Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that because my dd isn't potty trained everyone thinks she's thick?

203 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 07/01/2018 12:38

Well maybe not everyone but all dh's family.

She's just 2 and has a cousin who is basically the same age. This little girl is obviously very bright and has potty trained basically overnight. My dd is perhaps only average or not as bright but I don't need it rammed down my throat all the time. Every time we see them they say 'not potty trained yet then' and 'X is potty trained and she's four weeks younger than dd'

She's been better than dd since she was born. This is just the latest thing in a procession of stuff my dd can't do. I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin. I don't need it pointed out to me all the time!

It's really getting on my nerves. My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

OP posts:
Wakeuptortoise · 07/01/2018 13:21

*niece

quackersandcheese · 07/01/2018 13:24

Please make sure you shut down any relative who even starts to compare them both. I grew up permanently being compared to my fucking cousin and I HATED it. It really upset me. You think it's bad now, but wait until they can pick up on it and start comparing teenagers.
My parents didn't stop it either and it really bothered me. I'm now expecting dc2 the same time as my sister and the pregnancy comparisons have already started. I had a blunt conversation whereby I told them to basically stop this shit if they want to ever see their grandchildren. The comments have stopped for now.... Grin

It's just not nice. They are children ffs! And 2 is so early to be worrying about potty training. I read a study recently that actually said the earlier children are potty trained the more likely they'll have utis because they know how to hold it and would rather play than go to the toilet. Your DD sounds perfectly normal and intelligent!

SpottedOnMN · 07/01/2018 13:25

My kids are both super bright and always have been (eldest predicted top grades at GCSE) and neither were potty trained before 3. My niece is scary clever and was potty trained at 2 but still has regular accidents at age 7. I'd far rather deal with nappies than accidents which is why I waited until I knew it would be easy.

This is all just bullshit, ignore them.

quizqueen · 07/01/2018 13:25

The summer months are much better for potty training when your child can run around the garden in pants and it won't matter about accidents. Two and a half is a more realistic age to start potty training. Some children are more intelligent, athletic, speak better or better behaved etc. It does you no good at all to compare yours to others especially family members. Each child is different and as long as they are making progress in all areas that's all you should be concerned about. Tell your family it's not a competition.

Serialweightwatcher · 07/01/2018 13:26

Just tell them it's not a competition and not something she'll have to write on her CV - judgemental arseholes!

MrsKoala · 07/01/2018 13:27

i'd tell them to stop being ridiculous and shut up.

DS1 trained really easily, probably because he has sensory issues and isn't NT. He could't stand the feeling. DS2, much much more NT and traditionally brighter in academic terms is now 3.5 and we still can't potty train him. He starts school in Sept and i'm worried i'm going to have to send him in nappies!!

I apparently was trained at 18mo. This basically consisted of me being sat on a potty for hours till i did something. Which isn't 'trained' in my book Mum! so keep your opinions to yourself

roomsonfire · 07/01/2018 13:30

OP, just remember some kids peak early Wink

Perhaps tell your cousin that when you tell her to stfu. Grin

GreenTulips · 07/01/2018 13:30

Is being continent associated with intelligence now?

Great! I'm a genius!

Show off

3 kids - I'm regressing!

Jonsey79 · 07/01/2018 13:31

My vv bright dd didn't potty train till she was 3. She wasn't ready/didn't want to.

Tell them firmly to back off. How dare they compare children in this negative way? It could really damage your dd's self-esteem as she gets older.

Enko · 07/01/2018 13:31

you'd better hurry up and get out of those nappies like x

Every time you hear that. simply comment. "DD will do it when she is good and ready no point in comparing" Just continue to say so with every thing they compare. parrot fashion. If your dh ever says anything like that again make it clear to him that you are not ok with it and want him to stop.

Your DD will catch up on potty training and there will be things she will do way better than your niece. She will get there in her own good time.

Puppymouse · 07/01/2018 13:31

DD was well over 3 before she potty trained. She is not remotely thick. Hth.

roseblossom75 · 07/01/2018 13:31

It was always like this with my eldest child and his cousin of the same age.
Both are now 18 years old.
His cousin is at university, in a relationship, passed his driving test etc, while my DS is still shaking a rattle and babbling like a baby.

My situation is extreme I know, but totally understand where you are comng from.

