To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

Try again later in the year OP. You say you've had gifts from your community rather than the private school your kids go to. Work on that.

But I do agree with other PPs that I won't be supporting teenagers going out to build/paint schools when the money they raise could go to local craftsmen and women who would do it better and earn money. There are a couple of local state and private schools and churches who have a longterm commitment to a particular country - that I can see. They also work longterm to send teachers/books etc. I dislike the gap year "charities" who send teenagers out for an "experience" but clearly cream off a lot of money.

That sounds fair enough Laguna bubbles and I'm sure he has the support given the circs - same as my v young niece running race for life in memory of her nan - different to me to the op situation x

I think YABU asking a restaurant to offer a discounted menu 😬

And as above posters have said, time of year, charity fatigue, irritation?

Your idea of collecting stuff to car boot is a good one though.

And forget their birthdays if they're not acknowledging yours!

Yabu. A lot of people have charities they like to support, they probably find it annoying being asked to pay for your hobby .

Sorry OP, but you do definitely sound like a fundraising bore. Baking cakes? Ffs, it's your charity, you can't go about pestering people, just set up a justgiving page and be done with it.

Thanks Quokka, good luck to your niece to! The marathon he has done before was connected to a health problem one of his mindees had, he was a child minder at this time. This he said gave him the incentive to keep going, as he could have gave up. It wasnt the personal achievement. It was the thought his fund raising work would contribute to a piece of equipment that would enhance the quality of young children's lives that the charity could help pay for.

I will give a few pounds (5-10) to people I know who are doing these sort of sport events. Someone at work did one of the 'dream travel adventure' type things and I didn't think it was too big a deal to buy a few bits and bobs at her various bake sales etc. But in that case, she was very clear that she was fully funding her trip, flights, accommodation, guides etc and all the money raised was going to the charity. I must say I draw the line though at the giving up meat for a month / growing a moustache etc activities where people ask for sponsorship. Following the general consensus here, I would be more likely to donate a few pounds than get involved in giving stuff for sales, going to fundraiser events etc. I find social events stressful and we give stuff for the school fete and church bazaar - I don't have an inexhaustible supply of stuff!

Also what does running 26 miles achieve for the community or good causes

Well in my DHs case it will hopefully raise at least £1800 for a national UK charity that supports people in all communities with a common but life threatening condition. If this helps improve the quality of life for a few people with Asthma then that's an achievement to me.

But he's not raising the money by running the marathon, a large amount of it is being raised by packing bags etc.
The charities pay something like £500 for the place and then they are basically selling it on to people who want to run the marathon for £2000. Those runners are then asking others to fund the cost of their place anyway they can, because most people can't raise it in sponsorship alone.

I've done marathons and raised money for charity whilst doing it but I had ballot places (so paid £30 or whatever for my place), the charities involved were local ones that have helped our family and there was no pressure to raise any particular amount. This meant I could ask friends/colleagues if they'd like to support me in raising money for the charity and why it was important to me, but I never needed to hassle anyone or focus more on fundraising than training and the charities got a few hundred quid.

What is the charity, Kiwikiss1?

You have got a lot of good ideas there ...

"running the London Marathon for charity"
"car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity"
"restaurant ... which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function"
"setting up a JustGiving page"
"contribute to the cake sale"
"do have some other irons in the fire which will hopefully help me reach the target"

... and you say yourself that you are ...

"not a fundraising 'bore'"

... so ...

What is the charity? It certainly seems possible that that is where the problem lies.

Sorry, OP, but you do sound like a fundraising bore. If it's a local marathon then the other parents at school are likely to be family members or very close friends participating, maybe even running it themselves.

Don't take it personally. At least you have had a good response to your Fb ad. to the local community.

I totally hate it when one of the mums at school does similar and then is in a huge huff when people don't donate.

Most people like myself have their own way to give; I volunteer already for a number of schools, giving my (very busy) time to helping children and taking that time away from work and family. I choose this way to give as it feels more useful than giving the odd pound here and there and it is something I can feel the results of.

I know some people who donate a lot to specific charities close to their hearts, either way its their choice and who's to say what they need to do with their money.

