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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Facebook related to warn you all! Would you be offended?

223 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 13/01/2018 21:50

So I'm a member of several local groups - Because of where I live it's all villages and I'm part of each of their Facebook groups.

Tonight in one of them a post appears. Basically a young lad (about 20-23) had taken a picture of a girl he didn't know and the back of her in a shop. She was wearing an equestrian centre hoody. His caption to the post was "Feel sorry for the horse she rides" or something similar to that. The girl had seen the post and she had screenshot and posted to the local group saying how hurt she was.

I'm in two minds about it - I certainly think it's fat-shaming and not to be condoned at all. But people jumped on it saying they were going to tell his employers, and get him fired. He wasn't even a member of the group to go and apologise and instead had friends defending him the whole time. I'm sure he thought he was just being clever and doing it for likes and banter but he doesn't realise the impact he could've had on the girls life either.

Do you guys think everyone overreacted or he deserves whatever comes his way?

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 14/01/2018 05:52

I do not understand how we as a society feel the need to protect men from the consequences of their own god awful behaviour.

👏👏👏👏👏

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 14/01/2018 08:06

Nope no sympathy at all. He behaved like an arsehole by publicly humiliating someone he didn’t even know. Whether he loses his job or not I hope he’s really sweating over it right now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/01/2018 09:59

I'm just read the heart breaking account of Amy (Dolly). I'm siting here in absolute tears. It doesn't even bare thinking about how completely destroyed this poor family must be.
I have always said and I have no saying either if suicide is caused by bullying which it has in this case. It should be treated as manslaughter after all if poor Dolly wasn't suffering at the hands of these little shits. She wouldn't have felt so desperate that she believed her only way out was death.
RIP Dolly.Flowers

Isitwise · 14/01/2018 10:02

This is local to me too OP, he deserves everything he gets.

I really felt for the girl in the picture, and to have no clue he was taking he picture makes it so much worse

nakedscientist · 14/01/2018 10:07

Woo what a heartbreaking story. So sorry this happened to you and glad you have found resolution now.
I worry that the poor girl is now so humiliated art he stables thT she will loose a hobby she loves.
In my job (which is student facing)I would loose my job for doing this, no question.
I agree with a pp oboit technology developing fast.
We should be careful to stop normalising this horrible "banter" and perhaps teach school children some ground rules for using social media.
The individual man deserves any repercussions that come his way I am afraid.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/01/2018 10:08

I bet he thought everyone would laugh along with him. Talk about getting his eye well and truly wiped.

midnightmooch · 14/01/2018 10:10

It was a shitty thing to do - I hope he's learned his lesson!

NataliaOsipova · 14/01/2018 10:15

A harsh lesson for the lad, and deservedly so. He needs to keep his opinions to himself, and get off social media. It’s all about engaging brain, mouth and finger..

Well put. People these days forget that this sort of thing is a wholly different kettle of fish from a throwaway comment in the pub. It is a permanent statement on record, which can be seen by millions of people (including, unfortunately, the poor girl who was the butt of the “joke”). As a pp said, actions have consequences. Hopefully he’ll think twice before posting shite on the internet in future.....

brizzledrizzle · 14/01/2018 10:38

If he took the photo at work then he should be sacked.

They won't be able to sack him for it if he wasn't at work as far as I know but I wouldn't blame employers who know what he's done for refusing to consider his applications as who'd want somebody like that representing their company?

If my son did it then I'd be blocking his Internet access while we had a serious chat about acceptable internet use.

brizzledrizzle · 14/01/2018 10:41

From what I read a couple of people have said they are going to his employer on Monday as they both work at the same place as him, then I'd imagine with the type of place they work in even if they didn't go to a manager the gossip of what he's done will spread quickly. This will make things incredibly uncomfortable for him I'd imagine.

Good.

WitchIwasaWitch18 · 14/01/2018 10:48

At the heart of this is the old attitude that women are valued purely on their desirability as sexual objects. Currently society decrees a certain image and anyone falling outside this because of shape, colour or age is dismissed at best, ridiculed and abused at worst.
Well done to every person who called out this man. You won't change his thinking, he's clearly too dumb and too far gone for that, but maybe there really is a collective shift going on right now about how women are treated.

