To be annoyed that because my dd isn't potty trained everyone thinks she's thick?

[WaitingForSunday17]

Well maybe not everyone but all dh's family.

She's just 2 and has a cousin who is basically the same age. This little girl is obviously very bright and has potty trained basically overnight. My dd is perhaps only average or not as bright but I don't need it rammed down my throat all the time. Every time we see them they say 'not potty trained yet then' and 'X is potty trained and she's four weeks younger than dd'

She's been better than dd since she was born. This is just the latest thing in a procession of stuff my dd can't do. I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin. I don't need it pointed out to me all the time!

It's really getting on my nerves. My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

I think Potty training is particularly complex for family dynamics because it lands up being a comparison not just of the child, but of the parents. The implication is that you (the parents) are doing something wrong. It's harder to make these kind of implications with other milestones like crawling or walking. It's incredibly annoying.

My sister has made a few comments in the past that DD isn't trained yet. But with DS, who trained at about 2.5, we found waiting until he was ready meant the entire process was soooo much easier. Two days and it was done. Minor occasional accidents for a week or two and since then, he's been completely dry with no accidents. She worked really hard to get her children potty trained but it was months of endless effort. So we are letting DD set her own pace and she is clearly just about ready so we're going to start soon... she'll be three in a few months.

But here's the thing, of my DC and my sister's DC, there is no doubt that based on early indicators (and we all know, those are in no way necessarily true reflections of long term abilities or success), dd is by FAR the cleverest. One of her DC is pretty smart, but not like DD who is more or less teaching herself to read currently as well as to do basic arithmetic and numbers.

So, in summary - people making comments are being twats and are at least partly trying to make a comment about you. Ignore or tell them to STFU. Ditto, current milestones have almost NOTHING to do with how your DC or your niece/nephews will manage long term.

Good luck with potty training.... when you get to it.

I haven't rtft but how can there be so many posts on this thread? Child not potty trained at just 2 is not news. What else is there to say?

Honestly dont give it any thought.
My dd trained fairly fast at 2y 11 months.
All around me were saying "oohh she still in nappies then? 😮i just said she'll do it in her own time. She did!
Why pressure yourself when there's no need.
My dd is 11 now and im proud of how sharp she is.
Relax 🖒

I suspect that the family dynamics that say one GC is better than another reflects on the relationship the parent had in the family before the DGCs came along.

My dd was potty trained at two and a half. She was nowhere near at two. She won an academic scholarship to a top school and has 10 A stars at GCSE. Potty training has nothing to do with intelligence.

I feel your pain OP my daughter has been ‘late’ at everything so far. She’s 18 months not walking, talking etc. Every day someone makes comment. At first I say she will get there in her own time. Second I explain it’s really none of their business. I hate society’s pressure on toddlers. They have their whole lives to feel pressured. Just let them get on with it unless a medical professional tells you otherwise !

I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin

Sorry OP but you need to get out of that mindset.

My SIL was "horhoused". Could read a 100 words from flashcards by the time she was 3.
Left school without a single qualification.

My DS wasn't potty trained until 3, didn't even say his first word until 3 and is currently studying computer design at Uni.

The early achievements can be no indication of what happens in the long run.

You need to spend more time with sensible people, OP, than those who have their own petty reasons to do your daughter down. Life (and child development and education) is a marathan not a sprint. Noone has the slightest idea at 2 what the end outcome will be.

My hv used to close down smuggies like that with comments about how some of us still have better animal instincts than others. Isn't the brain marvelous type comments

Surely "hothoused"

Ha ha!!

You have to stop comparing your DD to her cousin. Otherwise you’ll have the unintended consequence of making her feel worthless and inferior as she grows up.

Also, nip it in the bud now with your parents and the rest of your family.

Please DO NOT GET into this type of thinking is so destructive. I had one who got it at age 2yrs 10 months overnight and the other at the same age took six months to get it right. The latter DC was dry at night much earlier. Please don't fret over this

I’ve never understood the hurry some people are in to get potty training and stuff nailed. And just turned 2 is teeny tiny I don’t know many toddlers who are dry in the day around the time of their 2nd birthday.

