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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from nephew's wedding

287 replies

mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:15

Feeling really crap as I found out ( when the invite landed) that we've only been invited to the evening do of my only nephew's wedding. I know it's their day and they can do what they like but I feel really upset about it. They've had lots of opportunties to tell us before now. It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me. My mother on the other hand agrees with me.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2018 09:17

Are you close? Do you see them much. If not than YAbvvu.

MatildaTheCat · 12/01/2018 09:17

YANBU to feel hurt but VVVU to have mentioned it to your sister and mother.

Suck it up and smile pleasantly.

weepingangel12 · 12/01/2018 09:17

It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me.

For what? What did you do after you got the invite?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 12/01/2018 09:19

When was the last time you saw your nephew and his fiancée? How often do you see them? What was said that caused the "rift"?

Original poster
mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:21

Told my Mother that we weren't invited and she was surprised as I was. Honestly, it was a total shock. We are not a big family and it really hurts.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/01/2018 09:23

Your sister is blaming you for the "rift"... Well, only you could have caused it? Confused

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2018 09:23

Ok, it really hurting needs some context. Are you close, see them often? How many folks are invited to ceremony and breakfast?

Original poster
mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:23

I'm trying to, but it's really hard. We saw them at Christmas and they said nothing! It's the way they have handled it.

OP posts:
weepingangel12 · 12/01/2018 09:23

But what is that your sister is blaming you for? What did you do?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 12/01/2018 09:24

I didn’t have any uncles, aunts, cousins or grandparents at my wedding at all! Not because I have an issue with them, just because it was a small registry office wedding with a reception in a room above a pub.

I don’t understand why blood automatically guarantees you a free pass to somebody else’s big day.

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2018 09:25

If you want help you need to be more forthcoming,

Seeing them at Xmas explains nothing. So the question remains, how often do you see them, you go to them, them come to you, how close are you,how many folks at ceremony and breakfast.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/01/2018 09:25

What rift? Who did you talk to? How they handled what?

goldengimbas · 12/01/2018 09:26

What is your sister blaming you for? Telling your mum you and not been invited? Think your mum might have worked that out for herself

Original poster
mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:26

It all boils down to money. They could not afford a big do, but bride insisted on it. Yet she still manages to afford 6 bridesmaids?? I'm just really unhappy with the way they have handled things.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/01/2018 09:27

Sigh, I've no idea why people post and refuse to explain themselves.

Original poster
mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:27

Reacting the way I did - in shock and hurt.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/01/2018 09:27

I think this is really cheeky if you were expecting to be invited for the whole day. I'd send a card and a small gift and not go. If somebody has a huge family then it's different. But you've said you've got a small family. How many people are going.

Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2018 09:28

I still can't see how a 'rift' has occurred.

I do understand why you feel hurt though - I've got uncles I'm not especially close to (don't even really like them) but invited them to my wedding anyway to keep the peace with my grandmother. They didn't turn up on the day though so wish I hadn't bothered!

Still, the extra puddings were good!

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2018 09:28

Well if you explained yourself to them as well as you're explaining yourself on here, I can see why they'd be pissed off.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/01/2018 09:28

Does they way they have handled it mean they haven't given in to your tantrum on discovering you haven't been invited, by any chance?
I'm struggling to see how the non invitation could have caused a rift if you hadn't behaved badly in some way as a response?

HermionesRightHook · 12/01/2018 09:28

Are you actually close to them? I didn't really want to invite all my relations that I hardly see to my wedding but I couldn't be arsed dealing with the woe and drama fall out for the next 40 years.

I think we did the right thing, seeing your reaction, but it's not hard to be a bit more pleasant about it instead of complaining - if you aren't close why would you take precedence over people they are much nearer too?

ChasedByBees · 12/01/2018 09:28

I do feel there’s a middle part of this story missing if it’s caused a rift.

Are you the only person not invited to the whole thing? How often do you see them? It would have been more awkward to say ‘you’re only invited to the evening but because of x, y and z’. Receiving the invite is as good a time as any to tell you.

Greensleeves · 12/01/2018 09:29

Are they having other uncles/aunts there? Is it a very simple ceremony with just parents/witnesses?

Either way, yanbu to feel hurt and disappointed. You can't help how you feel Flowers

Butterymuffin · 12/01/2018 09:29

OK if it's a 6 bridesmaid do, but an aunt can't be included in the day invitations, then that's off and I'd be hurt too.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2018 09:29

Read your update. Could be brides family is paying for the whole thing and she will be deciding on who is invited to what. In which case send a card and don't go.