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AIBU?

AIBU to be upset at husband for taking naked pics whilst asleep

203 replies

scoobysu · 03/01/2018 19:45

Married for 10 years with two young daughters (under 4). DH is a fantastic Dad, caring husband and we are very happy. That was until Monday when I found naked pictures of myself that he had taken when I was asleep or not looking (without consent) and emailed them to himself from his phone. I am so upset and spent last night crying myself to sleep. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I will ever be able to trust him again but I also don’t want to break up my family as until now we have been very happy. What should I do? I confronted him and he has been very upset and apologied repeatedly and is begging for another chance. He said it was a huge mistake but I have found a photo dating back to 2015 so I think this has been going on for a while. I feel totally sick and betrayed but I don’t know if I am overreacting by being so upset. AIBU? What would you do?

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

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Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 22:03

OP, if he has capable of doing this, he is capable of doing the same as @jaseyraex 's ex (assault while you're drunk/asleep). It's the next logical step for men who think this is ok.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/01/2018 22:05

Maybe he is just a man who loves your body

Did I really just read this?

JaneEyre70 · 03/01/2018 22:05

I meant that comment for the OPs protection, not to make her feel that it's her fault in any way. I'm not blaming her for one second, and isn't the whole point that she doesn't feel safe in her own home?

Another thought OP, if he wanted them for personal use, he would have kept them on his phone. Why did he need to email them to himself? For viewing elsewhere or sharing.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/01/2018 22:07

@Mustardnowletsnotbesilly it makes him a sex offender. It's not ok to take naked pictures of another person without their consent, no matter how much you may love their body or how stupid you are.

TheDoorMat · 03/01/2018 22:07

Well, I took a picture of my partner sleeping naked when we first met. We were on holiday, sunlight coming through the balcony Windows, although butt naked her arms covered her boobs partially and the duvet hid the furry bits!! Didn't tell her, then forgot!! She had the film developed and saw it before me...lol called me a perv and showed it her mother who laughed. 20yrs later the picture is in her sentimental box and secretly I think she likes it and I'm glad I took it.
This however seems completely different. If the OP husband had showed it her then I'd think fair enough, but having read what happened If were the OP I think I'd insist he engaged in professional therapy/etc. She needs to understand why he did it and he needs to understand what drove him to do it.
Yes, it is a little creepy but I do think many of the posters are braying for blood!!
I'd insist he either packs his bags or seeks professional help.

GingerbreadMa · 03/01/2018 22:08

"Men are really stupid sometimes"
Concent is really NOT that hard a concept to grasp.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 03/01/2018 22:11

AssassinatedBeauty I didn't say it was okay but its not as simple as you make out. Not for the OP anyway.

geekone · 03/01/2018 22:12

No no it's at best weird and creepy. I mentioned to my husband just discussing what I was reading and he thought it was a disgusting thing to do. There is a line and he kept over it. I couldn't live with him anymore sorry OP

geekone · 03/01/2018 22:12

Lept not kept

Sevendown · 03/01/2018 22:15

I felt sick in my stomach reading that op.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

Iwantedtrianglesnotsquares · 03/01/2018 22:15

My ex did this. Unfortunately I didn’t leave him when I found out- it was another couple of years later we split. It is a complete violation and it is a horrible feeling when you find out.
LTB

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 03/01/2018 22:16

Concent is really NOT that hard a concept to grasp. No its not but maybe he just didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Maybe he was just stupid enough to not think about the issue of consent. Hence my point for the OP to consider being a nob rather than an evil pervert.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 03/01/2018 22:18

Stupidity isn’t an excuse.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 22:18

He didn't think there was anything wrong with it but conveniently never mentioned to his wife that the pictures were on his mobile or that he emailed them?

Seriously, fuck off with your minimisation. You're clearly male.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 22:19

Not too stupid to keep quiet was he?

GingerbreadMa · 03/01/2018 22:23

. "No its not but maybe he just didn't think there was anything wrong with it"

Oh ffs. If he thought it was koshir he wouldnt have kept it secret for years and wouldnt have been upset at being caught

And if youre claiming that he genuinely just didnt see the big deal, well a man who doesnt see consent as important is not a man i would want around

AbsMcGraw · 03/01/2018 22:24

Try not to read too much into this. My husband and I regularly do this without the other's consent or knowledge. I have never put it down to anything more than how attractive we find each other. He looks gorgeous when he's asleep naked; I love having such pics of him and I know he'd be flattered to know I have so many as well as the reason behind it.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 03/01/2018 22:25

I'm not male, I just don't think its as simple as you all seem to think it is. I really hope it works out okay for you OP whatever you decide to do. Its a big leap from what he has done to some of the things other posters are suggesting. Now cantuccit I will happily fuck off.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 22:25

Absgraw if he does it without your knowledge how come you know about it?

Fuck me, there are some weirdos crawling out the woodwork tonight.

KendalMintCakey · 03/01/2018 22:27

Huge hugs xxx How does this make you feel? What do you want to do? I hope you find some peace and answers soon. Things will get better x xx If you ever want to talk... x

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 03/01/2018 22:29

Cantuccit I think Abs is being sarcastic???? Now definitely Fucking off...

jaseyraex · 03/01/2018 22:30

AbsMcGraw you and your husband have obviously discussed at some point that it's okay to do this otherwise you wouldn't know he does it. It's a bit different from stumbling across multiple naked photos of yourself dating back years and having no idea how or why they are there.

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Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 22:31

@Mustard my sarcasm radar must be way off

AnyFucker · 03/01/2018 22:32

Actually, jane has a point

Op is clearly going to stay with this deviant.

So, safety is the way to go. I suggest she and her daughters sleep in one room with the door deadbolted, blackout blinds on the windows and they take it in shifts to sleep

They must never eat or drink anything that they haven't made themselves and never leave a glass/plate unattended.

A separate bathroom, if there is not one already, must be built. It must be of reinforced concrete with the same doorlock/ blackout as the bedroom.

I recommend op and her daughters visit the local leisure centre to bathe on a daily basis. Head to toe clothing must be worn at all times.

That might do it, luck prevailing. Have I missed anything ?

catbasilio · 03/01/2018 22:37

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