Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that because my dd isn't potty trained everyone thinks she's thick?

203 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 07/01/2018 12:38

Well maybe not everyone but all dh's family.

She's just 2 and has a cousin who is basically the same age. This little girl is obviously very bright and has potty trained basically overnight. My dd is perhaps only average or not as bright but I don't need it rammed down my throat all the time. Every time we see them they say 'not potty trained yet then' and 'X is potty trained and she's four weeks younger than dd'

She's been better than dd since she was born. This is just the latest thing in a procession of stuff my dd can't do. I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin. I don't need it pointed out to me all the time!

It's really getting on my nerves. My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

OP posts:
Hissy · 08/01/2018 09:20

Sweetheart, I didn't even TRY to potty train DS until he was gone 3. Truth be told he was ready slightly earlier than that, but as I was travelling and had christmas to get past, I left it to the new year and it went far better (i think) as a result.

so firstly, tell your twat of a cousin that it's not a competition or a race and that kids are ready when they are ready. I'd point out that you don't comment on her parenting, so you'll be grateful if she doesn't comment on yours as it's none of her business.

Then relax!

If you don't stop this now, you are right to think that she will be constantly trying to point score.

BillywigSting · 08/01/2018 09:21

My son wasn't potty trained until he was three (and a bit) but is doing year one level maths. He's only just four and still in nursery. He's definitely not thick!

Potty training timelines have no correlation to intelligence, tell them to knock it off with the comparisons.

It's the thief of joy after all

Hopeful103 · 08/01/2018 09:21

Firstly there's nothing wrong with your dd. Secondly this comparing her to her cousin needs to stop.

There is nothing 'clever about being able to go to the loo early on so I'm not sure why people see that as something to brag about.

Your baby is 2! She's still learning, please don't allow anyone to put pressure on her about milestones and what she should be doing. I would tell these people where to get off. As for your dh that's not acceptable.

Argeles · 08/01/2018 09:22

I detest comparing children with a passion!

It’s normal to be inquisitive as a parent of your own child to wonder how your own is/are developing, but when others do it for you, it angers me so much.

I know they mean well, but my parents and Nan (especially my Mum & Nan) have tried to tell me what my DD should be doing at each age, and say ‘you’re making a rod for your own back if you don’t do xyz.’ It boils my blood, and I bloody well know where I’d like to stick a rod!

I do what I want, as my DD is my DD and not theirs. I breastfed to their horror, and then ignored all their stupid warnings about having to stop when her teeth come through, stopping by x age etc, and she still has 1-2 breastfeeds a day at nearly 3 years old. I’m only just starting to potty train, and I’m still not sure my DD is ready, but they were trying to get me to do it at 18 months because they think it’s an appropriate time. They also went on & on about putting her in her own room from the age of 6 months. We’ve only just recently moved her into her bedroom, and it suits us just fine!

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/01/2018 09:25

I bet by the time your dd and her cousin are 16 they will both be walking, talking and potty trained.

I didn't realise being continent at a young age was an indicator of how intelligent you were Maybe you could tell the parents to make a note of all these milestones she is reaching at such a young age so they can make a note if it on her CV when she applies for a job.

StarUtopia · 08/01/2018 09:29

Just ignore!

I would say though, I don't think 2 is early. It's only on Mumsnet that people think it's okay for 3/4 year olds to still be in nappies! There's at least 3 kids in my daughter's reception class who are still in nappies. Really, it's not great.

Why don't you just start training her? I used the 3 day method book and honestly had it nailed in about 4 days. It was hard work and meant me taking the week off work, but definitely worth it. Don't bother with training for nights - just sort out days.

It's obviously bothering you, so just do it!

PocketCoffeeEspresso · 08/01/2018 09:36

Ignore. DS2 trained himself at 2 - but he's a stubborn, independent thing, and had his brother to watch. DS1 resisted, and wasn't really trained until he was 4 (not in nappies, but frequent accidents if not reminded), and is still not dry at night at 7 (DS2, again, just woke up one day when he was 3, and decided he wasn't wearing nappies at night any more - not a single accident ever).

They're just kids - it's nothing to do with intelligence, it's everything to do with physical maturity (not something you can control), and what interests the child. Comparisons will get you no-where at all.

stevie69 · 08/01/2018 09:36

My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

Of course she won't.

I'll let you into a little secret. I was 16 months old when my little sister was born and I couldn't walk. I'm sure everyone thought the same about me back then. But I soon picked it up and ended up running middle distance for the school.

Your little girl is of course as good as her cousin. Better, in fact—because she's your little girl Blush

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/01/2018 09:37

OP that's awful :(

For context, my DS is very intelligent and will be of to Uni soon and wasn't toilet trained until he was over 3 and not dry at night until 7. My DB walked at 8 months and he's not an Olympic athlete. DS2 learned to ride a bike while still in nappies and can't walk without tripping over his own feet. He could talk in sentences at just over one and isn't lighting any fires academically.

