To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

I no longer sponsor people for charity things as there’s just too many and really at the end of the day how much is going to the actual charity?

I much prefer giving goods that will be directly used. I phone the local dogs trust and they tell me what they need, specific food, blankets etc. I buy it and deliver it. Same with the Food Bank and the local Women’s Aid shelters.

Obviously I still donate to some via direct debit as you can’t just rock up to Cancer Research with a microscope.

Agree with a lot of PP when they said if you want to run a marathon/ climb Kilimanjaro/ trek the Grand Canyon then crack on but pay for it yourself.

It would be a perfect time to declutter after Xmas or if they have nothing to give surely they can sponsor a tenner? They sound a bit mean

Not mean at all to ignore a pushy virtue-signaller, whose 'charity' donations involve a lot of time and effort, the bulk of which is going to benefit OP rather than the charity anyway. These community rally-rounds tend not to work unless there is a direct involvement - raising money for someone's DC to have surgery abroad, or a house adapted for someone who has been turned down for social funding but can't get upstairs any more... But the 'community' aren't going to put themselves out for OP's glorification when it would be more efficient for them just to send the charity some money directly - if it's one they care to support.

My son is running his fourth half marathon in April. They cost £10-20 to enter. He did raise £250 for charity for his first (from Just Giving Page), but he’s doing them for a personal challenge, nothing else.maybe op should do these, and some fund raising for the chatity separatedly.

It's that time of year.

I've had 4 people announce they are doing a 10k (2 of whom won't), 2 announce a marathon, and one doing a daily number of steps thing. All wanting sponsorship - none of them wanting sponsorship for a charity that particularly means anything to me.

Thats before we get onto the tough mudders, fun runs, midnight walks and an inevitable bike ride one.

I'm far more likely to conate a couple of quid to someone's just giving or donation page than I am to be bothered with gathering toys or baking cake for them to sell (especially if I don't actually know them well so would never know how much they donated and how much covered travel etc).

Also, are you a regular runner? I don't generally sponsor people to do things they do regularly or would do even if it wasn't a big event.

Someone shit scared of heights being dared into a abseil or zip slide for a charity close to the groups hearts - absolutely.

Someone who runs 5k or 10k every weekend running a 10k in a specific location for a charity I'm not a fan of - nope.

Lovelymess
It would be a perfect time to declutter after Xmas or if they have nothing to give surely they can sponsor a tenner? They sound a bit mean

Its not a perfect time for all. Last thing i wanna do after a busy run to christmas is the rip house apart and declutter. Will save that for in a month or so? Its not mean at all
Op has already bulked at a tenner, like she was expecting a minimum 50

Why is after Christmas a good time to declutter? Everyone I know that is remotely organised enough to declutter does it before Christmas. Not in return to school week.

Thats before we get onto the tough mudders, fun runs, midnight walks and an inevitable bike ride one
And that's what annoys me.
Some of us do 10ks and half marathons for our own hobby and would probably do long walks or the coast to coast cycle without fundraising.

I don't mind charities choosing to run an event and your entry fee goes to the charity (normally £10-20). That's on me as a runner. If people want to raise a nominal amount for a charity, fine (becauee we are talking a few friends and family throwing a couple of quid in).

I hate 'you can have a place but only if you find thousands'.

I don't like tough mudders, colour runs, obstacle runs etc being invaded by the charity thing. (For a start 5km with inflatables is not really a 5km run. If you can't be on your feet for an hour, assuming no medical condition, then it really isn't sponsorable).

If Christmas creates clutter rather than items you want to keep - time to stop those useless presents.

I read this thread out to my DH. He said the more he is hassled about charities the less he wants to give. He said that he now says no and doesn't feel bad. I think this is known as charity fatigue.

Also, my DH is a Triathlete and Ironman and has done loads of races. He says that if you just want to run a marathon and the only way you can do it is to buy a charity place then you should cough up the cash yourself. He has done 20 races and never once asked anyone else for any money.

In our household our rule is that we donate to a local charity shop and we donate money to 2 other national charities. Anything else is a confident NO unless it is a dress in your own clothes day at school, bring a pound etc.

Surely after xmas people have

Unwanted gifts
Old kids toys that have had their time
And time during dead week to tidy up

I do anyway ! And I agree the giving of unwanted gifts is a shame and a waste

Poor op though ! Has she even come back

It would be a perfect time to declutter after Xmas or if they have nothing to give surely they can sponsor a tenner? They sound a bit mean

OP has said that £10 isnt enough!

more will be required than relying on people chucking in £5-10.

