To really dislike ex's girlfriend for trying to meddle and harm my daughters?

[CantBringMeDown]

ExH pays a larger amount of maintenance than most, but it's still "only"the set legal amount.
We have 2 dcs (dd11 months and dd 4.5yr old) he has 11 month old dd one full day including night then one evening and one day time.
He picks older dd up from school, takes her for dinner or to his home until 4:30/5pm then brings her home. This happens 1-3x a week dependent on his ability due to his very tough work schedule.
He also has older dd the same night as younger dd.
we both try to be flexible and coparent wonderfully.
A few weeks ago oldest dd started being very nervous whenever ex would try to buy her anything, she started scouring menus for the cheapest item and stopped asking for little things whenever she went into shops with ex - nothing major just the usual sweet or magazine she'd want. Ex asked if I'd said anything to her I truthfully said no. It's now come to light that, when ex left the girls with his GF she had a screaming fit at them (unsure how the youngest would've understood it but she had been very restless for a few days after) this has really effected eldest DD.
the gf said things like "your slut of a mother takes his fucking money every week! I can't fucking stand how irritating you are. Do you know how much you cost us?!"
I'm so angry and I really dislike the GF now. I don't know how ex plans to deal with it but would I be unreasonable to say she can never have the girls without being supervised by ex or someone else and ask him to limit their contact with her?
For further info, he's a high earner, she's a shop assistant. They don't live together. It's not like it's coming out of joint money. It's his money and we're happy with how things are. He has no idea why she has done this but I haven't been able to talk to him properly about a resolution yet.

NeanderthalWoman One of the things that my dd found most hurtful when she grew up was that her father didn't contribute to her upbringing.

And why should a man get to call himself father when he does not act like a father.

Astrid - so your kids couldn't do it. Guess what! Your kids aren't the measure all kids are compared to. Shocker!

My DD repeated words and parts of conversations weeks after hearing them from being able to talk. At four she recalled one off events from being two, right down to who, where, why. She heard the word 'fuckwit' at my SILs house in July. We don't swear in front of her, SIL lives miles away. I know she didn't hear it again. It was mortifying to be told, two months later, that she had called another child a fuckwit at school. She was four.

Just because my child has excellent recall doesn't mean I assume every child has. Just as you shouldn't assume every child can't have excellent recall because yours didn't. They aren't clones.

Not because they heard one unfamiliar word weeks ago.

DS1 would happily use unfamiliar words and phrases repeatedly and often in the context in which he had heard them, even at 3.

DS2 couldn’t have though.

Some adults couldn't remember an unfamiliar word two minutes later. Some kids can remember chapter and verse a long time after. I can't help think that kids are more likely to remember stuff as if they are paying attention (or it's being forced on them) it sinks in and there isn't so much other stuff going on to clutter up recollection. An adult must have had a very sheltered life if you haven't had a child repeat something horrifically inappropriate at exactly the wrong time on you.

Ds could recite the alphabet backwards when he was three. You have to do something to keep a child occupied and relatively still at a bus stop and I got desperate. First it was the alphabet forwards, then backwards, then counting. At that age he would watch deliveries of goodies from Approved Food be put away and mentally track how many were left. Some kids are like that. Because that's the wonder of life - everyone is different and with different skills and qualities. Like the OP has great qualities as a mother.

My ds (now 5) has just proven he can recall words and context having just shouted bugger after kicking something and when told off said but that's what you said when you did it.

Yes I did when I broke my toe over 2 years ago.

Clearly I have an issue with DS enjoying swear words

I was amazed when 2 days after we’d mentioned the sea being “choppy”, DS who was 23 months said the plane we were on was “a bit choppy” during some turbulence. At 3 he understands numbers relative to each other but couldn’t care less how much something costs because it’s my money not his. He’s certainly not a genius. I can easily accept everything OP says about her daughter.

Glad it worked out OP. Hope you keep up your amicable coparenting.

Perhaps there are some children who don’t need to be housed, clothed or fed and can manage on school uniform, trips and an ice cream here or there? Sadly I have the ones that cost money so I’m glad the Child Support Act recognises that.

Perhaps there are some children who don’t need to be housed, clothed or fed and can manage on school uniform, trips and an ice cream here or there? Sadly I have the ones that cost money

I had one of the latter, but my dd's father thought we could just put her in the cupboard until the day came when he had a bit of extra money.

I am saying it's highly, highly unusual for a child of that age to even give the concept of cost any consideration when being handed a menu, even if they are ahead of their peers in numeracy

Not unusual at all. Just because your DC didn't do that at 4 doesn't mean others can't. Children don't all progress exactly the same at the same time.

neanderthal
Its got nothing to do with a girlfriend how much a father spends on his children. Its not her money he is spending.

And she didnt pass a comment she admitted "she lost it" with the little girl.

I am shocked you expect any parent not to pay for thier childs upkeep. How does that work with couples who live together? Does one pay for everything until the child leaves home and the other just keeps thier money for themselves?

Just when you think you have heard it all..

"Mothers should work more so that fathers dont have pay for thier own children."

You have no freaking idea what its like as a single parent getting sfa from an ex, having to scrimp and go without to keep a roof over your heads. Get your head out the sand and stop being so patronising. Dad's have 50% responsibility for producing kids and 50% responsibilty for raising them its not difficult to understand.

Glad your daughter can feel safe and happy again with her dad. It's horrible she had to go through this, poor dd.