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AIBU?

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Original poster

Facebook related to warn you all! Would you be offended?

223 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 13/01/2018 21:50

So I'm a member of several local groups - Because of where I live it's all villages and I'm part of each of their Facebook groups.

Tonight in one of them a post appears. Basically a young lad (about 20-23) had taken a picture of a girl he didn't know and the back of her in a shop. She was wearing an equestrian centre hoody. His caption to the post was "Feel sorry for the horse she rides" or something similar to that. The girl had seen the post and she had screenshot and posted to the local group saying how hurt she was.

I'm in two minds about it - I certainly think it's fat-shaming and not to be condoned at all. But people jumped on it saying they were going to tell his employers, and get him fired. He wasn't even a member of the group to go and apologise and instead had friends defending him the whole time. I'm sure he thought he was just being clever and doing it for likes and banter but he doesn't realise the impact he could've had on the girls life either.

Do you guys think everyone overreacted or he deserves whatever comes his way?

OP posts:
Smeaton · 14/01/2018 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 14:39

For me, the fact Kenny's post was deleted show just how over-sensitive we have all become. Does it really matter that this guy made a comment about a girl in a shop? Really? Enough to have so many people baying for blood? I don't think so.

@Aeroflotgirl - do you think that kenny should be reported to their employer given they're "as bad as he is"?

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 14:51

No clashes totally different. This has happened because if his actions. If he did not do it, none of this would happen. You learn the hard way! It is up to his employers what to do. A woman got banned from a gym, and police investigation, because she did something similar involving taking a picture of a older woman in the Gym. It is serious, and a form of bullying inciting people to laugh at her.

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 14:57

"and police investigation"

Embarrassing isn't it! Truly, arse-clenchingly horrific.

The police investigation no doubt amounted to nothing but mob-mentality rules. Again, in the same way @Kenny's post was deleted. People are so afraid of condoning 'offence' they shoot off in the other direction and censor and find offence at the slightest hint of wrongness.

In my opinion, people need to grow a pair and say "it really wasn't that bad so shut up with your whining".

Smeaton · 14/01/2018 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:06

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/playboy-playmate-dani-mathers-body-shame-woman-gym-naked-photo-snapchat-sentence-graffiti-remove-a7755771.html

Actually no, it was very successful, and the offender sentenced. So clashes you support bullying and humiliating people then! I am glad that this is taken seriously! What would you do if this happened to your child! I bet you would not be so supportive. What next bullies taking pictures of their victims and posting it on social media for all to laugh at. Glad the majority on here think its wrong, because it bloody well is!

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:08

What that man did in the op, was designed to publically humiliate and shame that poor woman, so she is the object of ridicule. Everytime she is out in the village, people will be sniggering and laughing behind her back, you think that its ok then! He did get what he deserved, he is an adult who should have known better.

poetryinmotion13 · 14/01/2018 15:09

it really wasn't that bad so shut up with your whining ClashesBreakOut, I do sometimes think people are oversensitive about some things. See the thread about the H and M monkey shirt, for example. But unlike the H and M shirt this was targeted at a certian individual. I agree though, it is overkill to speak to the employer. It smacks of little children telling tales to a teacher.

I don't think though that we can say bullying isn't that bad when eating disorders, self harm and suicide are so rife amomgst bullied youngsters though. Many psychiatrists are now saying that the effects of bullying and verbal abuse are the same as the effects of sexual or physical abuse. If we do not tell someone who is a victim of being groped or whatever to "grow a pair it isn't that bad" then we cannot say that to bullying victims. I get that this isn';t lomg term bullying (the sort that causes PTSD etc), we do not know if this young lady gets teased or shamed regularly due to their size. Fat people are regularly abused in the same way that gay or black people are. This man's FB gaffe could be one jibe too far for a vulnerable person (do not forget there is often a mental health element in overeating or "BED" as I think they call it now., so many obese people are vulnerable)

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 15:10

She wasn't found guilty of being a big meanie though. Did either of you read the links you posted? It had nothing to do with "x-shaming".

"It is illegal in California to secretly photograph another identifiable person in a changing room without their consent."

I don't support being mean and think he was clearly a bit of a dick.

However, I'm far more against a worrying tide in the last few years where exemplified by some thinking a man should be out of his job for joking about a big girl riding a horse.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:13

Exactly, you drop your guard, and a whole torrent of bullying appears. How do you know how that lady felt when she say her picture on a horse, on a public site, with that nasty caption underneath. She might have had issues about her weight before. She might have found it hard to go out, and horse riding was her escape, this might have made her feel so bad about herself. She might have cried herself to sleep that night, who knows.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:16

Depends what job Clashes, if he is a nurse or a therapist or in a related health and social field, then yes he should. I don't know if he should loose his job, that is up to his company to decide. However if he did, he brought it on himself, I bet he won't do that in a hurry, if he diden't he should count himself very lucky, his next employer might not be so forgiving. He has to take the responsibility of his actions as an adult man.

