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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that because my dd isn't potty trained everyone thinks she's thick?

203 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 07/01/2018 12:38

Well maybe not everyone but all dh's family.

She's just 2 and has a cousin who is basically the same age. This little girl is obviously very bright and has potty trained basically overnight. My dd is perhaps only average or not as bright but I don't need it rammed down my throat all the time. Every time we see them they say 'not potty trained yet then' and 'X is potty trained and she's four weeks younger than dd'

She's been better than dd since she was born. This is just the latest thing in a procession of stuff my dd can't do. I realise dd will never be as good as her cousin. I don't need it pointed out to me all the time!

It's really getting on my nerves. My dd can't help not being as clever can she? I'm sure she won't go to school in nappies.

OP posts:
treeofhearts · 07/01/2018 14:14

It's nothing to do with intelligence or maturity! It's a bloody hormone for Christ's sake. She'll produce it when she's ready and they could all go to hell. Irritates the fuck out of me when people do this.

Ermmm6 · 07/01/2018 14:16

@WaitingForSunday17 you have a VERY important job to do here. It’s your job to make sure that your DD NEVER picks up on the fact that she’s being compared to her cousin.

Make sure she feels her worth throughout her life. Any comparison to her cousin should be nipped in the bud immediately by you as you are her protector in this life. Raise her to be confident in her abilities and truly see how amazing she is in her own right... then you’ll not go far wrong.

Tippz · 07/01/2018 14:21

Fuck a duck, I thought you were gonna say she was 4 or 5!

If that HAD been the case, that still wouldn't mean she was thick of course. It would just mean that she is a bit of a later starter with the potty training!!!

There is always some twat comparing their child to yours. Ignore. Don't engage. If they say anything else, just tell them that you really don't want to discuss this any further, and you are finding the comments rude and unnecessary.

As many posters have said, how early or late your child 'potty-trains' is sod-all to do with intelligence.

Spudlet · 07/01/2018 14:28

Oh, and ds is the same age as your dd and he is nowhere near ready - I really don't see a single sign. And he's not talking either! Imagine what they'd make of that!

He'll get there in his own good time, and so will your dd. 🙂

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/01/2018 14:32

I'd question where this child's intelligence comes from as none of them seem to have a bloody clue.

Shmithecat · 07/01/2018 14:32

My DS is 2.3. I've no intention of potty training yet. My dniece was potty trained at 22mo. She's fabulous but totally average at school (she's 9yo now). Agree with pp. Tell them to STFU.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 07/01/2018 14:35

I have always thought that some intelligent children potty trained later because they simply have more interesting things they want to do or learn.

lynmilne65 · 07/01/2018 16:12

She's 2 ffs !

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/01/2018 16:30

Don’t engage with the false competition. Just 2 is very early to potty. Your DD might well be ahead with other stuff (reading, art, swimming whatever). Don’t even say she will always be ahead of your niece. She really won’t and two is far too early to write her off!! Wink

Super123 · 07/01/2018 16:37

I would spend as little time with these people as possible.

Enjoy your unique journey with your dd without all this pressure.

Life's not a race. These milestones happen naturally.

Allthewaves · 07/01/2018 17:14

It's nothing to do with brightness. My bright ds1 was 4 before we forced potty trained him. Ds2 who had LD and asd decided to potty train a week after his second birthday and was night dry too.

Plainlycrackers · 07/01/2018 17:17

NRTFT but... DS potty v quickly trained at 2... has SEN... DD trained eventually at nearly 3 and a half... brilliant academically. They are talking utter bollox imo

ObscuredbyFog · 07/01/2018 17:20

OP said - Dh is on board with it too. He's said since they were about four months that dd is 'behind' her cousin and that cousin is much more 'fun

That is abysmal, he needs a good talking to and reminding him where his love should be directed.

LouHotel said - If you treat your DD like she's not good enough the it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

He and his family will cause this, put a stop to it NOW. Your poor little girl Sad

marymoosmum · 07/01/2018 17:33

Sorry I seem to have missed one of your posts. Your husband and his family will be making her even worse, the poor little thing, she will start to get a real complex. You need to at least shut your husband up and fight her corner.

