy shorter than me (and I'm only JUST 5' 5!) and it was a huge turn off. He was also super slim so it was like going out with a little boy

DH is 6' 3 and makes me feel almost dainty

inmyshoos · 15/01/2018 16:40

Also rightly or wrongly someone being over weight puts me off. Purely because a huge part of my life is walking/nice healthy food and I'd assume they were less healthy and active than id ideally like. Just in terms of life style.

streetlife70s · 15/01/2018 16:46

You can’t ‘wobble your head’ into sexual attraction!!
There is a difference between deciding you don’t like someone as a friend or won’t speak to them because of physical attributes. Yes that’s shallow.
But sexual attraction can’t be helped. I can’t force myself to fancy a short, overweight, elderly, much younger or same sex person no matter how ‘nice’ or ‘lovely’ they were and height is every bit as important to sexual attraction to some people as any of those.

DistanceCall · 15/01/2018 16:47

I'm a 5'8 man and I'm chatting to a really nice woman online but she's also 5'8. Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit put off? I'm a bit underweight and feel like I'd look like a wimp next to her!

How does that sound?

Original poster

DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:47

I completely understand with regards to the weight issue, and it's my weight that puts me off dating shorter men. I'm trying to lose the weight I should add.

I'm going to go on a date with him and see. He seems really lovely.

OP posts:

Original poster

DusktilDawn · 15/01/2018 16:48

I'm not saying shorter men are unattractive or wimps etc. This is completely my issue

OP posts:

Bubbinsmakesthree · 15/01/2018 16:49

I'm 4 inches taller than DH - I think we'd both prefer it if it were the other way round, but it's really not that big a deal.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/01/2018 16:51

Dating is about physical attraction. If you aren't attracted to somebody then it doesn't matter how shallow other people want to tell you you are, it just isn't going to work. Even if you don't insist that a partner is conventionally gorgeous, we all have "shallow" physical features which we are or aren't attracted to.

Height alone doesn't bother me, but build counts for a lot: I've dated men barely taller than me with muscular builds and it's not been an issue. I also had a couple of dates with a man who was my height (5'6") but also very slight and slender and I felt like a giant next to him - and I'm only a size 6-8 myself, but athletic and big boned. As a PP said, it felt like I was going out with a young boy. Once I started thinking about that, any possibility of it going further was dead.

chameleonsocks · 15/01/2018 16:52

It's fine not to fancy people of a certain height, but if you generally fancy him otherwise and his looks aside from height are up your street then I'd say give him a chance!

Take it from me, I'm 5'10 and have dated blokes from 5'6 to 6'3 - any man worth his salt will make you forget to worry about this sort of thing when you're in the moment.

mailTo · 15/01/2018 16:53

@streetlife70s

Absolutely. The same with fatties or gingers, right! Wheelchair users?

SilverySurfer · 15/01/2018 16:56

I confess it's shallow to be bothered about a man's height but although I am only 5' 2" (probably even less now as I have shrunk as I've aged) when I was young I never fancied short men, especially if they had short legs. Any bloke with legs like Gregory Peck was an instant winner

Most of my then boy friends tended to be 6 foot and over and as thin as stick insects.

However, I have to say ultimately the longevity of a relationship rested on personality, humour, kindness etc.

brizzledrizzle · 15/01/2018 16:57

My DS and his wife are both 5'11" - doesn't seem to be a problem for them, she doesn't tend to wear heels as she doesn't need to,

No woman needs to wear heels. I find the whole thing ridiculous when women say they don't wear high heels because they are with a man who is shorter than them or men who stand on a box for formal photos so they look taller (my ex and I had this, the photographer asked if he wanted to because he was several inches smaller than me). Men aren't (or shouldn't be) little precious snowflakes who are intimidated by women who are taller than them.

kitkatsky · 15/01/2018 16:59

My boyfriend is two inches taller than me at 5”6 and he’s the best man I’ve ever known. So height doesn’t bother me but I’m short too so would be judgy of me to judge him

user1497357411 · 15/01/2018 17:13

but but if your are the same height, then your neck wont hurt when you kiss for a long time. Also your faces will be close together when your are .... uuhm .... horizontal together. Instead of you being squashed by his chest. It's just more intimate that way.

KipperBalloon · 15/01/2018 17:20

I think it's a very personal choice, there is nothing wrong with preferring tall/dark/blonde/blue eyes, whatever. Although if it's not a total deal breaker, and he seems lovely otherwise, then I think it would be a shame not to give him a chance, you might miss out on something really special.

I really love tall men, and find the trait very attractive, but I haven't ended up with one, and actually all of my most meaningful relationships have been with men who weren't much taller than me.

My husband is an inch or so taller than me, but he is a very solid build so I don't feel bigger than him IYSWIM.

KurriKurri · 15/01/2018 17:22

she doesn't tend to wear heels as she doesn't need to she used to be required to wear them in a previous job - which is what I meant (I think that is wrong but it was the case) now she's in a different job and wears her DMs - obviously no one actually needs to wear high heels, I've never worn them, but some employers still insist on it and I think that is still allowed (certainly was the case when my DDIL was in her previous job).

I've never felt the need to make myself look taller or to make my feet uncomfortable, regardless of the height of any males I am around..

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