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Original poster

To really dislike ex's girlfriend for trying to meddle and harm my daughters?

286 replies

CantBringMeDown · 08/01/2018 08:57

ExH pays a larger amount of maintenance than most, but it's still "only"the set legal amount.
We have 2 dcs (dd11 months and dd 4.5yr old) he has 11 month old dd one full day including night then one evening and one day time.
He picks older dd up from school, takes her for dinner or to his home until 4:30/5pm then brings her home. This happens 1-3x a week dependent on his ability due to his very tough work schedule.
He also has older dd the same night as younger dd.
we both try to be flexible and coparent wonderfully.
A few weeks ago oldest dd started being very nervous whenever ex would try to buy her anything, she started scouring menus for the cheapest item and stopped asking for little things whenever she went into shops with ex - nothing major just the usual sweet or magazine she'd want. Ex asked if I'd said anything to her I truthfully said no. It's now come to light that, when ex left the girls with his GF she had a screaming fit at them (unsure how the youngest would've understood it but she had been very restless for a few days after) this has really effected eldest DD.
the gf said things like "your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"
I'm so angry and I really dislike the GF now. I don't know how ex plans to deal with it but would I be unreasonable to say she can never have the girls without being supervised by ex or someone else and ask him to limit their contact with her?
For further info, he's a high earner, she's a shop assistant. They don't live together. It's not like it's coming out of joint money. It's his money and we're happy with how things are. He has no idea why she has done this but I haven't been able to talk to him properly about a resolution yet.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 09/01/2018 10:05

All went well and exh is now happily single

Very glad to read that.

Had he come to that decision on his own before you'd even spoken to him, or did he need it pointing out to him how toxic that woman was?

StellaHeyStella · 09/01/2018 10:11

Op I'm de-lurking here to say I'm so chuffed at the outcome.
Ex p woke up to how his gf really was and got rid, his dc came first.
Excellent.

sentenceinterrupted · 09/01/2018 10:17

OP, just found this thread. Just wanted to apologise on behalf of the reasonable GrinMumsnetters for the people who are on MN looking for a fight because they're not able to see things outside their own version of the world.

So glad it all worked out for you all!

pinkbraces · 09/01/2018 10:24

NeanderthalWoman what a fantastic post, lets encourage all NRP's not to pay the legal amount of maintenance and just help out when they can. Angry

OP great resolution for all concerned.

My ex and I co-parented really well (DD is now 23) and I can honestly say it gave her the happiest of childhoods, not just my words hers. My ex would have done the same.

SoupDragon · 09/01/2018 10:25

I've had several, which is why I find some of this far fetched.

I have also had several and do not find it far fetched.

StealthNinjaMum · 09/01/2018 10:26

Op, sounds like your ex has his daughters best interests at heart, what an evil woman. He is well rid of her.

For what it's worth my 4 year old dd would also have been able to repeat a conversation that upset her like that.

MotherofaSurvivor · 09/01/2018 10:40

My daughter isn't 3 until next week but is currently reciting every. single. word. of an episode of Bing!

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2018 10:48

Neanderthalwoman-never has a poseee been better named!

BertrandRussell · 09/01/2018 10:49

.....poster....

Hippee · 09/01/2018 10:55

I know this thread has pretty much run its course, but my friend's son, just after his second birthday, said "Did you know that Louis Bleriot crossed the English Channel in a bi-plane?" - at a time when my two year old could say "mummy", "daddy" and "dog". I probably wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it myself. Children are amazing.

DeadButDelicious · 09/01/2018 10:57

Glad to hear she's gone OP!

For what it's worth 4/5 year old me used to spell out words I saw on signs etc. My dad would encourage me to sound out suitable words and one day I saw a piece of graffiti and just started spelling it out, F...U....C... I didn't get to the end. I also understood that some things cost more than others that 3 was more than 1. Four year olds are much more sophisticated then they are given credit for. I can completely believe one would be able to recite something they'd heard. Especially if it was yelled at them.

MinorRSole · 09/01/2018 11:16

, he mentioned that he doesn't make her pay maintenance and he's making do. I found it admirable, wish women could be like that.

@NeandathalWoman can you explain a bit more - you find it admirable that a parent would force their child to 'make do' rather than expect their other parent to contribute? Is that what you meant or have I misunderstood hopeful

CherryMaDeara · 09/01/2018 11:26

I imagine the exes partner just mentioned about not wasting money as she works hard for a low income and doesn't have an ex partner bombarding her wish cash each week. Sorry OP I don't believe it.