SHe wants free use of the school for a bake sale, parents to give a contribution plus coming to buy stuff.
A free restaurant and people to come and pay to have a meal.
'donations' for her to sell.
Plus sponsorship for her run.

Just a bit more than bunging her a tenner!
I wouldnt have £10 to give to every tom dick and harry that wants sponsored for something anyway. If you want to do a marathon for charity then take whats offered and be grateful do not tell me I have to make/give several things for free plus give donations to enable you to do it.

Just be grateful that privacy and data protection laws now prevent parents from using the school email as their own personal database to flog their kitchen table business and fundraising activities. There was a time when I got direct emails from parents asking me for things having got my email address from the school!

Sorry, not entirely rtft but OP are you a runner or is this a new challenge? I run, my first couple of races I asked for sponsorship but after that people got bored because they knew I could do it. If you're a runner they may just think you're wanting them to fund your "dream." Regardless of whether you are a runner or not, so many people just dont appreciate the effort that goes into marathon training, it's a serious commitment.

Another problem I have is the amount you need to raise for charity. A fair chunk of that £1800 will be going to marathon organisers. Charities pay a much larger sum to get places than your average runners who went through the ballot would. Therefore, that £1800 won't all go to charity sadly.

All that being said, who doesn't want to rid the house of unwanted toys or clutter after Christmas? I feel your mum friends are being very odd, they're not directly shelling out & you'll be doing the hard work selling it all! I'd also stop giving for all the birthday gifts, they don't appear to be your friends really.

Good luck with the marathon!

I wouldn't sponsor anyone doing a marathon, but if you spent, say, a day of your weekend picking up litter in the area where I lived, I would probably make a contribution.

I agree with most people that you are expecting too much. I would hate to be pressured into donating goods or baking cakes.

I don't think YABU. I totally understand that people get charity fatigue, but you aren't asking for much and since it's important to you and they are your friends they ought to make a bit of an effort. I also don't think it's relevant that lots of people are broke at this time of year since you haven't asked for money. I would be annoyed too if it were me! Maybe you should vent some frustration with a Facebook post about how wonderful the community response has been and see if that shames them

Off topic, but I've never understood why people are so hell bent on doing the London marathon.

It's really hard to get into and too big so you end up walking about 5 miles to cross the start line.

There are plenty of smaller marathons across the UK, or even the world that are cheaper and better. For my first one I did Amsterdam. No ballot, a nice city that's cheaper and quicker for me to fly to than the train to London and no ridiculous crowds.

Heron - it's the kudos I think for being an event that attracts international runners and attention, in the capital city. Worth all the bunfight etc to get a place. It's a badge of honour for keen runners (and you'd have to be, to consider the LM!)

We choose three charities as a family every year and support them well rather than supporting lots of charities a little bit. It makes it easier to keep track of gift aid amounts and is just how we prefer to do our charity giving.

One of the charities we support most years runs a fashion show event that I always enjoy. You pay £5ish for a ticket and all that money goes to charity. There are usually buckets set up for change, tea and coffee stall, cake stall, craft stalls, etc that are also raising funds for the charity. The company that runs the fashion show element asks you to guarantee a certain amount of people will be in attendance and they make money on the sale of clothes. The clothes are clearance items from high street brands and usually are excellent bargains. It is a lovely night out.

Perhaps you would find more interest in something like that or something providing a service to others that would make their lives easier in some way.

lyra
Did you read what op wants her friends to do?
Not much?
Give donations to sell.
Bake cakes, hold a cake sale and buy other peoples cakes.
Pay for a meal out in a restaurant.
Oh and £5 - £10 isnt enough of a donation neither!

I would say thats asking a lot just so she can take the credit for running a marathon and 'raising' the money

Regardless of whether you are a runner or not, so many people just dont appreciate the effort that goes into marathon training, it's a serious commitment

I think people have a pretty good appreciation that training for a marathon is hard work. These days however it has lost its novelty as a ‘challenge’ so it does not solicit as many ‘oooohs’ and ‘aaaahs’ as it would have 20 years ago. It is also a bit shit these days that distance running is now seen as synonymous with ‘charadee’.

With the constant assault of junk mail charity requests falling on your doormat every other day, endless tv adverts asking you to text a donation, school cake sales, chuggers down the high street or knocking on your front door, work colleagues cornering you at your desk and now even sodding chip and pin machines hen pecking you for a donation you can be forgiven if your reaction to a donation request is a robust ‘will you all just fuck off’.