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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Facebook related to warn you all! Would you be offended?

223 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 13/01/2018 21:50

So I'm a member of several local groups - Because of where I live it's all villages and I'm part of each of their Facebook groups.

Tonight in one of them a post appears. Basically a young lad (about 20-23) had taken a picture of a girl he didn't know and the back of her in a shop. She was wearing an equestrian centre hoody. His caption to the post was "Feel sorry for the horse she rides" or something similar to that. The girl had seen the post and she had screenshot and posted to the local group saying how hurt she was.

I'm in two minds about it - I certainly think it's fat-shaming and not to be condoned at all. But people jumped on it saying they were going to tell his employers, and get him fired. He wasn't even a member of the group to go and apologise and instead had friends defending him the whole time. I'm sure he thought he was just being clever and doing it for likes and banter but he doesn't realise the impact he could've had on the girls life either.

Do you guys think everyone overreacted or he deserves whatever comes his way?

OP posts:

phdangst · 15/01/2018 18:21

He shouldn’t lose his job over it. Ffs, total overreaction.

RB68 · 15/01/2018 18:29

Lets call it what it is whether he knows her or not - Online Bullying and harrassment

Carriecakes80 · 15/01/2018 18:35

Boll*&x that he's a young lad! Hes a fully grown man! My 16 yr old would know better, and if he did something like this, I would expect a torrent of shite to rain down over him, and he would deserve every bit of it. He knew he was doing wrong, he was being an arse, and so he deserves everything he gets from it. I doubt very much he will lose his job, but he does deserve a bollocking.

HermioneAndMsJones · 15/01/2018 18:40

He is stupid.
It’s very clear that we are talking about small communities here. Even if it had t created a shit storm on FB, everyine wouod have known about it. I’ve seen that sort of stuff happening where I live and I’m not even on FB!!

And that’s wo even startingto talk about the subject itself, the fact he was a man fat shaming a woman etc....

HermioneAndMsJones · 15/01/2018 18:41

As for his job... I think it will depend A LOT on what sort of job he does and how the owner of the business feels about it.
If it happens that person is also another twat who thinks fat shaming women is just a joke, the I suspect that he will keep that job.
If the owner is a decent person, it will have some impact on his job prospect at the very least.

StealthNinjaMum · 15/01/2018 18:42

What a nasty piece of work. Not only is he an idiot for having insecure settings but even if it was private I'd still say it's a nasty, judgy unkind thing to do.

Situp · 15/01/2018 18:44

Why start with so? What ever happened to freedom of speech? The lad had a democratic right to voice an opinion. So. What.

Firstly we do not have absolute freedom of speech in the UK.

If you cause someone "harassment, alarm or distress" either by words or behaviour, including written words, then you can be prosecuted and in the most extreme cases, jailed for up to 6 months.

Secondly, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences of what you say.

Posting online is effectively publishing and we all need to take responsibility for what we publish. If you publicly associate yourself with your employer and then behave in a way which they feel embarrasses them or is contrary to their ethos, they have the right to raise it with you.

If people took as much care about what they say online as they do in face to face interactions the world would be a far better place.

Although it will be unfortunate for this guy if he loses his job, it has been brought about by his actions. Any distress caused to the girl in question has not in any way been brought about by her so I feel that his interests are secondary.

Springprim · 15/01/2018 19:03

What a horrible thing to do. What you post on social media never disappears.

Maireadplastic · 15/01/2018 19:14

Absolutely Springprim and Situp. It's hard to believe that some people still don't get that what they write has consequences. I'm going to show this to my 3 sons- I would not let them get away with this.

WasDoingFine · 15/01/2018 19:16

I'm confused . How did he post in the group if he isn't a member of it?

Lillithxxx · 15/01/2018 19:41

And yet on here, and anonymously, posters say the most dreadful things about other posters’ opinions/advice/views and that’s ok?

purplepansyem · 15/01/2018 19:49

I personally hope he gets as much shit thrown at him as possible, maybe then the next time he thinks about being a c**t to someone he doesn't even know, he'll think twice about it. Trolls like him really piss me off!

Gabilan · 15/01/2018 20:14

The average horse can carry ten per cent of their body weight so unless it’s a Shetland pony she was riding then comfortably 20 stone can be carried

20 stone = 127kg. Multiply that by ten and you're saying the "average horse" is 1270kg, which is Shire horse weight.

Anyway. He has no idea if she even rides - plenty of people wear logo-ed tops that don't relate to anything they do. And plenty of people who work with horses don't ride them. None of which detracts from the fact he shouldn't take a photo of someone and post it online without their permission, whilst fat shaming them.

Once his work find out about what's happened they can take him through their disciplinary policy, work out if he's in breach of their policies and his contract, and take appropriate action if he is.

squeekums · 16/01/2018 01:50

This poor excuse for a man deserves to lose his job. I simply wouldnt use the services of a business if i knew they employed and turned a blind eye to this crap from employees.
Id be telling all i know not to use them either for the same reason.
Complaints can be ignored, drop in business cant

RavenclawRealist · 16/01/2018 02:03

At the centre of this isn't him though is it! It's an innocent woman who did nothing wrong! She was publicly shamed! Not for being vile or saying something offensive but because she was larger than someone else thought was ok!!! That is wrong it should be punished! Ok this guy has a family but how would they feel if they were the but of some internet joke!!! How would he feel if someone said that about his child in the future!!
He probably didn't mean any harm but if this was the next viral sensation he would lap up the praise I'm sure! If he can't take the flip side don't post horrible messages about strangers!! Loosing a livelihood isn't a laughing matter and I wouldn't wish it on anyone! But people need to think twice before they bully others especially drone the 'safety' of being behind a keyboard!!

Crazyunicornlady · 16/01/2018 08:14

In my work he could well face a disciplinary but probably not dismissal. It would be for threatening the reputation of the employer though rather than the actual bullying

MistressDeeCee · 16/01/2018 08:45

A creep taking pics of women without their knowledge just to get laughs and likes on FB =abysmal behaviour. What's the expectation, that people will/should respond to unreasonable behaviour in a "reasonable" way? Whatever the case I couldn't care less what happens to him. Perhaps this will remind some that actually you can't always say and do as you please on FB and will come unstuck one day

GinIsIn · 16/01/2018 08:48

You could absolutely be fired for that where I work. And he would deserve it!

manicmij · 16/01/2018 09:14

He deserves to be worried but feel it unlikely he will lose job unless in a fairly high profile company that may take a serious view on social media bullying. That's what it is bullying, making the female feel awful. Sounds as if he and friends are all the same as defended him.

midnightmisssuki · 16/01/2018 09:17

sorry but in my company things like this are not tolerated and he would be fired. He sounds a charming man.

bellabasset · 16/01/2018 09:47

I was always brought up not to prejudge people by appearances. We can see how children - under 16's - are often bullied at school due to criticism of their appearance, usually unjustified.

It depends what this man's job Is, would it be acceptable for him to continue in any employment where there have to be dbs checks? Would you want him as a HCA, gas engineer, taxi driver or any other employment that comes into contact with the public.

It is a similar situation to the Jo Marney tweets where thoughtless and inappropriate postings have repercussions. A firm I worked for would have had to take some action against him due to the nature of their business.

Mothermnd · 16/01/2018 10:31

Everyone seems to be posting pictures of their 12 weeks scans and people are saying if they will have a girl or
Boy. Can someone tell me what they think I'm having? Sooo excited and curious to know the gender!

Facebook related to warn you all! Would you be offended?

Mothermnd · 16/01/2018 10:32

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to post that on this thread I meant to make my own thread!

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