Neanderthalwoman

The ex's partner is not spending her own 'low income' on her partner's kids, is she? Hmm

The partner is supporting his own kids. And rightly so.

I remember your name, you were one of the posters telling the Airbnb thread OP that she should have been kind and let them in to her house or refunded her.

Glad to see my theory about the 'just be kind' posters has been proven again.

Megs4x3 · 09/01/2018 11:30

Trolls are amazing arent they? Children develop at very different rates. My grandmother was apparently astounded to see me reading and then knitting when I was only 3. My mother remembered taking her first steps. One of my children was talking in full sentences before they could walk, though they were later than average, and another must have heard me talking to a friend about how money was tight when they were well under three and not talking very clearly. It took me a while to work out why all offers anything but the basics - pudding, snacks, anything new was being refused. I couldn't make out what was being said when I asked what was wrong but a sibling a little older translated 'Mummy got no money'. I was floored that not only was the concept of money understood but quantity too and how it related to them. I had of course mentioned on occasion that something couldn't be afforded but to extrapolate 'not enough money for that expensive thing' to 'not enough money for non-essentials' and to have an idea of what was and was not essential was quite some feat. Children are like sponges and yelling obscenities at them can have a lasting and detrimental effect. Well done to OP and her ex for dealing with this appropriately. :-)

SoupDragon · 09/01/2018 11:49

I imagine the exes partner just mentioned about not wasting money as she works hard for a low income and doesn't have an ex partner bombarding her wish cash each week. Sorry OP I don't believe it.

If the ex “just mentioned” it, why did she admit to “losing it”?

TakeTheCrown · 09/01/2018 12:03

Wow, this thread is a real moron magnet.

I'm glad everything resolved itself as it should OP. I hope you don't hear from the GF again!

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 09/01/2018 12:41

I'm shocked at the amount of troll hunting on this thread.

My academically average children knew that £3 was more than £1 in Reception. My kids have lived at houses with a 1 or 3 so would recognise those numbers automatically.

A child whose not regularly shouted at will remember a conversation where they are yelled at because the unusual nature of it will stick in their mind. That's why a child might hear their parent swear once and pick up on that word and repeat it until told not to. I wouldn't be surprised that the topic of the conversation (her mum,dad and their happiness) made the conversation stick in their mind more.

I'm pleased that the ex behaved in the best interest of the girls.

On a separate note @NeandathalWoman , did your mum have childcare from her family or a separate source of income to raise you? Or did she hide a lot of the animosity and stress of her situation from you? Was she working before her divorce and earning a similar amount to your father? RP shouldn't be made to feel bad about claiming CM and NRP should pay so that their children aren't punished for their parents breaking up.

Willow2017 · 09/01/2018 13:50

Well done that man for putying his kids first. Just goes to show thete are great dads out there.

Dont let the idiots put you off posting again Cant there's always 1 or 2 who think they know better than op.

We are not all bad honest😀

justforthisthread101 · 09/01/2018 15:00

@CantBringMeDown massive respect to your ex. And well done you for your handling of it too.

What a lucky pair of girls they are.

whyayepetal · 09/01/2018 15:33

justforthisthread101 - hear hear. Glad your ex has his priorities right OP - great result for all of you.

OpenthePickles · 09/01/2018 15:54

As he sounds like he has them a lot, do you think you could accept a lower maintenance and maybe work more hours yourself or just go without luxuries?

Wow Shock. How dare you try and encourage men not to pay for their responsibilites.

AstridWhite · 09/01/2018 16:06

Anyway my 4 year old recites film scrips without understanding a word.

Yes, yes mine did that too. And 'read' books from cover to cover. Because they'd heard/seen them dozens of times and the story gave all the words some context.

Not because they heard one unfamiliar word weeks ago.

AstridWhite · 09/01/2018 16:07

My daughter isn't 3 until next week but is currently reciting every. single. word. of an episode of Bing!

see above.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 09/01/2018 16:14

A child WILL remember an unfamiliar word when it's been shouted in anger at them.

And, two parents create a child, so two parents should pay for them. No way should any RP accept less than the legal minimum.

Bratsandtwats · 09/01/2018 16:46

Sounds as though your ex had a lucky escape there. Hopefully your DC will soon put the exGF to the back of their minds.

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