To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

Over zealous charity fundraisers get on my tits.

I'd far rather bung you some money on justgiving.

OP
You mention needing to raise £2000.
This sounds like you've got a charity place (which i have an issue with because they use a running race to bleed people dry / make it so only people with money behind them can do it but my feelings about thr conduct of some charities os neither here nor there)

Ultimately, if you've sigend up to raise a ridiculous sum of money then you are going to have to be creative.

I know someone who does a number of events for tjeir chosen charity and they are always fundraising, which is lovely, except she's always asking for donations from us all. If i wanted to donate regularly to her cause I'd set up a direct debit.

Why not donate more money yourself?

Tax deductible as well if above a basic rate tax papyer- so brings the cost down.

You have no idea about anyone's financial situations and Christmas is only just over. It all sounds a bit exhausting (for you and the other mums).

"People chucking in £5-10" is exactly all you can hope for. And it's nice if them if they do that.
You can't be expecting these mum's you know to pay for it all for you and put a load of effort in.

So since Christmas, you have asked for donations, plus asked for advice for a. Restaurent. That’s two fundraising activities in less than ten days.

Many people are jaded after Christmas and don’t get back into gear until,the kids go back to school. Maybe they are still recovering from Christmas. Fund raising may be on your agenda, but not on theirs.

Also, don’t assume that just because the kids go,to private school, the parents are well off. For many, after the fees, plus all,the usual household expenses (mortgage, car etc),theyndon’t Actuallzy have any spare cash to splash about.

It sounds very well intentioned but convoluted.... so I'd have to sort through stuff, communicate with you about how to get it to you. Then you have to store it, then sell it, and then give the proceeds to charity. I could not be bothered, sorry

This ^^. I give to various charities, support several initiatives abroad and here, and sponsor friends. Your group might well do similar, so it's a bit unfair to think of them as being possibly uncharitable/a bit unfriendly.

It really is the wrong time of year for many people, as mentioned upthread. For anyone travelling/with small children/both it can be bloody exhausting and some me will still be reeling from it!

I would just stick with the JG page for now. The other plans sounds a bit faffy and too involved for many people to be able to get on board with.

For example 'a fun night out' for many might be a bit of a pain to commit to?

Good luck though OP!

You mention needing to raise £2000. This sounds like you've got a charity place

Ah, is it this kind of thing OP?

It's just after Christmas and quite frankly nobody knows other people's financial situation so YABU

I think charity fundraising is be of the few areas where it’s totally reasonable not to give your time or money to anothers chosen charity. I think generally people can only donate so much (time or money) in a year and so many choose which charities they support based on their own personal feelings. I very rarely sponsor friends or family or donate to fundraisers etc unless they are raising money for a charity I would support otherwise as I prefer to donate to the charities I choose.

Your friends may prefer to donate their unwanted gifts to a charity of their choice rather than for the charity of your choice.

Also you don’t say what charity you’re fundraising for but it could also be that there is a reason they personally don’t want to give money to your charity, for example I have a vegan friend who is against some medical research charities as they test on animals.

If you want to run a marathon that’s great but you should be funding it with your own money or the money of those who offer it and not trying to push people to donate.

My credit card bill arrived today. It was double normal and means I'm starting the year skint. To look at me you'd think I was loaded but mortgage and childcare wipe out majority salary. So those who look able to support may actually not be...

Shifty yes we could have donated £500 that this will probably cost us - but thats nowhere near the £1800 this will hopefully raise plus publicise the charity. I have gave up quite a few of my weekends already to stand in Asda for 6 hours packing bags as it's just me, DH and DSs. Just what I need after working all week. And he has quite a few more lined up that I am going to help with because I know as much as I would be rather lying in bed I know how much this means to him now he is relatively stable. I to have the memories of some of the hospital admissions (50 plus since he was born) and my children have also grew up up witnessing ambulances etc. You shouldn't really attribute your own cynical thoughts about why others do certain things to everyone you know. So yes I'm "being completely" honest about why he's running this race and it's rather arrogant of you to assume you know different.

YANBU to be upset. Yabu if you expect the rest of the world to be as excited about fundraising and your charity as you feel.

I’ve had friends do the same as you (get so excited at a cause they find worthy) then get upset with me because I didn’t want to book a table at a gala dinner for a mere £3k etc, I fell out with aforementioned friend.

Which charity is it for OP?

There are some charities that I will not donate to, for various reasons (testing methods, ethicalness of executive bonuses etc) There is one in particular I never donate to, and you may have some people who are in my camp.

I am the similar to justhappy and have my set charities on DD each month. Additional stuff conflicts with that and we are generous with our donations. Yet, I am the wife of a 10x marathon runner and he’s raised for charities for each run and used innovative ideas to raise the funds himself (bag packing is surprisingly profitable- £900 for 7 hours in Sainsburys)

I have Charity fatigue sorry OP !

I do donate monthly via DD to 2 charities I care about but I get a bit tired .

That said what you are offering re the car boot sale is an excellent way to make money and to clear out - so why not do another stab at that but seek it as ‘clear your closets for charity’

I would be wary of other efforts if the response is so lukewarm

They are showing their true colours aren’t they

Also my head of department's som is wanting a gap year doing something like building a well or something equally middle class. He emailed the whole company asking that we kindly attend a dinner/event and donate to toby's charity work. Er no im not funding a gap year abroad for someone i dont know especially when dad is obviously loaded and could do it himself.

As in, the charity fundraising was mainly for flights and accomodation for a posh kid to do a bit of brickwork for fb likes.

So basically you want to run the marathon but need others to pay for it? There lies the problem, may won't donate so that you get to do something you want.

If you can afford private school you can afford to pay the charity fee yourself.

It is there prerogative what they give to. They may have their own charities. Please do not do a bake sale in the school. Twice since Christmas is too much. Donate the £2000 yourself or ask close family for a donation.

Their not there

I've also explained to DH about charity fatigue which us why he is organising so many bag packing events for us at supermarkets, I hate people packing my bag but lots of people seemed to really appreciate it and lots said no but put coins in anyway!

Sorry but why should they give a toss about your fundraising? You're asking for time and effort as well as money, and they may well think that making you look good (because this is what these marathon/trip charity requests boil down to) is not their top priority. A fiver or so via a just giving page is the maximum you can expect, really. And it also is going to depend what the charity in question is: people prioritize their charity giving according to their own preferences.

As in, the charity fundraising was mainly for flights and accomodation for a posh kid to do a bit of brickwork for fb likes.

One of my colleagues does this every year- she fund raises to go and work in an orphanage for 4 weeks. She earns £70k. I pointe out to her that for the £3k she 'fundraises' mostly for her flight she could sponsor/fund a skilled local worker for a year rather than the 4 weeks she provides as an unskilled helper.

YABU. If you want to run a marathon just pay for it yourself

Op- I think your ideas are very good.
I personally donate a lot to charity.
However over recent months I have given so much good quality items to charity shops I feel I have earned my place in the good books.
A friend of mine had mentioned she is going to fund raise, again, by getting everyone to sponsor her doing an exciting activity she wants to do. I'm sorry but I won't be sponsoring her. I've got nothing in return for all the good deeds I've done.
It's my pet hate when people try and get others to finance their flamboyant trips in the name of charity.