Excluded from nephew's wedding

[mumwhite]

Feeling really crap as I found out ( when the invite landed) that we've only been invited to the evening do of my only nephew's wedding. I know it's their day and they can do what they like but I feel really upset about it. They've had lots of opportunties to tell us before now. It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me. My mother on the other hand agrees with me.

The main problem is a bride wanting a big do, but not got the funds to pay for it. The same bride had an affair with my nephews friend yet he still goes ahead with the wedding...

Omg. Firstly there is no money problem, it's their wedding and sod all to Do with uou. And it's fuck all to do with you their relationship
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You sound like a right judgemental busy body. I'm surprised they've invited you at all. You clearly disapprove of the bride.

Seeing your ops re living too far to go to the evening do its becoming clear you might be seen as difficult. You never live too far as you stay if you went to the whole day and can stay if you go to the evening. Op id use this evening invite, be polite, buy a nice gift and end the rift and remember this wedding isnt about you!!

Said it was about money

You don’t like the bride to be- that’s why you’ve got an evening invite. It’s not that difficult to figure out.

OP you’re digging yourself a bigger hole tbh, just accept YABU and send them a toaster or something

Maybe you haven't been invited to the whole thing because you think so little of the bride?

She is the problem. My Nephew is a lovely guy and deserves so much better

No you're the problem. You need to decline the invite. No one wants someone there who disapproves of the marriage and feels the bride isn't good enough. That's awful. You hardly bloody know them.

Haha

Don't try and push this on the bride. This is your nephew, who you aren't close to. I doubt she made him take you off the list at gunpoint, and since you're sneering about her on the internet, I think she's made sound choice in having six real life friends with her on the day.

How did you react in 'hurt and shock'?

Your mum being on your side counts for little - of course she would want both her children there. Your sister is defending the rights of her own child to have a wedding that isn't marred by a row from someone who isn't close to the couple, only nephew or otherwise.

Said it was about money

They were being kind. You tell guests its about money rather than tell them "you're not invited because you hate the bride".

Would people here invite their grooms aunt if she hated you and said mean things about you?

This has to be made up as the updates just keep confirming why shes only invited to the evening. You dont like the bride...do you think that might be the reason why. Op mend this rift, you sound very judgemental. Please read what youve written. Enjoy the evening do x

Oh OP I would be hurt too if I was excluded from my DN's wedding. I'd be really upset in fact.

Unfortunately I think you just have to suck it up, smile and get on with it.

Often the bride and her family take over the arrangements and sort of 'forget' that the groom is a pretty fundamental part of the wedding, and the marriage.

My mums twin sisters daughter got married and my mum only got an invite to the evening reception, but her brother got invited to the whole day!!
When my mum asked her twin why she also hadn’t been invited to the whole thing her twin said “it’s for immediate family only” my mum said you can’t get much more immediate that a twin.

I know she was deeply hurt by this as they were close or so she thought, so I said that when I get married I won’t invite her, sadly my mum died 3years before I got married but I never forgot how upset she was and didn’t invite my aunt to my wedding at all and I’m glad I didn’t.

It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me.

Well.... if you are causing a rift then yeah its your fault! Jesus.

No not at all. I have never said anything about her to anyone, I know it's none of my business. I'm not like that at all.

Fuck me.
Drip
Drip
Drip

You don’t even like the bride!

Is your mother and sister going?

We live too far away to just go for the evening

That's your shout if you think it's not worth the drive for a couple of hours less.

Oh OP I would be hurt too if I was excluded from my DN's wedding. I'd be really upset in fact
If you hated the bride, thought the wedding was a mistake, and you weren't at all close?

If you only said something to your mum how has it caused a rift?

So sorry you lost your Mum x You know where I'm coming from then.

When I wrote my wedding list I had a bit of a Marie Kondo approach: Does this person bring me joy?

Because fuck it, it was my day and I was paying £4000 for it.

Perhaps your feelings about the bride are well known (if you have talked to your mum about it for example,or someone else) and so they prioritised friends?

I did not invite ANY of my aunts to our wedding, and we had 60 people there!

Seriously- if you want to go, go. Stop gossiping with your mum (because it is clearly passed back to your sister and that is equally clearly helping no-one.)

Go, take a present and enjoy the champagne and dancing- you will be there for the best bit by far!!!!!! And if you have to travel- even better, you get to enjoy th local area without being stuck in a stuffy wedding.

So the bride to be is insisting on a big wedding even though they don't have the money and she's had an affair. She sounds like a real keeper. Why would you want to even go to a wedding like that where everyone is burying their head in the sand. I expect your sister is extremely stressed knowing her son is about to make a huge mistake and that she is stuck with a horrible DIL.