Excluded from nephew's wedding

[mumwhite]

Feeling really crap as I found out ( when the invite landed) that we've only been invited to the evening do of my only nephew's wedding. I know it's their day and they can do what they like but I feel really upset about it. They've had lots of opportunties to tell us before now. It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me. My mother on the other hand agrees with me.

weepingangel
Yes they are. At least that’s what the Priest/vicar/registrar have said at most weddings I have been to.

I feel for you, OP and i can understand why you're upset and hurt - they've deliberately snubbed you.
The bride might not like you, but i'm assuming your nephew has a good relationship with you and it's his wedding too so he should have spoken up and invited you.

Personally, i'd just send a card (no gift) and decline the invite.
No way would i make the effort of all that travelling and expense just to attend the evening do for such ignorant people.

As for those saying that 6 bridesmaids don't cost anything - that's laughable.
Just reading some of the wedding threads on here you can see that they do cost money - even if they buy their own dresses and pay for their own make-up/hair etc, also factor in the cost of paying for their meal and/or wedding favours.

No @yorkshireyummymummy, that's your opinion. Weddings mean different things to different people.

This is a wedding you disapprove of. The couple are people you don't see often. You dislike the bride intensely and don't see the groom often.

Why on earth do you think the couple owe you an explanation for inviting you to the evening section of their wedding and not the entire day, when you will not be celebrating anything because you think the wedding is a huge mistake, describe the bride as a problem and are clear that and the groom disserves better? Doesn't make you a wedding guest of choice really!

"Come and help us celebrate something you wholeheartedly disapprove of! Live from one person you pity and don't know well and one person you despise!"

Weddings - what fun

TeeBee

I agree. A wedding is about a couple getting married. Any guff about it being about something else is projection.

Of course there are lots of family at most weddings, because most families more or less rub along nicely and they can be accommodated.

My wedding day guests total 60, and the split is about 20 family, 40 friends. We have a lot of friends, and we're not close to the family we aren't inviting. I would absolutely not bump real friends for a infrequently seen relative.

It's this kind if entitlement that has made me put planning our wedding on the back burner for the time being, expectations and demands along with everyone thinking they should be there.

Its not your day, its not about you, suck it up and either go to the reception & be happy for them or don't.

Either way, keep your oar out is my opinion.

Just wrap a £10 toaster in a big box with lovely wrapping and giggle into your prosecco.

yorkshire - oh, well that makes it true then...

I've seen countless religious weddings of non-religious couples. Couples who vow to be faithful who cheat. Someone standing at the front of the room with a book doesn't make it fact.

I'm sure someone's Great Aunt Ethel is now bosom friends with Cousin Vera from the bride's side, but in the vast majority of cases the families continue to have nothing to do with each other.

Ask if you can come to his next wedding instead. It doesn't sound as though this marriage is going to last long, anyway.

@lookingforthecorkscrew exactly! I'm inviting the top 60 people in mine and OHs life. Doesn't exactly sound like OP would be in that category for the bride and groom!

I know there is more of the brides family going

Well you can invite whoever you want to a wedding but it seems like the money issue is just a ridiculous excuse considering the bride is inviting her side of the family.

I can understand why you are upset. Especially if you feel you are close. I think times have changed and just being family no longer guarantees an invite to the day do. I know you are angry but don't blame the bride. Her bridesmaids will be her best friends and there's no reason you should trump them on the invitation list. They'll have divided the guest list between them and if you're not invited it's your nephews choice. It's not a great situation but you shouldn't have let them know you're angry. Go to the evening do with good grace and get them a nice gift to make it up to them. This is their big day, they can run it however they want.

I didn't invite my aunt or uncle to my wedding I only see them once a year plus I only wanted people who we were close to there

You don't think Australia would have been something helpful to mention in your OP?

I had a small wedding (less than 40) - and didn't invite one of my aunts - we're not at all close, don't see each other etc. Felt no familial obligation to invite her in lieu of people I was (and remain) much closer to.

Thinking about my nieces and nephews now - I would never presume an invite to their imaginary future weddings.

OP - I think you're just going to have to dust yourself down and get on with life.

I hate weddings so woukd be relieved. But yeah YANBU and the other fsmily members soukd see that too. If you dont get to go Id prob have nothing to do with them it costs nothing for a church etc. x

well when my dc gets married, they won't be inviting a couple of their aunties. simply because they have never bothered with them. they don't see them. so why should dc use up 4 spaces for them.

I think the OP knows they've behaved badly and this is why they're only posting part of the story. To react at "hurt and shock" at the "situation"? Really? Seems completely over dramatic. The OP dislikes the bride, isn't that close to the couple, another aunt is apparently being invited for the evening do yet OP feels put out? I think the engaged couple have been very generous.

OP will go to the whole day - she's got Mum onside, sister is complaining of a rift being caused, OP is saying she won't go for just the evening as it is tooooooooo far, so Bride and Groom will give in for peace and I predict a full invite within the next 24 hours.

Also having seen the error of their ways, bride and groom will invite Auntie from Australia to the honeymoon.

And everyone will live happily ever after (Until first baby arrives and everyone can go apeshit over the Christening invitations and how mortally offended they are that baby hasn't been named after Great Uncle Beelzebub )

I don't know about this thread but in general to not invite your aunt to your wedding is unthinkable. My cousin is a massive snob and did this very thing. She continues to make her world a little colder every year.

“OK if it's a 6 bridesmaid do, but an aunt can't be included in the day invitations, then that's off and I'd be hurt too.”

I agree. We invited all of my aunts and uncles (and all of OH’s aunts and uncles), and had one bridesmaid. I don’t understand why so many weddings these days have to have so many bridesmaids. I expect it is probably all to do with photos and social media which IMO, is the wrong reason.

When OH and I got married 36 years ago weddings were primarily family celebrations (including children) with a few friends. Nowadays it is usually friends (often excluding children) and maybe a few family members. Weddings these days seem more narcissistic and all about the bride rather than celebrating the beginning of a marriage. I find it all rather sad.

“An aunt coming from Australia is only invited to the evening do.”

Surely they wouldn’t invite someone from the other side of the world just for an evening party? That is ridiculous. The bridezilla sounds rather full of her self-importance. Given what you have told us so far it sounds like the marriage doesn’t have much going for it.

“in real life weddings are about families No they are about the bride and Groom”

In my world weddings are about the bride and groom and families, but I appreciate that it isn’t the case for other people.

If you dont get to go Id prob have nothing to do with them it costs nothing for a church etc. x

The meal etc. afterwards is the expensive bit!

I don't understand the concept of an evening do, personally. I've never just been invited to one and would be unlikely to accept if I was. Isn't it a way of telling a group of people that they're not important to you but you'd love a gift anyway?