Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Going out for dinner- who pays?

197 replies

LadyBunnysWig · 13/01/2018 12:37

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkingnotlurking · 13/01/2018 12:40

Yeah.... Um... Yanbu. Of course.

cardibach · 13/01/2018 12:40

She is a CF. You don’t need to do anything. Of course everyone pays for their own on a friends’ meet up unless there’s a very good reason why not and a prearrangement.

mumpoints · 13/01/2018 12:40

Was she suggesting a cheaper restaurant because she thought you were being too generous then?!

What is the history of paying with this person? Has she paid her own way before?

TheSnowballFairy · 13/01/2018 12:40

Did she pay last time?

PotteringAlong · 13/01/2018 12:41

I’d ignore her. She’s completely bonkers.

ThisLittleKitty · 13/01/2018 12:41

Wow

MyAimIsTrue · 13/01/2018 12:41

Blimey! So you're meant to pay for her AND apologise? Is she crazy?

I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who treated me like that.

Celticlassie · 13/01/2018 12:41

I would never assume that a friend was paying for me (and would never assume I was paying for a friend!) If a friend offered to pay for me I would refuse and insist on paying my share!

Is there precedent for this in your past?

Cupoteap · 13/01/2018 12:41

ShockConfused

BrassicaBabe · 13/01/2018 12:42

This friend is beyond bonkers. Of course you split the bill.

Oceangirl82 · 13/01/2018 12:42

YANBU

She thinks you should apologise for paying the bill???

MargaretCavendish · 13/01/2018 12:43

She is clearly being completely unreasonable. I'm quite surprised that you've only just discovered this bizarre belief about who pays in an 'old friend', though - haven't you ever eaten out together before?

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2018 12:44

Well if this is real, and I'm struggling to believe anyone is as much as an arsehole as your friend, but if it is, you're not unreasonable.

Who the fuck does that. When you go out with mates you pay your share. I can't even imagine going out for dinner with my friends and refusing to pay. And then storming out, and demanding an apology for expecting her to pay her share. That's shocking behaviour.

gunsandbanjos · 13/01/2018 12:44

She’s a loon!!

I have a friend I see every year or so as she lives far away and whenever we go out for lunch we’re always both trying to pay for the other!

c3pu · 13/01/2018 12:46

I keep reading these threads, and I really feel like I'm missing something in my life. I just never meet cheeky fuckers like this.

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2018 12:46

I'm not sure why you even need to ask if you're in the right when you clearly are

Shes completely unreasonable. Is she usually like this when you eat out?

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2018 12:47

just Ignore her. She clearly is deranged and not all there.dont text back. You're never going out together again anway. Unless you invite her and pay for her.

lurkingnotlurking · 13/01/2018 12:48

c3pu you should meet my partner's aunt. She's never gone out without her purse but my god she doesn't expect to pay. Ever. And always orders extras like the coffee at the end of the meal. Big ole cf that one

Bluelady · 13/01/2018 12:51

There comes a time in some friendships when it's time to call it a day.

Snowysky20009 · 13/01/2018 12:51

Wow CF!

Conversation should have been:-

You: Do you fancy going to x to eat?
Her: sorry it's a bit expensive
You: ok what about x?
Her: To be honest, I'm a bit skint this month, would you mind just staying in and having a bottle of wine?

Then you can either agree to stay in, or you can say 'this meal will be on me'.
I can't imagine ever doing that to a friend or a friend doing it to me.

Just text her and ask 'Are you having a laugh?'

sausagerole · 13/01/2018 12:52

This is bizarre. Even if she did expect you to pay, no-one reasonable would respond like this when they realised you didn't intend to. If anything, I'd be embarrassed about having expected you too!

MickeyLuv · 13/01/2018 12:53

She's a loony and a very CF!!

And who the heck goes out without taking their purse? Anything can happen and you never know when you might need some money.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/01/2018 12:54

Jesus, just tell her to fuck off. Why would you even consider spending any more time with her?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.