I hate this moral pressure to have to "give" everytime someone asks, it' absolutely mental. When I was younger, I used half of my earnings to help my own brother through university, so that was my own way to "give", there isn't one way you know. If you want to run a marathon run it, but don't "expect" people to fund it. YABVU,

Fundraising is hard OP. I have a disability and have done various things to raise money for the charity that helps people living with my condition. The fun run DH done a few years back was the least successful of our fundraising efforts sadly, personally I feel race for life seems to have the support, quite rightly, most families have lost a loved one to cancer. Also its January, so most families may be feeling less generous. I wish you all the best with the marathon and your fundraising efforts.

He's lost money in the past by applying for the London Marathon before because it is so over subscribed as you don't get your money back if you don't get a place.

You don't have to pay if you don't get a place unless you choose to bequeath your entry fee.

I don't have a wide group of friends, but even I have 6-7 people close to me who do running quite seriously and do some for their chosen charity. Can easily be 2-4 times a year each. That's up to £280 if I "only" give £10 each.

In your situation I'd be wondering why you didn't just do the fundraising, add in the expenses you would have paid on accommodation and travel, as the charity would benefit more plus still have a space for someone closer to do the running. Win all round for them.

I don't think for the majority of charities that marathon's raise the profile. There's generally so many people running one charity is unnoticeable. Fundraising in your local community will bring at least as much publicity.

@LagunaBubbles I really don't have anything useful to add to the thread but I just felt I had to post because you're being given such a hard time. I really don't think you need to justify yourself. I think there's a huge difference if someone is fundraising for a charity with strong personal connections rather than deciding they want to run a marathon & randomly picking a charity (which isn't aimed at anyone- I don't know the OP's or anyone else's situation). I'm not able to sponsor everyone who asks but I do always try to sponsor those who are doing something for a very personal cause as it's usually very meaningful to them. It obviously raises awareness for his cause if he runs the marathon with sponsorship & if you're doing all these weekend events naming the cause rather than him just giving a lump sum of his own money as has been suggested. Good luck with the rest of your bag packs & to your DH for the marathon.

I agree with you pizzas but at the end of the day Asthma UK are still going to get a big sum of money aren't they, that should be all that matters. Maybe that's me being naive! We arent asking people to help us bag pack either, we as a family are doing all that. The Edinburgh marathon that he ran for charity was just him paying his entry and having a JG page so thankfully no minimum amount to raise!

Sadly I would get the idea that they are your friends out of your head.

pizzas I can assure you he's applied to the London Marathon before, had to pay something like £50, didn't get a place or his money back either. If my memory serves me right I think they sent him a t shirt.

You want people to sponsor you doing the matathon.
A restaurant to provide a cheap meal close for the night for your event and lose profit.
Attend said meal and pay for it.
Give you prizes.
Give you stuff to sell.
Make stuff for a bake sale and presumably attend and buy other peoples stuff.
Thats a bloody lot to ask people to do.

If you are fundraising its up to you to source a restaurant and organise things. Its not everyone elses job to give up things, time and money while you take the credit for handing over the cheque.

It may well be time of year OP, or they are not really good friends. Good luck with fundraising, it's not easy. If you need support come over to RunMummyRun on Facebook, we're a friendly and helpful group!

beepboopbeepboop
Thank you

I’ve stopped responding to friends’ fundraising requests as there are just too many. Also sometimes, I don’t really agree with the cause (toys for the very middle-class village school nursery class, - just have a whip round amongst the parents). I give monthly to 2 charities by standing order (or DD - I can’t remember). I also occasionally respond to TV or Radio 4 appeals.
I did the Race for Life a few years ago and just asked immediate family if they’d donate and put in £200 myself.
They will have ignored your restaurant query for fear of getting sucked in to being involved. Most of us struggle to keep up with our own shit.

I'm struggling with why you think they should be interested tbh. Most people support their own favourite charities already. Presumably the school also holds charity fundraising events for the charities that the school supports.
Rather than wondering why they're disinterested, a better question would be why you thought they would be interested in fundraising for you. . .

He must have ticked the box that says he was willing to bequeath his entry fee in return for a top Laguna.

I've never paid for my ballot entry - I've only been successful once and I paid after my acceptance arrived.

Bequeathing your entrance fee gets you into another small ballot for a few extra places. So you're slightly more likely to get in as opposed to paying afterwards.

YABU for all the reasons given by PPs

Also ...

I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell.
No, no, no, that's not how it works. If you want to fundraise with a cake sale, you bake or buy the goods to sell, and other people give you money (the donation) for the cakes.