Dungeondragon15 · 07/01/2018 13:33

Being potty trained has nothing to do with clever. I always used to laugh at people who think being able to sit on a potty at an early age is a sign of great intelligence. Your DD may well end up being cleverer than her cousin so I would just ignore.

zzzzz · 07/01/2018 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsernameInvalid66 · 07/01/2018 13:36

Potty training has nothing to do with "cleverness". My DS1 is very academic and he didn't get the hang of it at all until he was 2½, with fairly frequent accidents until he was at least 3. DS2 is not as conventionally bright but he potty trained almost instantly at 2½ - I think he would have got it earlier if I hadn't just assumed, through DS1's experience, that 2½ would be a good time to start.

"Just 2" is very early to start anyway. Some people say that children who appear to be potty trained early aren't really trained at all, the parents are just good at spotting that they need to go, and putting them on the potty at the right time. I had a cousin almost exactly the same age as me whose mum gave my mum a hard time, over 50 years ago, because she wasn't holding me over a potty at 6 months old! We may have had very different potty training experiences but we're both perfectly continent now!

Relax, your DD will almost certainly get there by the time she's about 3. If you need to tell your relatives anything, tell them you're going to try it in the summer when she can have less clothes on.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 07/01/2018 13:37

I had this when my two were small, my niece was extremely bright as baby. At months old she would do stacking cups then do them again in reverse. At a year she could do jigsaws for kids aged 3.......and certain family members went out of their way to make me feel crap. Not in a discreet way either.........

Fast forward a few years and it turns out both our girls have Autism. My niece is very profoundly affected and is and always will be none verbal. My dd is much higher functioning. I wouldn't dream of using my dds ability to point score and make others feel bad, I really don't understand why people do it in all honesty. No one knows what's around the corner, if these people aren't adding to your life in a positive way then stay away from them.

Liskee · 07/01/2018 13:37

I wish I hadn’t potty trained DS1 when we did, but rather had left it another 3/4 months! I’ll not be rushing DS2 by any means. I can appreciate though the comparison thing. My DSs have cousins in and around the same age. It’s hard not to compare and take offence or get upset when it’s your DC who are being unfavourably compared...especially when their own father is on board, as in your case!

Remember though, having children is a marathon, not a sprint! The potty training super star 2 year old might be ahead of the curve this year, but give it a decade or 2 and your DD could well be running rings round her. Just absorb the comments as best you can and focus on building a fantastic, solid, communicative and trusting relationship with your own DD.

LouHotel · 07/01/2018 13:38

Your writing your DD off as quickly as your family!!

You have no idea what she might excel in at school and beyond and you shouldnt be assuming sats, gcse's etc..

My brother didnt speak to he was nearly 3 and wasnt potty trained till 4 and a half and he's now the managing director of a major company in the uk.... there are layers to intelligence.

StealthPolarBear · 07/01/2018 13:39

Op your dd is equally brilliant. As they get older there will be things she does better than her cousin. I know it's hard when they're this little but please don't get in the mindset that she's behind her cousin. Don't let anyone else vocsluse it and don't even think it, for many reasons

Dox · 07/01/2018 13:39

DS was still not reliable when he started school. Still had accidents until he was 9. He just graduated with a first in Maths from Oxford. So no, continence is not related to intellect.

StealthPolarBear · 07/01/2018 13:40

Ps make sure your dds first full sentence is in Latin :)

PinkietheElf · 07/01/2018 13:41

The main thing is to avoid DD hearing criticism of her and for you not to let her see it stresses or affects you. But that you love her as she is and find plenty to feel proud of. DP needs a kick up the proverbial, thoughtless git.

winglesspegasus · 07/01/2018 13:41

they do all get there eventually/son and i were talking about this yesterday.3 generations allergic to petroleum based fabrics,so clothe nappies all the way./twins-1 was done at 18 months.but he hated the feeling of being wet/his brother took another year to train.
i believe the wicking action of disposables slows down the process because they dont get the discomfort of being soggy.
just give her love and encouragement and enjoy her/have 2 dgd now and am in heaven soggy britches or not.

LouHotel · 07/01/2018 13:41

Ive just read her own dad has written her off.

OP this is so sad and we know that environment and culture has an affect on our achievement. If you treat your DD like she's not good enough the it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

thecolonelbumminganugget · 07/01/2018 13:42

I've recently trained 2 rabbits to use a litter tray - I don't think I'll be packing either of them off to university any time soon.

Tell them your DD is too busy contemplating the nature of human existence and the origin of the universe to be concerned with such trivialities

Swipe left for the next trending thread