To be annoyed that because my dd isn't potty trained everyone thinks she's thick?

[WaitingForSunday17]

Well maybe not everyone but all dh's family.

She's just 2 and has a cousin who is basically the same age. This little girl is obviously very bright and has potty trained basically overnight. My dd is perhaps only average or not as bright but I don't need it rammed down my throat all the time. Every time we see them they say 'not potty trained yet then' and 'X is potty trained and she's four weeks younger than dd'

She's been better than dd since she was born. This is just the latest thing in a procession of stuff my dd can't do. I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin. I don't need it pointed out to me all the time!

It's really getting on my nerves. My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

my dd had a friend who potty trained at 4 and could barely speak at 3.5. She has just entered 3rd year medical school.
dont label your child and dont let others. there is no gcse in weeing or talking.

"
Tell them your DD is too busy contemplating the nature of human existence and the origin of the universe to be concerned with such trivialities

Even better!

Ah shit do I need to take my best fake gcses off my cv then?

OP my DD wasn't potty trained until she was 3 and not dry at night until she was 6. She's at high school now and an A/B academic achiever. Pay no regard to other people's comments about your DD's abilities, it's bollocks. Kids develop at their own individual rate.

I don't think when children toilet-train is much of an indicator of how bright they are, or will be.

Both my sons were late coming out of nappies, and I didn't push it because I didn't want the stress on either of us of clearing up accidents all the time. When they finally "got it" (around 4) they were both done and dusted in less than a week and no wet beds, unless we somehow forgot to do the "last wee before bed".

DS1 has just won the overall academic achievement award for the 3rd year running at his primary school, so I guess he's not particularly "thick". DS2 is just about to start school so we'll find out if he is or not soon enough, but his preschool have given no indications of worry about him being "thick", so I guess not.

Some children advance quicker in mental development, others in physical development, but mostly (disabilities aside) they all catch up by the time they're 6 or 7, I think it is.

Tell them to butt out and stop being so small-minded.

You poor thing, it sounds like you actually believe them that your daughter is inferior?!

You’re only wishing they would shut up about it, rather than that they are completely wrong!

Please don’t doubt yourself or your lovely baby. She isn’t stupid, or inferior or less fun or whatever idiotic stupidity grown adults are saying. Eugh! They all sound awful. Shocking that your dh is agreeing with these horrible judgements on your daughter.

If things continue as they are, your dd will most likely be less of everything, as being compared and labelled like this tends to lead to it being fulfilled, no matter what your dd’s potential actually could be.

How can you minimise her exposure to this awfulness?

For goodness sake - no-one is "more intelligent" just for being able to use a potty - unless your name is Trump of course.

Just for comparison DD2 was fairly late potty training at 3½ and has just got into one of the most competitive programmes to read Law at university. No one has asked for her potty training record!

The fact that you hav internalised the message that your daughter is "less bright" is really sad - make sure that you do not convey this to DD. Your DD will develop in her own time - so opt out of all of this comparing.

I know kids do stuff at different times. It's just been rubbish that my dd is behind her cousin at every turn!
I can see years of it. Reading levels. SATS. GCSEs. Argh!

My DS was the last to do pretty much everything: potty training, walking, talking, etc etc, coupled with looking like Winston Churchill. Lots of sympathetic looks and questioning of my input from some other mothers (usually first time mothers who’d yet to discover that each child is very different from the other even with the same parents).

My son has recently obtained an Oxbridge first class degree and is out of nappies. Please don’t allow these silly people to decide your daughter’s intelligence on such a ridiculous and irrelevant measure. She will develop just fine unless, of course, she picks up on the idea that she’s stupid, that WOULD be a disaster.

As a kind health visitor once told me. Her son was 4 when he came out of nappies and he went on to become a lawyer.

Not being toilet trained at 2 has no bearing on intelligence.

My youngest was difficult to potty train. In hindsight I should have held off until after he turned three, but instead I had six months of a child who'd manage it sometimes and then would either scream for his nappy or would wee on the floor.
I did put him back in nappies for over a month in the end, and then dh decided to take our two on a weekend camping trip (I was too "ill" to go, he he he) and when they got back, not only was ds2 able to sleep through the night but he also said "I use potty now mummy." And he did.
I asked dh what he'd done. He didn't know, they just had a fun weekend.
Ds2 has also needed a little help with speech and language therapy. He's nearly 4 now and I don't think he's thick, though I do dislike that term.

Dh is on board with it too. He's said since they were about four months that dd is 'behind' her cousin and that cousin is much more 'fun'

This is really sad. She will pick up on this, and it will reduce her self confidence.

