I feel like the worst friend ever!

[FussyKnickersAndGirlPants]

I am a bridesmaid in June and am due to go on the hen party in march. It involves a weekend away (2 nights) and includes cocktail making, afternoon tea etc etc
I don't want to go 😟 I have never spent more than one night away from DH and children in 12 years. I have such anxiety of being away from them that I had a (planned) home birth on our last baby (who was 9lbs11oz.... Jeez that wasn't easy lol)
I'm so worried about telling my best friend. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to let her down .... but genuinely, i don't think I can cope with being away from DH and the children for a whole weekend!
I feel like I'm being so irrational and self centred. I don't know if IBU? I don't want to ruin her hen weekend not being there, but I don't want to ruin it by bursting on to tears and wanting to go home.
There are at least 15 - 20 going on this weekend. Would she miss me? Would it be awful for one of her bridesmaids not to be there (there are 2 bridesmaids)
Sorry.... I'm rambling.... I just don't want to be a terrible person 😢

I was a bridesmaid for my friend and didnt go on either of her hen parties (there was about 20 people inc 1 bridesmaid out of 3!!) If your friend is a good friend (she obviously is otherwise you wouldn't be a bridesmaid) i am sure she will understand. I didnt like leaving my dd (not down to anxiety but just because i felt that i hadnt had a child for others to look after them) but eventually let her stay with grand parents for a night it was strange the first time ( eerily quiet) but dd loved it, shes only 5 and i can count on 1 hand the times shes stayed away from home. Its normal to want to be with your kids. Dont feel pressured into anything do whats right for you, but maybe look at why you feel so anxious about it. Maybe as others have posted try it for the day with a view to coming home at night (depending on travel time / disrance) if you feel really bad about not being there. Feeling guilty about leaving your kids is normal in my eyes its called being a parent!!!!!! To make it up to my friend we had girly time the night before the wedding (meal drinks, girly chats at the hotel wedding venue) where both my dh and dd were staying too!! Best of both worlds for me!!!! Do whats right for you

I have a lot of sympathy for severe anxiety, it is truly awful and relentless. The only way to get past it, in my experience is to push yourself through it. The more you avoid situations which make you feel anxious, the narrower your world will become and the worse your anxiety will get.

Make baby steps, do something each day that makes you feel anxious. The sense of achievement you will feel when you accomplish each task will be significant and will drive you on to achieve more. It is hard but if you want to lead a full life, you really need to get a hold of this. Best of luck.

Bencrone - go to google, type in separation anxiety, and then learn that you’re ignorant and should learn to think before you type.

They cut the cord for a reason. Have you ever considered your partner and children might welcome a few days away from you?