Going out for dinner- who pays?

[LadyBunnysWig]

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

'I once went on a date where the guy just sat and looked at me when the bill came, and then got up and went to the loo. I paid and never saw him again. '

And you fell for that old trick? He saw you coming.

loveka
Op has clarified it was free parking at the restaurant.
Still its not a huge assumption that if you are going out for lunch/dinner you would need your purse or are the friend

"I'm really gutted about this as I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I can't forget this happened either...."

Going by this thread, I don't really understand why you don't want to lose her as a friend, but if you really don't, then you have got to message her back, along the lines of ...

"I really don't want you to be upset, and am sorry that you are, but I do not understand what you think I need forgiveness for. I didn't at any time offer to buy you lunch. What I suggested was that we meet up! You agreed and asked where, I suggested 'restaurantA' but you thought that was an expensive place, so I suggested 'restaurantB'. At no time did I say I would pay for you and, in the past when we have had a meal together, we have split the bill. Do you now understand my confusion in the restaurant?"

OMG she has some nerve. CF in the extreme x she sounds nuts.

(p.s. though I'd still go with my first inclination, and never contact her again )

Shes not a friend, I'd drop her like a stone.
With friends it has to be 50/50 or forget it. Also no borrowing money etc. Too many piss takers in this life. Genuine people will not take advantage of you.

She's a tool.

Delete, move on. Sorry, it's shit when old friends turn out to be shit :(

Tell her you apologise for thinking she was a normal decent person, and the £20 you spent on buying her a meal was well worth the enlightenment it has bought you of her true nature.

Not for the first time, mummy2017 has hit the nail on the head, genius.

While I agree with the idea of blocking and ignoring, given this level of CFdom, I would tend to change her name in contacts to something to remind me that this is a CF. If you just delete the number, she might try it again in a few years, when you might just not recognise her number.

We have a long history together and have held each other's hands through thick and thin. She is someone who has always been there for me. This is why I am so surprised!

Thank you for all the suggestions. I think I will pinch some inspiration from your messages and just explain where I was coming from and why I was surprised. Perhaps she has calmed down by now enough to see sense. I'm hoping it was all just a big misunderstanding

Just text her letting her know how much she owes you and leave it at that. If she's really a good friend she'd apologise for just expecting you to pay without any conversation about it and pay you back. Next time you go out, make it clear you won't be footing the bill

Haven’t you ever eaten out before?

You say you want to diffuse the situation and to remain friends. She’s asking for an apology but you don’t think you should. Perhaps the non apology?

“I am sorry there is a misunderstanding that I was offering to take you out for a meal. I seem to recollect splitting the bill the last time we met up. The whole situation has taken me by surprise.”

She is out of order I meet a friend often for lunch and drinks we pay our own normally.

Surely this will be a very rare unanimous YANBU.

Next time op- "forget" your purse.

She is a CF but if you want to save the friendship how about:

"Dear friend, I am sorry there was a misunderstanding last night. I do not know how you got the mistaken impression I would be paying for both of us, but we have been friends for a long time and I would hate this incident to affect our friendship. Can we meet to discuss?"

This is both positive and dignified but makes it clear you are not going to brush it under the carpet.

That is so weird!

I have lunch every fortnight with a friend, we take it in turns to pay as its easier-but it is something we agreed in advance. It is completely normal to do 50/50.

I have another friend who is struggling financially due to a fledgling business. I occasionally take her out to lunch, agreed in advance that I am paying. I like to see this person and am happy to pay (she hates it but I insist as we’ve been friends for over 30 years and I really miss her company). She would do the same if roles were reversed.

I’d never expect anyone to pay for me. I might accept if someone offered but I expect to reciprocate.

Ditch this crazy person immediately!

OP you shouldn't wait for her to clam down, she should be waiting for you to calm down! You are the one that is allowed to be p**d off!!

Erm no. YANBU - jees, if the rule was that whoever suggested something had to pay for it then no one would initiate any meet ups lol! Amongst friends, bills should always be shared unless you stipulate it's a treat. Unless of course is a regular thing. I meet with a friend every week / two weeks and we take it turns to treat each other, it's just easier and evens out as we see each other so frequently. You're friend is being cheeky and owes you an apology!

Even when everyone’s chipping in towards a kitty, she just looks the other way Lashalicious. I suspect prior to her DH leaving her (before my time), he paid for her and in his absence she expects everyone else to do it. She is shameless.

Wow yanbu.

Unless someone makes a point of saying they want to treat me, then I assume I’m paying my half. Even if they offer I’ll always try to pay.

Can't add anything but 'wow', as so many others have already said

I don't take a purse anywhere - I don't really have one - but I do take my phone and my watch; and I can pay by those at most places. If I know I'm going somewhere that I'll need cash; I'll take my card and draw some out, too.

Regardless, I wouldn't expect a friend to pay for my meal. I sometimes take turns with my friends but I still wouldn't go out without a way to pay; incase we weren't splitting that time for whatever reason.

It's bizarre behaviour to reject the first place based on cost; and then not pay - I wonder if she never intended to pay and wanted somewhere cheaper so you'd cover it with less fuss

I'd have been the one to storm out and leave her to find a way to pay her half after her cheeky comments!! Had she said "I'm so sorry I didn't bring my purse as I misunderstood and thought you were paying" then of course I would pay but to act the way she did, I'd have left her to wash the dishes

@TheLionQueen1 it all happened too quickly or I would have

"I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive"
Which implies that at that point - at first suggestion - she was expecting to pay.

Only other possibility for such a comment is as an 'Oh, don't put yourself to all that expense!' on her part, but surely there would have been other comments AT THE TIME?

Or, during the lunch, something along the lines of 'It's so lovely of you to take me out for lunch, thank you!'. Actually, that's a thought - while she was sitting there all expectant, did she say 'thank you for lunch'?