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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you judge men who've changed their name?

230 replies

MerryShitmas · 05/01/2018 08:59

As in, upon marriage to their wives (or husbands I suppose!).
Dh changed his name upon marriage (to my last name) he had his own reasons for doing it but I wouldn't marry a man willing to do it anyway.
Aibu to wonder, Do you judge men that do this/think it's unreasonable? If so, why?

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryShitmas · 05/01/2018 08:59

I wouldnt marry a man willing to do it, sorry, brain fart.
Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryShitmas · 05/01/2018 09:00

Oh for fuck sake double fail.
I wouldn't marry a man NOT willing to do it.

OP posts:
RavingRoo · 05/01/2018 09:00

I find it strange when men or women change their names on marriage.

Original poster
MerryShitmas · 05/01/2018 09:04

raving fair comment Smile

OP posts:
Whenyouseeit · 05/01/2018 09:08

The only person I know who did this, stated it was because the FIL (my relative) didnt have a son to 'carry on his name'. Which would be bad enough even if it was true. The FIL had two sons from his first marriage, he just chose not to see them since they got upset when he ran off with OW (the brides mother). I judge them all quite hard for that.

Otherwise I wouldnt judge at all.

comfortandjoy · 05/01/2018 09:08

The same as women who want to change their name . No, maybe slightly better as women doing it seems a bit like they're trying to show how into 'traditional values ' they are.

Spannerkeks · 05/01/2018 09:09

Yes, positively.

FrostyThirties0 · 05/01/2018 09:09

No I don’t agree with you as I think everyone should have a choice. How would you feel if you DH said the same? He wouldn’t marry a woman who wouldn’t be willing to change her name?

FrostyThirties0 · 05/01/2018 09:09

Oh to answer the thread title- no I wouldn’t judge a man for changing his name.

FluffyWuffy100 · 05/01/2018 09:10

No I don't think it is strange.

My preferred outcome is when both parties change their name to something else because then neither is 'giving up' their identity to take on the others.

Original poster
MerryShitmas · 05/01/2018 09:10

He had a choice; he knew from relatively early on and that I had my reasons for it. He was fine with it.
If I met a man who had that as a deal breaker then I'd walk away.
Same as a man wanted to change or bend any other of my dealbreakers.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 05/01/2018 09:11

I know quite a few men who double barelled but only two who changed their name to their wife's.
One was a former work colleague whose surname was similar to Smith or Jones. His wife had a much more distinctive name and he preferred it. I thought good for him!
The other chap's "maiden name" was Gay. He couldn't wait to change his surname to his wife's, perhaps not surprisingly. I thought good for him too!
Wish more men would do it so it became more of a normal option.
I refused to change my name as I am not a chattel. I do understand the wish to have a shared family name, however. It would be nice to see the wife's name selected as often as the husband's.

LittleMe03 · 05/01/2018 09:14

My DP has a son who has his surname so for that reason when we get married next year I will be taking his surname. (Although I like the tradition anyway of taking the mans surname in marriage) wouldn't judge anyone who didn't do this thou, each to their own!

WilyMinx · 05/01/2018 09:14

No, wouldn't judge. Am sure they would have a good reason for this. I didn't change my name upon marriage and equally hope no one will judge me for it.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 05/01/2018 09:14

A man at work did - I thought no more of it than about a woman changing her name on marriage but lots of men were judgemental and said “under the thumb” nonsense behind his back

FrostyThirties0 · 05/01/2018 09:15

But why wouldn’t you be happy to be in a marriage where you both keep your own names? If you want that for yourself why can’t you understand if a future spouse wanted it for themselves too.

Sparklesocks · 05/01/2018 09:17

I don’t judge and think it’s quite nice. Women have been changing their names for centuries so nice to mix it up a bit - and have him do al the admin for a change!

ThymeLord · 05/01/2018 09:18

I agree with Raving. I don't know why anybody would change their name to someone elses. I don't judge, I just find it strange is all.

sohelpmegoad · 05/01/2018 09:19

My brother changed his name to his wifes name when they married, why would anyone judge, it was their decision, and its such a non event

EllaHen · 05/01/2018 09:20

People will still assume that a shared name is the man's name. My dh is often called Mr Myname.

I wouldn't judge though.

MoistCantaloupe · 05/01/2018 09:21

No, don't judge at all. Likewise I don't judge women who change their name, couples that wish to double-barrel their names, or people who keep their original surnames.

Firstly, it's not really my business, and secondly, let people do what they want!

peachgreen · 05/01/2018 09:21

I don't judge anyone, male or female, for changing / not changing their name on marriage but I find it infuriating when others do. Nobody else's business other than the couple's, imo.

(I do love a good portmanteau-ed surname though. I know a couple who were, for eg, Barclay and Walker, so changed their surname on marriage to Baker - reflecting both her job as a chef and his family's heritage as bread makers. Very cool.)

RestingGrinchFace · 05/01/2018 09:22

Well no, I changed my name so if I did I would be a hypocrite.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/01/2018 09:22

Several posters have said they must have "good" reasons for doing this.

Any examples of a good reason?

Colouringoutsidethelines · 05/01/2018 09:22

I don’t know how I’d feel because I’ve NEVER met a man who has changed their last name!
I’d be curious about his reasons for doing so though just because it’s so rare.