To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

I think you are being unreasonable to ask them for multiple donations. Once a year is reasonable, more than that is a pain. I get asked to sponsor people or donate funds about once a week.

You might as well burn £5 notes as do a cake sale- the ingredients often cost more than the price that they sell for.

Adults don't usually do school cake sales- the children do those.

Just set up a just giving page and let your friends know. Much less needy and demanding.

Just re-read this

Are you trying to fundraise to cover the costs of the marathon entry?

Private school mums being tight? Well I never...

I hate when people, friends or otherwise, expect me to donate to their charities. Money is bad enough, but asking me to sort out clothes or toys etc, leave it out. I have my own charities, I volunteer and donate and everything. I'd be pretty mad if you were complaining about me not supporting your chairities.

And he's not doing it because he wants to "run a big race" or anything like that - he lost 7 stone and if he hadn't his asthma could have killed him - it's still a big killer in the UK. He just wants to help others with Asthma through raising money for the charity. I really dislike attitudes like Justhappys that people are sponsoring others to fulfil their "dream", nothing could be further from the truth in our case. It's going to cost us a lot to in travel and accommodation since we live in the West of Scotland.

The problem with them suggesting a venue is that they would then feel obliged to attend the fundraising event. Charitable giving is a personal thing IMO and they may have causes they already support with time and/or money. It’s great that you have a cause you are passionate about and want to raise money for, but not everyone is going to feel the same way.

You say you got a great response from your local community page, so perhaps target your fundraising efforts there, rather than with this group of friends.

If I'm reading correctly, you asked them to recommend a restaurant because you live in a different town - again, why not use a local restaurant?

Wishing you luck in reaching your target.

People are increasingly suspicious of charities, the large charities often do little front line work, and have become pressure groups.

lostinspace the London Marathon us well oversubscribed. My DH has been trying for years. For a charity place to be offered to you you need to apply to your charity and they may offer you one but you have to raise a certain amount of money for tnem. This goes direct to the charity. As I said for my DH and Asthma UK this sum is £1800. You make it sound as if the OP is trying to financially gain out if this?

I would say:

It sounds a bit complicated, how is the fundraising related to the marathon, do people know what you are doing?

Its 4 days after new year, and school - for us starts on Monday. I am already busy as feck and my heart plummets at the thought of yet another bake sale where the things I lovingly make are sold for less than the cost of the ingredients.

I am almost overwhelmed with the amount of fundraising stuff that comes my way. I could have made restaurant suggestions, but I wouldn't want to go to an event like that - sorry, not even for my bestest friend or favourite cause.

I'd rather socialise with people normally and bung a cash donation, any time. Honestly.

I already give to causes that are close to my heart and unfashionable.

So YABU to take the huff.

“It's going to cost us a lot to in travel and accommodation since we live in the West of Scotland.”

Which he could have donated to the cause that’s so important to him, if this was really 100% about raising money for the charity.

When you’re not completely honest about the intentions to yourself, don’t get offended when others point them out to you.

Obviously we don't know what they're thinking but I personally have complete charity fatigue. It is constant at work and with my friends and community. The same people can't possibly keep constantly donating.

It sounds very well intentioned but convoluted.... so I'd have to sort through stuff, communicate with you about how to get it to you. Then you have to store it, then sell it, and then give the proceeds to charity.

I could not be bothered, sorry

Same with flipping cake sales, an hour's work to sell some cakes at 50p when the ingredients and time cost more. I have cake stall fatigue.

Also, so you are all well off (including yourself) so why faff about with car boot sales and cakes? Why not a nice big donation from you, plus a few other small (easy) online money donations by friends?

Is it more "worthy" if the cash is hard earned by car boot sales and cake stalls...?
I found being a private school mum created so much wifework for me, I ended up really resenting it (and why is all this shit up to mums, why do dads not get roped in? Lucky bastards )

I do give £5 or £10 to "just giving" things though, as it is easy

I save my fundraising for 3 charities I’ve either been involved in the past or my dc school. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t give you any money or bric or brac for the charity of your choice. There is only so much money to go around and I’m afraid I choose where my money goes. That said I might knock up a cake or donate an unwanted gift if we were close friends but it wouldn’t be something I’d want to do, I would feel pressure into doing it as ‘doesn’t everybody want to help a charity?’

Thank you for all your comments. I will be setting up a JustGiving page, but unfortunately, to raise £2,000 more will be required than relying on people chucking in £5-10. The other thing is, I thought organising a fun night out would be much less annoying than pushing the JG page constantly. I have not yet asked anyone to contribute to the cake sale and I think I will dispense with this idea now after reading he feedback. Fortunately, I do have some other irons in the fire which will hopefully help me reach the target.

Lostinspace the London Marathon us well oversubscribed. My DH has been trying for years. For a charity place to be offered to you you need to apply to your charity and they may offer you one but you have to raise a certain amount of money for tnem. This goes direct to the charity. As I said for my DH and Asthma UK this sum is £1800. You make it sound as if the OP is trying to financially gain out if this?

I run marathons- I know exactly how it works. The OP doesn't say that- they don't say if it is a ballot place that they need to pay for or a charity place.

Lots of people get a place and then run for charity- rather than getting a charity place.

Why not donate more money yourself?

I agree with those saying the birthday thing makes it sound like they don't see you as a friend.

I donate to friends who are doing something like a charity marathon run (providing I don't disagree with the charity) but I don't even look at asks from people involved in groups I'm a part of. There are too many people who could start asking for donations for their favourite causes. I'd rather keep my money and donate to the causes I actually want to donate to! I will almost always buy cake, but I wouldn't be donating cakes or anything towards a sale unless it was for a charity I was a supporter of.

I totally hate being forced to support somebody's pet charity. I just want to be free to give to any charity I want to support. Wouldn't dream of trying to drum up support for my pet charity. And agree these people probably already support charities of their choice.

I don't think it's anything to do with how much they value you as a friend. And this expecting businesses to offer a discount just simply isn't on especially as you don't even live in the town. What charity is it? Maybe they'd rather support a different charity.

Aside: if you think your cakes are being undersold at cake sales (been there, done that!) then rethink your offering. Cornflake cakes, for example, not cupcakes. Ginger cake instead of brownie. Cut the tray bake into smaller pieces (triangles look bigger than the equivalent weight in squares).

And insist that everything be sold at 50p minimum. Agree there's no bloody point otherwise!

Fundraising fatigue.

Just pay the minimum donation to the charity yourself and crack on with your training. Being honest with yourself.... are you doing the marathon first and foremost for charity or because you wanted to do a marathon?

Why not donate more money yourself?

That is what my DH does if he cant get a ballot place for a marathon. He buys a charity spot and just makes the full donation himself (and his old employer used to match fund up to £500 so the charity got an extra £500)

I had a school Mum friend who was doing a major event for charity. She sent quite a few requests for sponsorship, which I studiously ignored, and I know lots of the other Mums did as well. She is a nice lady, but I just didn't want to get involved.

My view is if people want to go and climb Mount Kilimanjaro or wherever, they should just go and do it. I don't want to be involved in funding it, even if it is for 'charity'.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I bet that is what a lot of the other Mums are thinking.

I'm desperate to run the London Marathon. Have applied to the ballot every year for at least the past 12 and never got a spot. I do resent the people who take charity spots and assume that friends will fund the >£2k cost. It's sort of like the whole skydiving for charity/doing the Inca trek for charity.

If you want to raise money then run a less high profile marathon where entry is a given (Edinburgh? Paris?), then raise money on top of that.