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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from nephew's wedding

287 replies

mumwhite · 12/01/2018 09:15

Feeling really crap as I found out ( when the invite landed) that we've only been invited to the evening do of my only nephew's wedding. I know it's their day and they can do what they like but I feel really upset about it. They've had lots of opportunties to tell us before now. It's caused a whole rift, and my sister's blaming me. My mother on the other hand agrees with me.

OP posts:
Iloverichtea · 12/01/2018 13:09

FUCK I hate the attitude of people "deserving " invites because they're family. When DH and I got married we invited the people we are actually close to and whom we cared about, and cared about us.

OP you sound just like various aunts and uncles of both of ours who still don't speak to us cos they weren't invited to the whole day. Of those, several we hadn't actually met from the other's side (despite being together 5 years before getting married) and I didn't even know one of my aunt's surname!

So yes YABU. Massively. Don't be so bloody entitled!

Notreallyarsed · 12/01/2018 13:11

This policy should be obligatory for everyone attending weddings; you're only allowed to go if you're willing to celebrate the couple. So, OP, by our rule you should be declining the invite anyway since you can't abide the bride

I can’t abide my brother, so if someone could just make this a legal requirement it would get me out of this wedding and the next however many he ends up having because no wife can bear him for longer than a year

slashlover · 12/01/2018 13:24

Why is everything being put onto the bride? The bride wanted a big wedding. The bride wanted X amount of bridesmaids.

Obviously your oh so perfect nephew has no say in his own marriage...or maybe, just maybe he's protecting his soon-to-be-wife because he knows his whole side is toxic and petty.

Taylor22 · 12/01/2018 13:29

An aunt coming from Australia is only invited to the evening do

So an Aunt they never see who probably got a token even in invite out of obligation is choosing to come.

What's the problem? It's an invite not a summons.
If she's choosing to make the trip then she doesn't get to play the martyr.

kissmethere · 12/01/2018 13:30

OP you're update is still vague. If you want advice stop being, as a pp said, as clear as mud.

weepingangel12 · 12/01/2018 13:33

By not inviting us, my parents will be very much on their own from our side. This was why I was so surprised at not being invited?? It has left them no option but not go. This will upset my nephew, but honestly if you knew what happened years ago, you would totally understand where they are coming from

Your parents are skipping their grandsons wedding because you aren't going? What a family!

Taylor22 · 12/01/2018 13:35

The bride was warned that a traditional wedding was a really bad idea, then chose to ignore it. The real person to blame in all of this is my sister and her 'car crash' marriages

Or maybe the bride decided not to crate a stage for you and your families pathetic drama and decided to plan a day just about her and the man she loves.

You sound desperate. Are your parents frail? Incapable? Do you care for them day to day?
They have each other and their family there. They can go they're choosing not to.
Fine that's their choice. But again they don't get to bitch about it.

OlennasWimple · 12/01/2018 13:35

Someone needs to "warn" the bride what kind of family she is marrying into, poor woman

Peachyking000 · 12/01/2018 13:35

Christ. We had this drama from DH’s family as we weren’t inviting any aunts and uncles to our wedding.

I can’t understand why anyone would want to be that annoying relative who can’t/won’t avcept that they haven’t been invited, and makes a massive fuss about it.

kissmethere · 12/01/2018 13:37

Yes, if only we knew what happened years ago🙄.
Yabu OP sorry.

saladdays66 · 12/01/2018 13:37

The same bride had an affair with my nephews friend yet he still goes ahead with the wedding...
She is the problem. My Nephew is a lovely guy and deserves so much better.

Ah, you hate the bride. Maybe the feeling is mutual and she doesn't want you at her wedding?

Without the back story, yes, it does seem like a hurtful decision, especially if it is a big wedding and you are a small family.

What other family do you have? Has everyone else been invited to the
whole thing?

If they have, then it looks fairly pointed: you haven't been invited because the bride knows you don't like/approve of her.

fluffiphlox · 12/01/2018 13:39

I would never EXPECT an invitation to anything.

ShatnersWig · 12/01/2018 13:40

This will be in the Mail. It's too well thought out and has plenty of drip feeding to ensure lots of postings to give enough for an article. Especially for a first time poster. Who just happened to find AIBU.