CruCru · 07/01/2018 17:37

I think that the potty training is a bit of a red herring. The issue is more that you have people in your family comparing the two girls and finding your daughter wanting. That must be very upsetting (and, possibly, worrying).

The two children are not clones. Children don’t develop in a linear way. I am sure that your child is a pretty and clever girl.

There are two things that you need to do. First - tell whoever makes these comparisons that they are unhelpful - the girls are not clones and will be ready to go to the toilet / read / ski / climb mountains in their own time.

Second - make a point of telling your daughter how clever / pretty you find her (do this on your own and in front of the unhelpful relatives). Encourage her to take (sensible) risks and praise her when she does. It may be your job to build up her self esteem, particularly if others won’t.

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2018 19:44

Not all daffodils flower on the same day!

And just because a child seems bright aged two, doesn't mean they will always be a high achiever!

I have seen this first hand with DS1s friends we've known since he was a baby. The one with the best Alevel results was the baby who never crawled, was late to potty train, was completely laid back and never demanded any adult attention. He's now very witty, if still laid back. The then two year old who seemed practically genius hasn't stuck at anything for more than a few months since leaving school with a handful on mediocre GCSEs. I'm sure she's still very bright, she just needs to focus! Grin

You need to tell your family your DDs probably playing the long gameHmm

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2018 19:45

That was supposed to be a Wink

KMoKMo · 07/01/2018 19:53

I’m really sorry to read this. I’ve had same in our family as there are 2.5 weeks between my DD and her cousin. Cousin has an older sister and was potty trained around 2. Maybe even just before.
My MIL didn’t stop going on about it although luckily didn’t equate it to intelligence. Cousin was also talking and walking before DD but DD was 12 weeks prem so it was expected really.
We have only just in the last couple of months managed to potty train her. She’s 3.3.
I just maintained she wasn’t ready for it whenever I was asked and told DH to tell MIL that if she continued to go on about it we wouldn’t train her at all So she was still in nappies at 6 Smile
That shut her up for a bit.
It’s nothingto do with anything, especially not intelligence, and no ones business.
FWIW DD is now a better talker and more sociable than cousin although cousin is amazing at writing (alphabet and numbers already). They are all so different.

Littlechocola · 07/01/2018 19:57

She’s just a baby! Stop writing her off as not being good enough.
They are both individuals, life would be very dull if we were all the same!

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 07/01/2018 20:00

I'd be saying get a grip it's not a competition to every single person that said it. By the way my 13 and 8 yo were both potty trained young, it has not been indicative of intelligence at school etc at all. It means nothing other than control of the bladder.

Ohyesiam · 07/01/2018 20:17

Every time they say anything, say
" Comparison is the thief of joy " or
" Can you focus on the things she CAN do "
Or
" I really hate it when you say things like that"
Or " if you can't say anything nice about dd, please don't comment "or
" stop it with the comparison shit"

Or better still move away.

Glitterbugg · 07/01/2018 20:21

My iLs used to do this until I said “why do you compare x with DS all the time?”

It stopped after that. I didn’t say it in an awful manner either just straight up question. I’m not sure if they realised they were doing it, but even if they did it hasn’t happened since.

It did my head in for ages before I questioned it, wish I’d done it sooner. Really upset me, plus if I said anything about what ds had done, especially if positive or an achievement “oh well x does that too” etc all the time.

Chchchchangeabout · 07/01/2018 20:27

How does being able to shit in spot make you in any way a genius? Laugh and ignore. Your DD sounds like she is doing just fine.

Chchchchangeabout · 07/01/2018 20:28

A pot. Not spot. #clearlynotageniushereeither

DeadButDelicious · 07/01/2018 20:30

I know where you are coming from OP. My DD is 6 months younger than her cousin and all I ever here is what he was doing at her age and how much more 'sophisticated' than her he is. It's ridiculous. Completely ridiculous but OH MY GOD does it rub me the wrong way. They were even bragging that he started his terrible twos at 14 months. Hmm

Your DD is fine. Ignore it as best you can.