Going out for dinner- who pays?

[LadyBunnysWig]

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

She’s a CF!

Especially since she decided against the first place because it’s too expensive for her, implying she knew she should pay her share!

Assuming you had pretty equal orders then half the bill is fair. If you had three courses and wine and she had chips and tap water, then she would have a point but should still pay for her own chips unless you offered to treat her!

She's a massive CF.

So she say the first restaurant was expensive, therefore you assume she’d pay for herself?! She’s definitely a CF. Who goes out without their purse?

I must live in a parallel world as I don't know anyone who would be this self entitled and cheeky. Whenever I meet up with friends to eat out we usually discuss beforehand if we are going to split the bill evenly or each pay for ourselves (especially if some of us are drinking and the driver isn't).

When everyone has piled on to this thread to tell you what a CF your "friend" is send it to her. She is so wrong and so rude and doesn't deserve you as a friend.

She’s a CF.

I’d message her back telling her to go fuck herself.

No this is the thing!!

We've not seen each other in over a year but regularly keep in touch. I moved away for a while and have recently come back to the area. Tbh I'm trying to think I can't say that we've been out for a meal together in probably a couple of years other than big group get togethers where we've all paid our way. When we used to see each other it has been round at someone's house, so if at hers she would cook and I'd bring wine and dessert and vice versa.

I was totally baffled by her behaviour and because of the absolute outrage she has at me expecting her to pay half, I was starting to doubt myself!

She obviously knew that you’d be going half’s otherwise she wouldn’t have said she couldn’t afford the more expensive restaurant.

I don’t know anyone who would expect me to pay for them.

Not even on a date do I EXPECT the man to pay.

I’d message her back telling her to go fuck herself... 'or do you want me to pay for that as well?'

If I meet a friend for lunch, we either pay half each or one of pays the whole lot and next time the other one pays.

Greedy cow!

she deliberately didn't bring her purse so that you'd HAVE to pay

awful, awful behaviour

Christ she's a CF!!!!

The bit that I don't really understand is why she said that the first place you suggested was too expensive.

If she'd always been banking on you paying for both of you, surely it wouldn't have mattered to her how expensive a restaurant was (if she never had the intention of paying).

Sorry OP :( has she apologised yet? Haven't RTFT

Thats beyond cheeky! I wouldn't bother seeing her again tbh. She obviously knew she'd have to pay otherwise she'd have said yes to the first restaurant. There's been times where I've paid for lunch with a friend and vice versa but it's always agreed upon before hand in a I'll get this one and you can get the next time kind of way.

Just tell her she is the cheekiest fucker you have ever had the misfortune to know... then block her completely

Facebook the whole ridiculous tale, if she continues to try and make you feel like the bad guy. People like her do not deserve any protection from their own stupidity!

Oh, and remind her how much her meal was, ask her if losing a friend was worth it!

I do think its the culture in some areas and friendship groups. I have a good friend who lives in a posh bit of Cheshire. When she invites me out to lunch there she always insists on paying, so I insist when she comes here.

With all my other friends we always split.

Oh my word YANBU.

Text her back and say that's good as you can't afford to be her friend anyway so you shan't be apologising.

With my friends we definitely always split. Also if she didn't intend to pay why question the price of the restaurant?

Who goes out without their purse at all? That smacks of forcing your hand into paying. CF with bells on.

She said she didn't have her purse, I doubt she didn't tbh. She had her bag with her so I don't know why she wouldn't have her purse in there.

The menu was £12.99 each plus drinks (softs as we both were driving) so it was hardly anything!!

I'm not sure if I implied somewhere along the line that I would pay. I'm racking my brains and I can't think of anything I could have said that implied that I would.

When I suggested the first place, her actual reply was "is that not a bit expensive?" Which I took to mean "that's too expensive for me"

Tell her you apologise for thinking she was a normal decent person, and the £20 you spent on buying her a meal was well worth the enlightenment it has bought you of her true nature.
Next time you wish for company over a meal you will ask the beggar in the street, as they certainly have more ethics than her...

Where do these people come from??

My god - I'm rarely lost for words and would have trouble replying to this.

I think 'Just FUCK OFF you monumental, tight, cheeky, fucksock' would be the bones of it.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable about this. Who goes out for the night with a friend without their purse? She pulled a fast one and the message was to ensure she gets out of ever having to pay you back for her half. To add insult to injury she says it doesn't matter because you can afford to pay for both of you I'd be disgusted if someone treated me in such an appalling way.

YANBU what a CF scrounger. The only times myself or my friends will expect someone else to pay is when someone explicitly says 'I will treat you/pay for you.'

I wouldn’t want to talk to her again anyway if I were you. She sounds nuts

I agree, she tried to pull a fast one and when you stood your ground she used the old storming out tactic so you were still stuck with the bill

Just text back: "Lol."

This is my advice on all CF threads.

She’s barmy. From your latest post I’m guessing she did have the impression you were treating her to lunch, though god knows why.

What she should have done when it was apparent she’d made a mistake, was to look utterly mortified and say she’d left her purse at home (after an appropriate amount of rummaging in her bag) and ask you to pay and offer to pay you back.

Her handling of the situation is her error and she’s got it very wrong. Who loses a good friend over about £15?