Going out for dinner- who pays?

[LadyBunnysWig]

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

Buzz..whats applepay? Op send her a bill. I never heard something so cf before. She must have lost her mind

Very rude, but i wonder whether she got the wrong end of the stick - even so, she ought to have said something then, r/t storming out.

If you don’t want to lose her a a friend, I would say “really sorry about the misunderstanding in tne restaurant, I had thought we were meeting on shared terms and would split the bill. The change in expectation caught me in tne hop when the bill came. Did I say something to imply it was my treat? Which I wouldn’t begrudge, and I’m sure you would sometimes do the same for me! Anyway, it was lovely to catch up”

Cheeky little fxxxker ha ,... bonkers!

This woman didn't even offer to pay, that is not a friend.
Even if you go out on a date you offer to pay half.
A friends comment to being asked to pay half should have been OMG I am so sorry I thought you were buying me Dinner, would you mind paying for both of us and I will pay you as soon as i get home, or x when I get paid...
Which would have left you to either say,, nah I will just pay, you can treat next time, or to tell her to just pay you when she can...
This lady is no friend

I have a male best friend. He is earning a substantial salary compared to my benefits and is generous. We went for a meal two weeks ago and he paid. He wanted to go out for a meal last night, I declined as I have no money. He said he would pay. I said thank you, but we will go next week when I have some money..
I know I've already commented, but surely this is how things work?

You don't pay for parking at the restaurant.

She has never indicated that she is struggling financially. I know you can never know the state of someone's finances but I do know she's on a good salary and had a good chunk of savings. Doesn't mean I think she has money coming out of her ears, for all I know they're living on the breadline. But my point is we never discussed this. If she was financially short I would have offered to pay, if we had of discussed her finances in anyway it would have made sense.

We did the usual texty catch up 'how are you?' Etc etc. Then I said should we catch up properly? I haven't seen you in forever. She said yes definitely let's catch up. What do you fancy doing? I suggested restaurant A. She said is that not a bit too expensive. I suggested B. She agreed and we made a plan.

I once went on a date where the guy just sat and looked at me when the bill came, and then got up and went to the loo. I paid and never saw him again. Some people are so odd.

I guess it depends who paid last time?

As far as I remember we split the bill the last time.

Very odd!

You should say she humiliated you for making you look tight!

Of course bill should have been split. If you were paying you would have said "Lets' go out for dinner - my treat". If not directly stated it's pay for your own. Good job OP wasn't assuming friend would be paying for hers too isn't it! It's bizarre that she said Restaurant 1 was too expensive - if she thought you would paying that would indicate she was sensitive and considerate, but that doesn't carry through to her reaction when it turned out you expected (rightly in my book) to go halves.

I think she was trying it on and when you didn't just pay for hers on cue she got annoyed and then defensive. Best form of defence is attack so that's what she's done. Although with good friends you don't need to defend - if it was genuine error she should have said "OMG - so sorry, I thought you meant you were taking us out for a meal. Can I owe you?" That would be the normal response.

lovekaRTFT
Op said they were driving

She didn't say they had parked in a car park did she?

Awful, awful behavior. Expecting you to pay hers was bad enough, but starting an argument and then asking for an apology is even worse!

My FIL left my MIL when she was in her mid forties and from that day on, she has never paid for a thing. Never. She just looks the other way.

So how are you going to reply OP?

I think this did used to be a sort of upper/upper middle class etiquette thing about a million years ago, but I only know of it from reading elderly novels. It's definitely not a thing that is a current cultural norm, as you can see from this thread.

Completely bizarre. And even if it was a social norm that literally everyone else somehow didn't know about, she was still fucking rude to call you out on it in a restaurant like that.

I'd defriend her.......seems like she is taking liberties. Anyway, no one (except men!) goes out without their purse (or if they did they would soon realise).

How do you know the friend has ApplePay, BuzzKillington?

Are you the friend?

Agree w pp, very strange then, Op. A look back at your all’s texts will show whether there was any room for possible misunderstanding. You say no way, could not have been a misunderstanding. Then, she must be a whacko. Because friends normally split the bill, or as pp said, they offer to pay for each other which ends usually in splitting the bill, or one paying this time, other paying the next. But you say this friend has always split the bill in the past. Very strange indeed!

I'd message her back saying you didn't pay for her meal and wouldn't be surprised if the resteraunt has informed the police.

I'd like to nominate a former colleague for the CF award of the day -
Loaned her £20 ("sob story") - never repaid = lesson learned.
Habit of "borrowing" money from work colleagues - till they learned their lesson about her. Included borrowing from a colleague/not paying it back/trying to borrow more - insisting she had repaid first amount.
Travelling on public transport = had forgotten her purse/forgot to put money in her purse/bank card declined. Other "ruses" included travelling with her very young children/uninentionally displaying part of her uniform (empathy angle) - shouldn't have been wearing uniform travelling to/from work.
Met a woman (from work) for lunch - turned up with her oldest child/no money - colleague paid.
Other colleague passed on clothes/toys for years. Made really snide remarks behind her back.
Work nights out = constantly "sponging" drinks - especially from unknown guys.
Constantly asking/expecting lifts home (after work) - including colleague having to go out of their own way home + asking to be "dropped" at her own house instead of the road-end.
There's much more - but better stop here!
Incidentally, she earns a good salary - in most cases, more than the people she's scrounging from.
Long rant over!

So weird MadDazzle!

She sounds barking

I’d not bother replying and then delete her details from my phone

Shame when it’s an old friend but she’s clearly an AC