Please don’t compare your child to her cousin what they’re doing as babies and toddlers makes very little impact when they’re older neither is more intelligent than the other just because one is potty trained first, was talking/walking first.

Tell your family to feck off.

As previous posters have said, early potty training is no indication of superior intelligence, but the competitive commentary must be very irritating. In my experience this kind of constant comparison often comes from insecurity. The best , though counter-intuitive way to quieten this down is something I was told in a similar situation. I didn’t believe that it would work, but I do recommend you give it a try, as it was magic for me! It’s simple. Just take the initiative in praising your niece. Remark on how great it is that she’s trained (or anything else positive about her) without making a comparison with your dd at all, as pretty much the first thing you say. This means you take back the power in the conversation. Once you’ve praised her accomplishments an awful lot, it will become evident how little it bothers you, and conversational turn taking will incline the person you’re talking to to say something different

LOL. DS1 trained in his own merry time at 3 1/2 years old. He's just started studying for an engineering degree at a very good university after getting A*AA at A level.

DS2 trained at just over 2 years old and seems to have similar academic ability (he's only 8 so a bit early yet).

For mine it was very much related to their temperament. DS1 did it because HE wanted to and is still like that now. DS2 totally loved all the stickers and new pants and accolade and is a child that responds well to that sort of thing now.

Of course, this is all hindsight - at the time I was full of angst at my great 3 year old still being in nappies.

Whatever your daughter achieves she will always be as good as her cousin.

I’ve never understood the hurry some people are in to get potty training and stuff nailed. And just turned 2 is teeny tiny I don’t know many toddlers who are dry in the day around the time of their 2nd birthday.

I suppose it goes back to the time when people didn't have disposable nappies and cleaning cloth nappies was very hard work. grow up.

Potty training equated with intelligence? No way. My son wasn't trained until he was three years old (come to that, he didn't sleep through the night until he was three either!) and he was incredibly intelligent through school, way above average. Grown up now....and no-one cares when they are grown up....

My Dd still pops in her pants most days at 3. She got the highest SATs result in her year of 150 kids. No relation whatsoever. I really think she just couldn't be arsed to be honest

Pood

They've inferred since she was born that is is better - prettier, easier, cleverer, happier, more special. It just annoys me!

You might want to think about why they feel this compulsion to compare, given how obvious it is, that there is no correlation between these things. They are making a false comparison, why would they keep doing that. Smacks of their insecurity to me.

Dh is on board with it too. He's said since they were about four months that dd is 'behind' her cousin and that cousin is much more 'fun'

OK, this may not be the first time that a DH problem has appeared further down a thread on MN, but it is one of the most heartbreaking. Where is DH getting these stupid' not, really stupid daft ideas? This is really not OK, if he is going to be in her life. Seriously, this is your problem which needs to be addressed right away.

You would be right to feel sorry for the other members of your family, who have got themselves enmeshed in false comparisons, but DH really needs to get himself sorted out. What is he thinking?

Potty training has nothing to do with intelligence certainly not the child's. It's down to the parents how they handle it, if they do elimination communication, use clothes nappies, spend a lot of time at home etc. I 'potty trained" mine 'early' (tho not as early as I would have if I had been at home more, but tried to find a good compromise) enough because it felt right and it helped that I introduced a potty around 6-9months and I use cloth nappies (better for potty training and of course a great incentive for me too:)). But that was my choice entirely. It doesn't mean my kids are brighter than others. My older DD actually wasn't fully night trained until she was 5yrs old, her sister was fully clean day and night before 2yrs old. Again no link to intelligence, 2 different girls and night continence isn't something you can force really.

She's been better than dd since she was born stop internalizing their crap. This crap is far more harmful than the age at which she is potty trained.

Dh is on board with it too. He's said since they were about four months that dd is 'behind' her cousin and that cousin is much more 'fun'
Tell him how harmful it is to your daughter that he doesn't like her as much as his niece. That even at 2 she will understand that she isn't good enough for him. If he thinks its so terrible he can potty train her

Ds1 was in nappies until just over three and didn’t learn to read a thing until he was six.

He’s now at oxbridge.

Potty training age is absolutely no measure of intelligence so don’t worry yourself.