Taylor22 · 12/01/2018 13:41

And Op I had a 'big wedding' my whole family were invited.
My husband chose not to invite his maternal uncle and Aunty because he didn't like them. His family are very small. There was definitely room for them. But they didn't deserve to come.

Taylor22 · 12/01/2018 13:42

And his Aunt was outraged as well as my MIL delighted in telling us. My husband told his mother straight. She wasn't invited because he didn't like them and hadn't said two words to us through our whole relationship.

loobyloo1234 · 12/01/2018 13:51

Got to page 4 and the DRIP DRIP DRIP feed was nauseating. If you're this annoying in real life OP, I can see why they have left you out of the all day invites

MiddleClassProblem · 12/01/2018 13:57

I love how it’s your sister’s multiple divorces that are the problem not her interfering sister and not the bride or the the groom who surely could have put his foot down if it upset him so much that you’re not going to be there.

FlakeBook · 12/01/2018 14:07

Blimey. I was pretty much forced to invite an uncle to my wedding. I next saw him at a funeral ten years later. He didn't even send a card when I had children. I'll never see him again now the grandparents have died.

It's ridiculous.

Graphista · 12/01/2018 14:09

"Ok so I don't see them that often" I can't imagjne why Hmm

You sound really bloody hard work.

"I'm surprised they've invited you at all." Me too!

"It's just we are a small family." Completely irrelevant

"We live too far away to just go for the evening." They don't really want you there at all then, I'm thinking you MUST have done something to offend them at some point.

"The same bride had an affair with my nephews friend yet he still goes ahead with the wedding" ffs! The number of bm's, how big the wedding is, THEIR PERSONAL relationship - all NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Apologise to them and your sister, ASAP! decline invite send card and small gift.

"has you sister and mother been invited to the whole thing?" Erm thinking the sister of the op is grooms mother? So higher priority.

I am not buying for ONE SECOND that you've said NOTHING to anyone about your clear disapproval hatred for the bride!

"An aunt coming from Australia is only invited to the evening do" no I'm calling this out as a lie too aimed at eliciting a change in response here.

Unless it’s a tiny wedding or there is a specific reason - yea I'm guessing the "specific reason" is how op treats the BRIDE - why anyone would want someone at their wedding who is going to look down their nose and quite possibly make disparaging comments about the bride is beyond me!

also - bear in mind this is how the op (presumably) behaves sober! Add alcohol to this fraught situation it's a potential nightmare!

Re bridesmaids op hasn't said who they are - could even be brides sisters!

"Your nephew is weak"

A - how do you know the nephew isn't in total agreement - may even be Shock his idea! Especially as he knows you better!

B giving in to the aunt if that isn't what he or the bride would be weak!

Again! Not buying that YOU not going means your parents "can't"

And instead of admitting what you said to cause a rift (which I have no doubt is what happened) you're blaming EVERYONE else and flouncing - mature!

"My husband and I got married abroad to avoid all this" oh my god you are SUCH a hypocrite!

lurkingnotlurking · 12/01/2018 14:12

I was forced to invite my NC sister to my wedding. The police were called on her for drunken, out of control behaviour a couple of nights before. And she didn't even wear a bra under her dress (both equally wrong I my eyes!). My other two sisters were not forced to invite her to theirs after her behaviour then

weepingangel12 · 12/01/2018 14:21

not wearing a bra and drunk and disorderly criminal behavior are equally as bad?
Hmm

peachgreen · 12/01/2018 14:26

@ilovegin112 How ridiculous. I go to plenty of places where I don't know anyone apart from DH and we have a lovely time. Pathetic for a married couple to refuse to attend a wedding simply because they won't know anybody there.

lurkingnotlurking · 12/01/2018 14:28

Come on, who doesn't wear a bra under a cotton summer dress with no structure in that area? I mean I'm used to her needing the police to be called loads of times over the years.. But no bra? I am a bit tongue in cheek here of course

Notreallyarsed · 12/01/2018 14:29

@lurkingnotlurking I shouldn’t have laughed but I had a vision of me, braless, dancing with abandon and knocking out anyone within 2 feet of me (I’m a GG) Grin

Notreallyarsed · 12/01/2018 14:30

I’m obviously not laughing about your sister, sorry if it seemed like I was.