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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To really dislike ex's girlfriend for trying to meddle and harm my daughters?

286 replies

CantBringMeDown · 08/01/2018 08:57

ExH pays a larger amount of maintenance than most, but it's still "only"the set legal amount.
We have 2 dcs (dd11 months and dd 4.5yr old) he has 11 month old dd one full day including night then one evening and one day time.
He picks older dd up from school, takes her for dinner or to his home until 4:30/5pm then brings her home. This happens 1-3x a week dependent on his ability due to his very tough work schedule.
He also has older dd the same night as younger dd.
we both try to be flexible and coparent wonderfully.
A few weeks ago oldest dd started being very nervous whenever ex would try to buy her anything, she started scouring menus for the cheapest item and stopped asking for little things whenever she went into shops with ex - nothing major just the usual sweet or magazine she'd want. Ex asked if I'd said anything to her I truthfully said no. It's now come to light that, when ex left the girls with his GF she had a screaming fit at them (unsure how the youngest would've understood it but she had been very restless for a few days after) this has really effected eldest DD.
the gf said things like "your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"
I'm so angry and I really dislike the GF now. I don't know how ex plans to deal with it but would I be unreasonable to say she can never have the girls without being supervised by ex or someone else and ask him to limit their contact with her?
For further info, he's a high earner, she's a shop assistant. They don't live together. It's not like it's coming out of joint money. It's his money and we're happy with how things are. He has no idea why she has done this but I haven't been able to talk to him properly about a resolution yet.

OP posts:
RavingRoo · 08/01/2018 08:59

Of course you are not unreasonable for demanding that. She should never be allowed unsupervised near your girls.

MsJolly · 08/01/2018 09:03

YRNBU at all-I would be saying the same.

Chipsahoy82 · 08/01/2018 09:04

Wow OP, I would be LIVID if anyone spoke to my child like that. How long have they been together? You absolutely must raise it with him as soon as possible and ensure your children are never left unsupervised with her. Vile woman.

Wakeuptortoise · 08/01/2018 09:04

Oh dear. Your poor girls. Yanbu to ask she has no contact with them again. Gold digging bitch.

jaseyraex · 08/01/2018 09:04

YANBU. She was aggressive to your very young children. Of course she shouldn't have them on her own. If I was your husband I would have to think if I really wanted to be with a woman who shouted and swore at my kids and bad mouthed my ex.

CantBringMeDown · 08/01/2018 09:05

Thank you it's just really hard to try to be reasonable when I feel so angry.
She must be demented to scream at such young children and what I want to do is punch her but I don't want to flip out and harm ex and I's good coparenting relationship so I'm trying to prepare what I think should happen and how to say it without letting how angry I am taint it

OP posts:
Daffodils07 · 08/01/2018 09:05

Wow what a cow, yadnbu to not let the girlfriend have any contact with your children.
I really hope the childrens dad talks to this woman and leave the bitch if she doesnt sort her attitude out.
She sounds very jealous and thats a nasty trait to have esp about little children.

CantBringMeDown · 08/01/2018 09:07

They've been together around a year; they started dating when I was heavily pregnant with youngest dd.

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 08/01/2018 09:07

He is aware that she did this? And he's still with her?

OlibobTop · 08/01/2018 09:08

your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"

Your DD repeated that to you word for word, or did the GF admit it?

Wishfulmakeupping · 08/01/2018 09:09

I wouldn't have my dc anywhere near someone who spoke like that to them disgusting

SchoolMoney · 08/01/2018 09:09

How is he even still seeing her after she did that?!?!? But no yanbu!!!

UrgentExitRequired · 08/01/2018 09:09

I completely agree with others, under no circumstances would i allow her to be alone with my kids again. She sounds like a money grabber!

flapjackfairy · 08/01/2018 09:10

Any decent father would kick her into touch immediately. And as you say he is a good dad hopefully he has already done it !

BoredOnMatLeave · 08/01/2018 09:10

I would be annoyed if your Ex didn't break up with her to be honest...

PippaSqueaks · 08/01/2018 09:10

the gf said things like "your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"

I'm not in any way trying to defend the girlfriend, but you're saying that your 4 1/2 year old DD repeated this to you?

CantBringMeDown · 08/01/2018 09:11

Yes; he's aware.
Dd told me last night.
I called him immediately and told him what had been said and that I believe dd (I do, she has no reason to lie and it fits perfectly with her recent behaviour) he spoke to gf and she admited she "lost it a bit" because he always seems so stressed having to provide for me and I'm a lazy cow Hmm. I'm not sure what's happening between them right now; he's in work today, but he'll be coming around to talk to me about this later on. He has told me he will sort it.

Tbf, I'd say they won't last very long as I dont think he'd stay with someone but it's his choice and I just have to keep the girls safe from her. I can't have my children terrified of their dad buying them a meal or a crunchie in a shop!

OP posts:
DaisysStew · 08/01/2018 09:11

No way would my kids be going near her again. Your poor DD Sad

Karigan1 · 08/01/2018 09:15

Your ex sounds like a reasonable co-parent. I think just talk out solutions with him when he comes round later but in the circumstances I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for them not to be left with that.

thethoughtfox · 08/01/2018 09:16

I wouldn't let them near her and it would be his decision how he wanted to proceed. You would hope this girl would be gone but if he was dating while you were pregnant, even if you had separated, he might continue to put himself first.

BertrandRussell · 08/01/2018 09:16

Blimey! Your 4 year old reported that back?

Collaborate · 08/01/2018 09:16

For now I think you have to wait and see what he says tonight. I think if he's got even the tiniest of moral compass he'll kick her in to touch.

OlibobTop · 08/01/2018 09:17

OP, how did you find out word for word what the gf said?

PippaSqueaks · 08/01/2018 09:17

"your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"

Yeah, I'm finding it hard to believe that a 4 year old is able to string a sentence like that together.

apresski · 08/01/2018 09:17

Not defending either but my 4.5 yr old wouldn't know the word slut to be able to repeat that conversation, nor would she be able to scour a menu for the lowest priced meal.... hope the GF didn't say those words as really not fair on the children at all

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