To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

YANBU. Seems odd that they have been so unresponsive.

Its your charity and your cause. They may not feel the same way about it. Many people have charity fatigue.

They’re not your friends. They don’t even count your birthday in with theirs? Time to knock all that on the head.

1. Why aren't you just asking for marathon sponsorship like most people do? It sounds as though you're going a bit over the top.

1. It's a skint time of year for many people. Those who do a big clear out in late November/early December won't have any old things for your sale.

1. What charity is it? Perhaps they're simply not interested?

Just make a sponsorship page and ask for donations that way. Requires your friends to manage one click of a button rather than remembering to find toys, think of venues, bake cakes etc.

A little bit.

It's just after Xmas and I can't say I'd overjoyed at having someone shove their charity fundraising in my face constantly.

I understand it's very important to you, but you have to understand it isn't necessarily important to other people.

Sorry!

Could be just the timing - people are exhausted after Christmas and not in the mood to start turning things out? I know I wouldn't feel like thinking about it this soon when the house is still a tip and I haven't packed away decorations yet. I wouldn't write everyone off just yet.

The thing is that it's all nice but the reality is that others dont really care or if they do they have too much on. Its just another thing to think about. Im sorry you feel let down by your friends but tbh i would be the same. Im lucky to donate a bottle to the tombola.
Not sure why you felt the need to mention its a private school?
And finally without being nasty some fundraisers are doing it for themselves qnd the glory of having done a nice thing and expecting recognition from society. I know two of these. Not saying you are one but just thought id mention it. The test of us just grit teeth and focus on the day to day stuff.
Am sorry its not gone the way you hoped though.

Just read how you donate to birthdays but never recieve anything. Sounds a bit martyrlike and may explain the lack of interest tbh.

You might not have been a fundraising bore but you are one now!!

The school mums might prefer to donate unwanted items to their local charity shop. The restaurant suggestion request probably filled them with dread because they knew what was coming next !!!

The cake sale for your charity is another step too far if you expect others to problem the bakes.

There are so many charities and fundraisers out there - yours may be important to you but might not be to others - run the marathon and make your own donation to your chosen charity.

They’re not your friends by the sound of it

But YABU, people very rarely care much about other people’s fundraising efforts especially when you’re asking for them to put in effort not just throw you a fiver.

The group might not be as coherent as it looks? I agree with setting up a fundraising page and pointing people to it on your own FB.

I honestly don’t think charitable intent is correlated with how much money you have though so maybe you need to lower your expectations from your rich friends?

You all seem fairly well off financially. Children at private schools doesn't come cheap. My experience of well off people is, the more money they have the less they want to give. They are also not your friends. Sadly.

I donate to 9 different charities every month by DD. I add a new one every year that i choose carefully and am committed to donating for my lifetime.
I never sponsor anyone doing races. You want to run and do a big personal challenge, that's great - good for you. Support you all the way in achieving your goal.

But don't expect me to pay £££s for it. I know that will sound harsh but you do sound very entitled in your assumption that these people have lots of spare cash and SHOULD be supporting your endeavour in effort and money.

Same as Lancelottie suggested

When the PTA come asking for fundraising at school I wish they would make it easy. A single link, put the PTA account number and sort code on the paper rather than: ask for home baked cakes, pots filled up with things, specific stuff, children with hand-made glasses etc etc

Set up a just giving page. It's far easier for them to donate than having to sort through toys etc to donate, arrange to drop off and run the risk of being asked to help sell.
The bake sale fills me with dread - and I enjoy baking. But the economics of bake sales just don't work. Asking people to donate money & time to make something. Then more money to buy it back.

They probably support other charities already. I hate people badgering to support theirs and you do sound ott. A just giving page allows people to opt in if they want.

Donating to group presents is an entirely different matter.

If MN general consensus is to be believed, most private school parents have "scrimped and saved" to afford the fees, so maybe they just can't afford it?

My DH is running the London Marathon and has a charity place with Asthma UK. He has to guarantee to raise £1800 so no I don't think your efforts are over the top at all ad unfortunately we are in the same boat. So far he has about £500 through his Just Giving page and one supermarket bag packing. I think it's the time of year. Good luck.

They don't sound like your friends to be honest.

But assuming they are:

1. It is just after christmas
2. If they are like me then they get irritated at being repeatedly asked for charity things (i do my own charity donations and will chip in to some things but dislike being bugged)
3. The fact you're pushing it so much sounds to me like you've not got in through the ballot and have got a charity place where thry set a minimum sponsorship and the runner has to top up to that if their sponsorship/fundraising doesn't cover it)

No advice as such. It's great you're running it, but maybe see it from their view.

They’re probably thinking if you’re going this over the top right after Christmas, you’ll be a nightmare by the time of the actual marathon in spring!

Also, no one is suggesting venues because they know you’ll pounce on them, expecting them to attend and donate.

Being a “supportive friend” doesn’t mean they’re obligated/guilted into giving you money to pass it on to a charity you’ve chosen.

A simple donation page is all that's needed. I think you are asking too much especially right after Christmas.
Do the school already do fundraising for a cause? May be the parents already give to that. Nowadays at work there is always somebody fundraising. It can get a bit much. Maybe your cause; while dear to you; isn't a popular charity ( e.g. cancer, kids or charities are popular)

People are tired and emotionally drained after Christmas.

And with the adverts and chuggers it's just yet another person asking for money. It's boring.