Smeaton · 14/01/2018 15:17

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConferencePear · 14/01/2018 15:17

I take it that this man is some sort of Adonis with a highly successful career ? Or is he just plain unkind and arrogant ?

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 15:20

@poetryinmotion13

"If we do not tell someone who is a victim of being groped or whatever to "grow a pair it isn't that bad" then we cannot say that to bullying victims."

No, surely not. You aren't likening this to sexual abuse? I must have misread or misunderstood. Surely?

@Aeroflotgirl

"She might have cried herself to sleep that night, who knows."

Yes, sad.

Still doesn't mean that lost jobs are the fair result, an online witch hunt and it being described as "a sickening attack" though.

@Smeaton

Think what you want. It seems to suit the perma-offended or hard of thinking to assume that any dissenting opinions must be false.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:23

clashes I think you are failing to realise the gravity of what he did. This type action is very serious thank god. It depends on the type of job he is in as to him loosing it. What did he think would happen when he posted that nasty post on that public website.

poetryinmotion13 · 14/01/2018 15:27

clashesBreakOut I am likening it to sexual abuse and I explain why in my thread. Mental health experts say that bullying can cause PTSD and the same symptoms (shame, self hate, inability to feel safe with or trust people, panic, flashbacks) as sexual abuse does. I am not talking about violent rape but I am talking about fondling etc. Emotional and verbal abuse is just as soul destroying as anything Jimmy Savile or Weinstein did. The amount of suicides resulting from bullying, especially online bullying testifies to that. I have survived SA and bullying and have been affected by both but the trauma from bullying was actually the worst. To this day I am on medication and have been hospitalised due to my PTSD.

poetryinmotion13 · 14/01/2018 15:30

Being sexually assaulted as a child by several diffferent men or boys affected me LESS than the bullying I experienced from my DF and teh kids at my school. The bullying from kids and my dad affected me very badly and I treid to take my life more than once. Bullying takes away your sense of self. It is hard to explain but I felt like a non person for many years. Only recently have I learned to stop hating or blaming myself. Apologies for the thread derail. clashesBreakOut and aeroflot

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 15:33

"I think you are failing to realise the gravity of what he did."

Yes

"This type action is very serious thank god."

No

Commenting on your personal circumstances seems completely inappropriate as do so many other of your comparisons and unfounded explanations.

Sn0tnose · 14/01/2018 15:34

How was he misogynist? I set the bar higher than something I disagree with being directed at a woman.

Her sex had nothing to do with it. Seriously? Would he would have done it to a 6'4 tall, 3' wide man who would be more than capable of giving him a clump? No, of course he wouldn't.

If you're going to use social media to bully and humiliate people, then you can hardly complain or hide behind your girlfriend and your mates when people tell you what a snide little arsehole you really are.

Smeaton · 14/01/2018 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clashesBreakOut · 14/01/2018 15:41

@Smeaton - How do you define "wrong"? I assume this is your opinion? There'a logical fallacy in everything you've written.

I'm keen to know how you think @Kenny was a PBP as there doesn't seem any mention of it anywhere else.

Feel free to patronise. Maybe it makes you feel better. It has no effect on me. You should probably proof-read before doing so though or it might make you look like a prize arse.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/01/2018 15:43

clashes whatever you think, his actions are wrong. Online bullying which is what this was, is very serious. People gave committed suicide over actions like this.

poetryinmotion13 · 14/01/2018 15:49

clashesBreakOut For what it's worth, I do not think Kenny's posts should have been deleted. I think Kenny was just sharing their opinion. Kenny was not targeting anyone or bullying. That is the difference between Kenny's posts and the Facebook dude's posts.

poetryinmotion13 · 14/01/2018 15:51

Smeaton and clashesBreakOut

Isn't troll hunting not allowed on MN? I joined today but I have been a lurker for a while and often see posts against troll hunting? Also if someone is banned from MN, how can they come back under a different username? Surely MHHQ keep a log of their email and IP?

cafenoirbiscuit · 14/01/2018 16:10

DN is a curvy girl. She took up riding when she was an in-pt in a psych ward for several months, because of low self esteem, body consciousness and suicidal thoughts/attempts. She’s left school and works with horses now. I think it really saved her life. She’s still curvy and if anyone did this to her I’d be Furious!