Going out for dinner- who pays?

[LadyBunnysWig]

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

She's batshit! I'd be tempted by an "erm ok, whatever" response and then drop her like a hot stone.

Oh and if course she had her purse. She's not the Queen.

I’d reply and say, “actually unless you apologise for the shitty way that you have behaved throughout this entire debacle, I’m not sure I can forgive you. So at least we are on the same page.” And then write her off. Who needs friends like that?!

I would have had to tell the staff to chase her as she stormed out because I wouldn't have been able to afford her half on my card. She's a CF. Apologise, my arse. I'd text her back, 'You've a helluva cheek, you pisstaking cow. That's the first time and the last time you scam me. Fuck off.'

Did you move away for a better job/prospects/does she think you have more money than her now?

She's a CF & nothing will change thst just wondered if the above was her CF thinking

YADNBU - that is incredibly cheeky of her!

YANBU. I'd have refused to pay her half and let the restaurant sort it out with her.

What?

Your friend is insane.

you are not being unreasonable - when i am that skint i say so and suggest coming round to mine for lunch (beans on toast or something cheap but suitably lunch-ish....but i do mention what i have in the cupboards in case they want to bring something or they don't like what i have to offer). Bit out of order her expecting you to pay when you were not totally explicit.
What gets me is: you paid. And she didn't say thank you and sorry about the confusion?!?!? Ungrateful heifer. I would be mortified and explain i thought you were paying and offer to pay back. Not get in a strop.

Just reply that you don't feel you can forgive her behaviour so it's probably best you cut contact.

Life's too short to deal with this shit

I had a friend I stopped seeing as she did this a lot. After four years of not talking I gave in and met up. She forgot her wallet. 😂 Bye bye!

So she got a free lunch and now wants an apology from you too? Cheeky bastard.

I’d text back

“You owe me £20. Do you want my bank details?”

Did you move away for a better job/prospects/does she think you have more money than her now?

Nah we moved because we were downsizing

"I was meeting an old friend for lunch, not going on a date. Please transfer the ££ you owe me for your meal or I will call time on the friendship."

Do you have mutual friends? Guaranteed she will tell them that you said you'd buy her lunch then expected her to pay.

My late DM always has a strange attitude to this. If you invited anyone out for a birthday celebration or whatever, you footed the bill. I can't afford birthday meals out with family for this reason. It's a revelation to go out with friends who split the bill. (For clarification, my mum was of the view that if she invited people, she would pay, not necessarily vice versa).

YANBU at all - she is just a shameless sponger. Ditch her forthwith.

We had a friend like this - had almost always very conveniently 'forgotten' his wallet when we went to eat as a foursome. After getting home he'd then say he had no cash and couldn't find his cheque book, so would ask his wife to give Dh a cheque.

We would hardly ever pay her cheque in, since she had a lot less income than him and we were 99.9% sure that he'd never pay her back - he was VERY tight, despite having plenty of money. Dh was very relaxed about paying nearly every time, just CBA to make a thing of it.
Some people just have no shame when it comes to sponging.

Normally I think this is terrible advice, but text her the link to this thread.

'I had a friend I stopped seeing as she did this a lot. After four years of not talking I gave in and met up. She forgot her wallet. '

I had a date do this. And he'd ordered a starter, a main, a dessert and latte and drunk a cocktail and a beer. I was still in the probation at my job so watching the pennies just in case and had had a main and a Coke. He smiled as he told me he'd forgot his wallet. I said that was too bad and asked the server for my bill to pay. He was shocked. 'You're not going to spot me this?' I said no. 'What am I supposed to do?' 'I don't know,' I replied and left him to it.

Fucking chancer.

I wouldn't have minded if she had of asked. Even if we had of had a calm conversation about it in the restaurant. Christ I even would have felt better if she text me afterwards apologising and saying she reacted that way because she was embarrassed or something.

but if she was expecting you to pay then why did she say no to the first place just because it was expensive???

if you wer paying then that shouldnt matter if you wer the one that mentioned it.

"My god - I'm rarely lost for words and would have trouble replying to this."

Agree with this ^ so in your place I wouldn't reply.

By messaging you, she's trying to lob the ball into your court. So don't pick it up, walk away.

Leave her wondering, by never replying to her ever again.

That’s cheeky

If you don’t want to lose her as a friend say you will pay this time but it’s her shout next time (then go to the expensive restaurant 😈). Make sure you book a time though when you can meet so she doesn’t casually “forget”

Also, lets say you DID imply you’d treat her (you didn’t but for arguments sake) then surely in the place she could have said “oh sorry! I misunderstood and I thought you were paying! No bother, I don’t have my purse (if that was even true) but could I send you the money after”

You wouldn’t start arguing about it and send texts demanding apologies after you’ve already eaten your free meal

PURSE
Interested, can you add comment purse, no purse... to your posts, as who goes out no purse ever?