It all means very little.

wysteriafloribunba · 08/01/2018 09:41

dc1 was 3, dc2 was 18 months. Same intellect. Dc2 just had the advantage of having an older sibling to copy. It is daft to make comparisons and judgements.

Imsorrynow · 08/01/2018 09:45

Ignore. Ignore. This is so unimportant in the scheme of things. I can’t for the life of me remember when my three were potty trained, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t mentioned on the uni application form.
Enjoy your DD and don’t engage with the comparisons.

wysteriafloribunba · 08/01/2018 09:47

'Why don't you just start training her? I used the 3 day method book and honestly had it nailed in about 4 days. It was hard work and meant me taking the week off work, but definitely worth it. Don't bother with training for nights - just sort out days'

Depends on the child. I tried at 2 with dd and she really resisted it so I left it as she was stressed. My poor MIL was under such pressure to potty train her ds2 she persisted. He started to with hold, and ended up with serious constipation and issues around toiletting which lasted years. Dcs aren't robots, sometimes things cannot be forced to fit a schedule.

JenniferL90 · 08/01/2018 10:02

My child is very bright academically.

Didn't potty train until after her third birthday.

Literally she could read some words while still in nappies.....

Definitely don't think toileting has anything to do with intelligence!

When she did train she did it in a day though, which I think was down to me letting her take her time. I feel like people who do it young have way more accidents to clear up.

Sockwomble · 08/01/2018 10:05

"There's at least 3 kids in my daughter's reception class who are still in nappies. Really, it's not great."

My 10 year old is still in nappies. If school age children are still in nappies there is usually a good reason for it.

KERALA1 · 08/01/2018 10:06

Although our friends dd is a genius and potty training v early was further evidence of this.

We met up once kids small.
Me "would you like some fruit"
Dd "want banana"
CG "I do like bananas but today I think I would prefer grapes"
Me Shock

PinkBlueYellow · 08/01/2018 10:16

My son is nearly 3 and point blank refuses to go on the potty!

I've really tried to crack it over the past month but he just doesn't want to do it. I know his nursery are also keen for him to be potty trained but I will be telling them in no uncertain terms that he's not ready! He also has a younger cousin who has been potty trained since last summer and I have to listen to the same type of comments.

Your child is 2 ffs! Tell them to mind their own business.

MrsKoala · 08/01/2018 10:17

I'm starting to think my untrained 3.5yo is too bright for his own good. He has explained there is no benefit for him to get out of nappies. This is much more convenient. Cheeky bugger. He also wont feed himself Confused

PJsAndProsecco · 08/01/2018 10:17

Agree with a pp that competitive parenting is a sign of insecurity/having no life. They need to realise just how nasty they're being.
FWIW, my DD is 3 in April and not interested in potty training at all. I think she will nearly 3 or just over 3 before we crack it.
So what? She's a very happy, sociable, confident and active girl. She's just not ready to sit on a toilet for weeing yet.
I repeat...so what?

PJsAndProsecco · 08/01/2018 10:18

And MrsKoala I think my DD is similar, she doesn't see a need to get out of nappies. She's perfectly happy to stay in them for now. Doesn't mean she's thick Hmm

PinkBlueYellow · 08/01/2018 10:19

Oh and just to add, I think my son is pretty intelligent as it goes. He was talking in complex sentences before he was two and gets glowing reports at nursery.

I do think there is any correlation between intelligence and potty training!

abbsisspartacus · 08/01/2018 10:21

Is she potty trained or is it potty timing?

MrsKoala · 08/01/2018 10:23

The problem is if one child does something early, rather than people saying 'ooh that's early'. They immediately treat it as the norm and that all others are behind.

DS1 walked at 9 months, ds2 10 months and DD (DC3) 11 months. Everyone was saying she was really late and behind. She wasn't. What they meant was later than her brothers . But still completely normal and if anyone was unusual it was DS1.

elliejjtiny · 08/01/2018 10:29

Your family sound horrible. Comparing 2 only just toddlers like that. My ds1 wasn't reliably dry in the day until he was about 5 and not at night until he was 10. He is now 11, been building Lego models designed for 16 year olds to build since he was 9 and well above average in all subjects at school. My 4 year old is nowhere near being potty trained and he has learning disabilities but he is brave, helpful and kind.

DrMarthaJones · 08/01/2018 10:33

I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin

I think your main issue is your own attitude. Who says this about their own 2 year old?

elliejjtiny · 08/01/2018 10:33

MrsKoala my ds was the same with potty training. I remember the HV trying to encourage him by saying "don't you want to wear big boy pants ds2?". Nearly 4 year old ds2 just sighed at her and said " no I don't think so".

Swipe left for the next trending thread