She might be less willing to take chances and try new things because she is hearing messages that she is behind, too slow, inadequate.

Please have a serious discussion with your dh about this. He needs to be fighting her corner and recognising how fantastic she is.

There will always be another child who is doing something earlier/ faster/ better, but as parents you love your individual child and think they are perfect the way they are. It's sad and unfair that he is negatively comparing her to her cousin.

I cant be arsed with this one upmanship on kid milestones. Had enough of that from parents 27 years ago when DD1 was little. My oldest was just over 2 when she was potty trained.Middle child was about 2.5 or 3. Youngest was over 3 ( she's 19 now). All are smart and intelligent women.
Its all just nonsense.

You need to have a serious chat with your daughter's dad if he thinks she is "behind" and "less fun" than her cousin. Your daughter doesn't have a hope if this is the vibes she is getting at home.

Do you know there is a Peter Kay Sketch on this Subject where he talks about how competitive parents can be and then he says the thing is you never see an adult crawl into a party and say I never got the hang of this walking thing. They all do it at different times.

My son had delayed speech he is 10 no one would know unless someone was told. He also has a very high IQ..

Enjoy your DD for who she is .Let the competitive parents worry about he comparisons.

My eldest was a late toilet trainer, far later than 2, she wasnt far off four, and I was pulling my hair out. I think it might have been a control thing in the end. Her sister is 2.5 years younger and was toilet trained at 16 months - exactly the same weekend as her sister.

They’re older teens now, and the older one is far more academic, and also works a lot harder than the younger one. I honestly dont think the age theyre potty trained at has any significance to how clever they are or will be.

My dog has been housetrained since well before he turned two, and yet despite this, his Mensa membership card has yet to arrive

Your dh needs to pull his socks up though, it is appalling that he isn't on his dd's side. He needs a swift verbal clip athwart the ear!

My DD is very clever (as pointed out by her Nursery and HV) but she wasn't potty trained until she this last year when she turned 3, and she still isn't dry at night. She is still very young, you never know your DD might do better than her cousin as they older.

OP, show your DH this thread. He might benefit from reading the comments from parents who have had children and seen them grow up and recognise the dangers of him not being his daughters absolute advocate. That is far more worrying than your DD being in nappies longer than her cousin.

I get comments off my mum all the time about not yet starting potty training with my 2.5 year old daughter.

Along with comments about her being late to walk/talk “you should take her to a doctor, maybe she’s autistic”.

The latter really upset me and made me anxious, stooped me enjoying my daughter as much as I should have.

The potty training comments just get a sharp “you last had a toddler 20 years ago, advice has moved on, maybe you should try it”

I’m really sad that people put so much emphasis on kids being ‘bright’. Who cares f they’re not? I love my kids even if they aren’t ‘top of the class’ or any of that. Just ignore the comments and help your DD be happy! That’s all we should want for our kids.

I think you should have a serious talk with your DH about this because he will damage his DDs confidence if this continues. I would avoid DHs family (and tell them why) if nothing changes. You need to protect DD by standing up for her.

My eldest DC was compared unfavourably to her cousin because she was late walking, talking and potty training. I kept contact to a minimum and told exh's family to stop every single time they did it. Luckily my ex hated it as much as I did (as he had been constantly compared to his siblings) so he backed me up.
Guess which one of them now works in a dead end job and who became a doctor?

Late potty training doesn't mean anything. Einstein couldn't talk until he was 4 or read until he was 9!

I hate people when they compare how one child is doing compared to another on milestones like this. Unhelpful and it serves no useful purpose. I would just tell them that we are all individuals and that 2 is very young still and that you hate comparisons. If you are happy with your DD and how she is doing on all front that is what matter. She’s still only little.

DS took a year from two and a half to three and a half. We never pushed it, let him go at his own pace but I was a bit worried he was still going to be in pull ups when he was supposed to start nursery. So for most of the year he'd go in his potty in the house as long as he had no trousers or underwear /nappy on but needed nappies for going out. Then one day he was out, announced he needed a wee and asked to use a big toilet. And that was it.

Nothing to do with intelligence, it was just the way he needed to do it.

"WellThisIsShit

You poor thing, it sounds like you actually believe them that your daughter is inferior?!

You’re only wishing they would shut up about it, rather than that they are completely wrong!"
Yes this is what I was trying to say. We're not being polite. This stuff is mostly bollocks

Dh is on board with it too. He's said since they were about four months that dd is 'behind' her cousin and that cousin is much more 'fun'

Seriously? If my husband ever dared to say that another child was more "fun" than ours, I'd tell him to bugger off and live with said child.