Dawn1992 · 14/01/2018 11:04

Some one took a video of me falling in the gym and posted it online saying why fatties shouldn't go to the gym.. personally if I ever found out who it was (they sent it to a group to post rather than have the balls to post it in their own name) I would definitely want some serious karma like that to teach a lesson that no matter who you are bullying is NOT acceptable!!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/01/2018 11:27

Fucking həll so you go to the gym to try and get the "fat" off you and you're called for that as well.

I wish these cunting fat shamers would make their minds up, because They cant have it both ways. Angry

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 11:38

Dawn1992 sorry to hear some childish knob done that. But good on you for wanting to get fit- I keep putting it off until next week, but next week never comes Hmm

RainyApril · 14/01/2018 11:45

Not surprising when the current youth role models are scumbags like Logan Paul - a culture of nastiness dressed up as banter, and only sorry when it backfires.

He could've sent the photo to his friends or put it on snapchat, but no he wanted to reach the widest audience and now it's bitten him on the arse. I wouldn't want him to lose his job but he deserves the discomfort. I hope the girl in question is heartened by the support she's received.

kennyFromTheBlock · 14/01/2018 11:46

This reply has been deleted

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Becca19962014 · 14/01/2018 11:46

He's got his employers full details on his Facebook which is fully open so yes they can sack him because it could impact on how people view the company he works for (as a search for it could potentially bring up his page) and bring them into disrepute by association. Him having now deleted it won't make any difference as no one can control what happens to images once they've been placed online, it literally takes seconds to take a screenshot. Also there are sites that have mirrors of people's Facebook pages which aren't updated in real time - also fully searchable.

Social media, security and online behaviour (as well as actual behaviour in some cases) is something that needs to be taught to everyone and just because it is on a screen the consequences need to be the same. It annoys me when people say stupid things like it's just Facebook or similar. These are real people. There's more to this than you wanting five minutes of fame.

And it's not only men/'lads'/boys who do this shit.

MycatsaPirate · 14/01/2018 11:50

What a nasty man.

Hopefully he has now learned that what goes on the internet stays on the internet even if you think it's gone.

He will also learn that you have to pay the consequences of your actions.

Public profile, highly offensive public shaming of a stranger. Yeah, he has what's coming to him.

Hope that poor girl is ok. I would be really upset if someone posted something like that about me or one of my family.

WhooooAmI24601 · 14/01/2018 11:51

If you behave like a bellend on social media and it bites you on the arse, you deserve it. Some people treat Facebook, Twitter and Instagram like a private diary, thinking they're anonymous and immune to any sort of comeback. The sooner people stop behaving like shits online the easier life will get for them.

Losing his job is simply a natural consequence of his own shit choices. Nobody at fault but him.

juddyrockingcloggs · 14/01/2018 12:00

Good, unfortunately he probably won't lose his job though if he did I would have zero sympathy. If the guy had taken the photo and been nasty about the girls race, or about a disability (which she may actually have) or her sexuality he would not get support saying it's a 'laugh' or a bit of 'banter' but when he criticises her weight? No, sorry he's a wanker of the first degree and I hope her horse shits on him.

Smeaton · 14/01/2018 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kennyFromTheBlock · 14/01/2018 12:04

How do those of you who hope he loses his job think he should feed himself and his family and pay rent? Should he become dependent on the state?

Estellanpip · 14/01/2018 12:07

No sympathy here whatsoever and I hope he never hears the last of this. Sickening. Maybe next time he might actually engage his bloody brain.
The only reason I wouldn't want him to lose his job is the young child he's hopefully supporting. It's possible he will, though and he deserves to shit his pants over it. I wonder who he will blame if he does, though. Probably the victim of his 'banter'!

ladystarkers · 14/01/2018 12:08

He deserves his cuppanve. Vile creatureAngry

Oysterbabe · 14/01/2018 12:09

I absolutely would be sacked if I posted something like that. He deserves to face some consequences for being such a cunt.