Not invited to dd's birthday day out: aibu to be miffed.?

[buggerthebotox]

Dd s birthday today. She's 16. DP had taken her and a few friends to another town (a nice, touristy one) to go shopping/ lunch etc. Town is about 40 miles away.

DP has been planning this with dd for a while. I was not invited.

When I called him out on it, he said I could come as long as 1) there was space in the car or 2) I was willing to drive myself separately.

I feel miffed. I feel I should have been invited and given the option to say yes or no. Am I being U?

I'm a bit poorly today and feeling paranoid and over sensitive.

It would have been nice to have been asked though.

NB: he has form for this type of thing. The other day, he booked himself a ticket to a concert knowing I'd like to have gone. By the time he said he was going, the tickets had been sold out, so I couldn't go anyway.

I've also caught him cheating (Not recently).

AIBU to feel pushed out and sidelined?

Hang on ,this is your current DP?

Is he DD's dad?

Fuck that! Why would he plan something you wasn't a part of ?

What did your DD want to do? And was he just driving them there and dropping them off or spending time with them?

Erm my son had has a few birthday outings with friends. I've never officially been invited. Nor has my husband. We just attend (and taxi everyone around!)

Maybe your DD just wanted a day with her friends (which at 16 is perfectly understandable and reasonable) and your DP/DD was worried you would hang on if you went along so chose not to mention it?

Yes, he's her dad. Yes he's current (for now).

sparkly I think he just likes getting his own way!.

I also think he likes making "grand gestures". To make himself look good, probably.

If you had gone with them in the car would dd have to have left a friend behind? I was one of a group of 4 at 16, so going anywhere w 2 friends would have been problematic.

But there wasn’t space for you. You would have either gone alone anyway or she would have left a mate behind.
Chances are as soon as they arrive they would get rid of him

Quick replies! Thanks.

I would never follow dd about, no. And of course she'd rather be with her friends: who wouldn't?

My gripe is with him, not her. I'd have liked to have gone, and he knew it. Not to hang around with the kids, but as a day out, followed perhaps by a pizza meal or something.

Weird! Why would he not even discuss his with you?!

I wouldn't have let dd leave a friend behind to accommodate me, no.

And yes, they'll have got rid of him pronto!.

Is he firing anything else in a single molar vein?
I hope I’m wrong but Im thinking it sounds like he’s doing all he possibly can to be separate.

But if there’s no space in the car what did you expect your dp suggested you follow on your car because he was already taking your dd and her friends and there was no room

He sounds a twat. Of course he should have asked you, unless he was just dropping them off.

(Do 16yo girls want to hang out with their dad and friends on their birthday, or any other time?!)

Does he mind you going out with friends or anything? It's weird he won't take you.

spider that's what I'm asking, I think.

If he's an ex then whilst I can understand you being upset at not being there for dd's 16th, congratulate yourself on no longer being with such a selfish prick. If he's a current partner then I'd be having a good, hard look at my relationship

Shouldn't you be slightly more bothered about him cheating on you than not riding in the car with them to basically drop off your dd and friends?

peppa eh? Different thread?

He sounds like an idiot tbh. Why would you want a partner that doesn’t include you in things? Do yourself a favour and let him be single properly - surely you’re worth more than this?

What's your relationship like without DD? Did you ask her about it?

ETA I can understand a 16 year old not wanting to hang out with her parents, but surely it's either a family thing or a friends thing. To say dad can come but mum's not welcome on a birthday day out is just bizarre unless it had been previously discussed and agreed.

Ophelia OP says upthread that he has previously cheated

OP it sounds like your partner has form for excluding you so I can see why you are feeling hurt. Otherwise no, teenagers should spend their birthdays with whoever they choose and partners shouldn't push themselves on their older children's social events without an invitation.

OP, sorry to ask, but is there any chance he wanted to be around dd's friends without you?