To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

It still will raise money so thats all that matters. The £500 includes petrol costs to London and a hotel for 3 nights for me, DH and our 2 boys.
That's not on at all!

It's like people doing gap yah trips where they climb kilamanjaro for charity but actually 'for charity' means I'm raising money and your money covers my flights and expenses and anything else left goes to charity.

If someone wants me to sponsor them to do something like that they better be paying ALL their own expenses.

I do understand why people get annoyed at endless charity pushes.
I want to do the London Marathon. I will not do it because I don't agree with taking money from people for a ballot with such ridiculous odds and there is no way i will sign up with a charity expecting me to find thousands of pounds.

maisy you can enter the ballot and not pay. It doesn't affect your odds (they can prove this). I enter every year just on the odds. Also, depending on how fast you are, you may be able to get a Good for Age time- worth checking out the limits- that's guaranteed entry.

I’d rarely donate towards someone’s hobby/personal challenge costs. I don’t fund private school children doing World Challenge either. Running a marathon is a personal choice and should be self funded.

Someone constantly nagging for sponsorship or donations would be irritating. A parent competing with the schools own fundraising would be doubly irritating and most parents would avoid doing so. They’d sponsor children doing school events but the parent would have to be doing something incredible to open the wallets.

If all the places were allocated by ballot many people would fund raise anyway and the charities would probably still get as much money.

That said a London ballot place is very cheap- lots of marathons are much more expensive.

OP. You can sell the medal and raise more money for the charity. I sell by DHs on eBay- got £150 for an NYC one.

Johnnycomelately1
That's worth knowing. Friends of mine who'd entered felt that you had to pay.

If all the places were allocated by ballot many people would fund raise anyway and the charities would probably still get as much money
Not only that but smaller charities would probably do a bit better.
There's an amazing charity in my region supporting families who have childreb with SEN. They have been wonderful for so many pupils.
I know if I fundraised for them, I be able to raise so much more than Oxfam. People in our area really back local causes that they see having an impact on local people.

I think it's telling that these friends were introduced as 'mums at school', 'parents', 'school mum friends' and only later did the Op write 'I consider these women to be my friends'. That's not to say they aren't friends, but I would wonder less if they were called friends categorically.

YABU for writing "disinterested" when you mean "uninterested".

I do agree it is unreasonable to expect someone else to fund expenses (travel, hotel) & even more unreasonable, family expenses. Even my sister, who is a student, paid her own entry fee. Make it explicit in all your communication in person & online that YOU will meet ALL the costs of taking part and 100% of the money raised will go to the charity.

YABU for writing "disinterested" when you mean "uninterested".

In fairness the people in question are both.

I normally don't mind, and I will give friends £5-£10 for their charity things, but I did once have a modern Mother Teresa stop talking about her various good deeds to ask me what I did for charity. Answering monthly standing orders got me an eyeroll.

I thought perhaps I might stop donating to other people's half marathons, dry Januarys, sponsored moustache growing, etc, etc, and in a couple of years I'd have saved up the money to be able to anonymously sponsor myself to do something stupid like not shave my legs for a month and magically raise a big chunk for charity. Then I've done my bit, you see, and can finally hold my head up among all the marathon runners and jungle trekkers.

^^

YABU for writing "disinterested" when you mean "uninterested".

Oh who cares. I have a first in English lit but accused someone of being 'unthoughtful' the other day.

Oh, it is a word 😊

My kids are at state school but have been at private before -

Some people are heavily in debt keeping up with school fees

Some mums don't work - and even if they want to don't have £ to contribute.

YANBU to ask but YABU to be upset that people aren't. This is a big deal to you but other people may have much bigger things going on.

Op your methods of fundraising sound annoying and seems like you feel they owe it to you to donate. That is how you are coming across and I can see why everyone has given this a swerve.

For those who care about such things:

www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/disinterested-versus-uninterested

OP you sound like a pain in the arse to be honest. People have their own shit going on, they don't want to be involved with yours too.

One of my colleagues is constantly fundraising and everyone is always pressured into bringing in this and bringing in that, attend this, attend that - it's tiring. If I wanted to be involved in this stuff I would be already.

OP - you are not running the London marathon for charity, you are running it for yourself! There are many more efficient ways to raise money for charity, such as sticking your hand in your pocket and donating. Your fitness regime is incidental. What comes across with all your messages to other parents (I will not call them 'friends') is that it is all about you! No, they don't want to go to all the effort of collecting and making stuff for you to get the credit. Your virtue-signalling has been rumbled! Suggest you try doing something for other people without letting ANYONE know. Reading your post reminded me of a couple of episodes of Motherland.

OP's long gone. Either having a rethink or moaning elsewhere about how lazy and selfish everyone is for not admiring her and bending over backwards to support her wonderfulness.

LagunaBubbles I can't believe you're expecting others to fund a little jolly for your family to London

But yeah, it's "all about the charity" and DH is soooooo selfless.

I am quite sure in one of Lagunas first posts she did say they were paying the £500 outlay and fundraising for the £1800 charity fee/donation

But if you can raise £1800 and you have £500 to cover costs, you could give the £1800 direct to the charity and save yourself £500 and both parties would be better off. Or give the £500 to charity and save yourself and your friends the cost and bother of fundraising.

But because it's not actually just about the money but the promotion on one side and hobby/experience on the other, it's acceptable.

I just think people should be very explicit when they're fundraising so that their sponsors/bakers/diners/jumble shoppers know what's happening.

Laguna is paying the £500 for the trip to London, the fundraising is for the charity place which is separate so no one else is paying for the family jolly to London.

A lot of large charities are quite ruthless as seen with the London Marathon, chuggers and beware leaving a charity something in your Will as you will be hounded endlessly for the money and have to get the highest price for any chattels so the charity doesn’t lose out.

Aside from the hobby/experience angle. Its not modern etiquette for everyone to reply to a mass message.

For example a friend of mine put a mass message on a small group we're in that shes getting rid of her pram and do any of her friends want it before she gumtrees it. She wont be ecpecting 25 alerts that all say "no thank you". You only reply to mass group messages if you have something useful to contribute to the question or if youre interested im whats being offered etc.

So its not rude of them to not reply to a mass message about your fund raising if theyre not intetested