To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

But Laguna, do people literally give the money because you are doing a marathon? Would a sponsored litter pick work for example?

I would say I usually 'know' (and so get requests from) dozens of people running the London marathon for charity each year . There would typically be about 10 office wide just giving links sent each year alone.

“Shifty yes we could have donated £500 that this will probably cost us - but thats nowhere near the £1800 this will hopefully raise plus publicise the charity. ”

No no. You raise the £1800 because you want to support your charity, you publicise it, and you donate another £500 earmarked for travel. So the charity that’s so important to you gets £2300 plus as you’re not taking up a spot in the marathon for your own glory, they can get another £1800 for the spot you’ve given up.

You don’t seriously think people only sponsor you because you’ve decided to take part in a very well known race, do you? As opposed to the charity?

If you want to run a marathon, pay for it yourself.

And why would the school let you run a bake sale on their premises for your own charity? Surely if you're going to run one, it should be to support the school?

This might be a daft question but if you've got to raise say £2k to run a marathon why not just raise as much money as you can (adding to it what you'd have spent on expenses) to give it to the charity without running it.

Oh and if you really didn’t want to do all that work, the charity would still have an extra £500. They wouldn’t lose £1800 because someone else would take the spot.

Nobody's obliged to pay for you to run a marathon.

You're being very self-congratulatory.

If they want to "chuck £5-£10" at you, you should be grateful for it.

I wouldn't go to a night out in a restaurant so someone could run a marathon!!!

And as for involving the school with a cake sale, I know you said you won't do it but you're really crossing lines all over the place.

Set up a JG page, be grateful for what you get, and stop being so LOOK AT ME about raising money for something you chose to do.

I would imagine most of them probably know a lot of people running the marathon- you cant give to everyone.

I do t do any kind of sponsorship for anyone except my children and very close family. Maybe they’re like that

So many fundraisers going on. To be perfectly honest many mums I know just fundraise & bake / donante toys etc to the school fundraiser which they know will benefit their kids also.. Our school has many fundraisers, at least one a month so I think I would be a bit annoyed if I was asked to donate my time & ingredients to a fundraiser not related to my children, my family or the school. Sorry for being blunt & that is just my opinion. I would sponser family a line in a marathon but would definitly not be attending a set dinner or the like unless it was directly helping the kids school...

Yes - OP wants the school to donate space, time, etc for a bake sale and some random restaurant to donate their profits, and all her friends to give her all their stuff, all so she can look like Top Fundraiser.
Have you been reading too many proleporn mags, OP, and missed the point? All those 'community rallying round and raising thousands' things usually happen when the charity is someone's kid needing money for treatment abroad, or in memory of a local well-loved individual, not just some random who wants to show off.

Annechristmas
Because she wants to run the marathon.

Just sadly any time there is a popular fitness event the charity brigade turn up, get a monopoly on places and thrn make it bloody difficult for people who just want to run.

It's a weird mentality thing.
I did some long distance cycling a few years ago and every time we stopped people were asking us if we were raising money for charity / why weren't we raising money for charity. I couldn't be cycling because it happens to be my hobby, obviously.

I fancied doing an organised supported lands end to jihn o groats but the same sort of issues turn up if you don't do it with a cycle club.

Quite a few 10k runs have people asking for charity donations.

Half marathons and marathons are awful for such ridiculous fundraising stipulations.

Everything seems to be getting turned into a "way to fleece people" event. As a fitneas person it's really annoying.

Yellowmakesmesmile - I think most people would have a tin or packet of something they no longer want in their cupboard that they could spare for homeless young people if they could just be bothered to look. These are colleagues who all earn good salaries and live well and I was merely asking for an item they no longer wanted. I never ask people for money for any of the charitable work I do - just their time or old stuff they don't want. I have no connection with the charity I was fundraising for - it was Centrepoint for homeless young people - I just thought it would be something kind to do at xmas for the poor kids living rough. I paid for the hamper and lots of nice bits to go in it at a cost of about £35 to me - all I was asking then for was a measly old tin. Luckily there were a few generous souls and we raised over £120. Like you I also support animal charities too.

My DHs intention is to raise £1800 for Asthma UK. If people want to sponsor him by helping him get to this £1800 for this charity - be it through running the marathon or any other activity then thats the main thing surely, that he raises lots money, that will help other people. He's ran plenty of half and full marathons before, only one which has been for charity when he ran the Edinburgh marathon for a small local charity that struggles and his donation was a huge help. That makes me immensely proud of him.

Maybe they have already given whatever they feel they want to give to some other cause and don't feel like donating any more. I imagine your restaurant idea met with silence as nobody wants to engage in the chat in case they get drawn into organising some part of it. Maybe they thought it was another inroad by you into getting them involved personally when they don't want to be.

As for the cake sale etc, if you're expecting to sell cakes at school then you'd be better asking the school to help advertise it etc. Although usually these things done at/via the school are FOR the school funds. Not for a specific charity, unless it's child related charity maybe or has a very personal connection to the parent that people can resonate with.

You can ask, but if people aren't forthcoming in the way that you want maybe you should accept for their own reasons they can't or don't want to help/engage with it and find another route to raise money. That or a simple fundraising page rather than charity night, sale, cakes etc. It's all a bit specific. And requires more effort than click and donate.

I would never fund anyone to run a marathon. If I support the charity, I might donate to them direct - I would deliberately cut out the self indulgent middle person. You want to run a marathon - go ahead. You want to support a charity - put your own hand in your pocket, don't rinse your friends.

@LagunaBubbles how many hours is your DH putting into training? Quite likely your DH would be better off putting all the effort of training for his marathon into a second job and donating that money to your charity. Oh, less the ‘considerable’ expenses you are inciting because you want to do london rather than a local one.

OP doesn't seem to want to get the msg that s/he is coming across as grabby .... coming back to mention there are more 'irons in the fire' (ie ways to guilt other people into paying charity donations rather than using her/his time coming up with a personal budget to directly donate personally) shows that. OP, if you want to support the charity then support the damn charity - don't come up with endless ways to get other people to support it. The time you spend coming up with ways to get other people's money from them could be used giving your own bloody money.

He's lost money in the past by applying for the London Marathon before because it is so over subscribed as you don't get your money back if you don't get a place.

That is what my DH does if he cant get a ballot place for a marathon. He buys a charity spot and just makes the full donation himself (and his old employer used to match fund up to £500 so the charity got an extra £500)

That sounds fair enough - no need to badger others to try and virtue signal your hobby.

I am late 30s - it feels like in the last 12 months all my friends have suddenly discovered running a marathon and good for them but I am not going to pay for it - I consciously tithe a tenth of my income to charity - if people want life experiences my view is fund them yourselves.

As an aside, it really annoys me when people claim that “if so and so can afford private school then they can afford X, Y and Z too”. Yes, in all likelihood if someone can afford private school fees then they probably earn a decent salary but it doesn’t mean that they automatically have a high disposable income too. The majority of what would be our disposable income goes on school fees, therefore we no longer have a lots of cash to spend on other things.

Fluffywuffy. My DH works full time with children who are in care and and in second job as and when providing respite care for a family with a child with autism. He trains in his spare time and also goes to the gym. He wants to keep fit. He never wants to put on the 7 stone he lost again. (Which as he has a huge appetite would be so easy!) . He wants to stay healthy to see our boys grow up. He wants to repay his gratitude for the help he received to be the healthy person he is today. He sees running this marathon as a way if doing this to as well as raising money for others.

I plan carefully each tax year the charities I choose to donate to. Perhaps this is also true of your friends?

And where we live in Scotland doesn't really provide much opportunities for "local" marathons either.