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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Patient is annoying me- am I obliged to say hi?

196 replies

user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 18:40

I am a health care professional( think optician) although not actually optician.
Six months ago I saw a patient.
This patient had mental health problems and said he often suffers from psychotic episodes triggered by cannabis use.
After this I saw this patient on a few occasions in the Caffè Nero on the high Street where I work in my lunch hour and the patient would say hi which I would reply to.

However after this I seemed to be seeing this man every single time in the coffee shop. The patient would then try to make conversation after saying hi.
I am getting increasingly fed up of this man and really do not wish to say hello to him anymore. But am worried that I am being unreasonable?

On the last couple of occasions I have not responded to his hello but he still persists in saying hello until I respond?
Last week I refused to respond despite repeated hellos and since then he no longer says hello but stares a very intimidating stare everytime he sees me on the high Street / in the coffee shop?
I am feeling really anxious about seeing him as I do see him twice a week?
Was I unreasonable to not want to respond to his hello and what can I do now when I see him and he stares unpleasantly??

OP posts:
2cats2many · 03/01/2018 18:41

Go to a different coffee shop.

Nctothisfornow · 03/01/2018 18:45

How do you feel if other patients say hi to you?

I think yab a bit u. Its not hard to say hi. You dont need to stop for mindless chit chat, just say youre busy.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 18:52

He probably thinks you are odd for not saying hi! I see some people a lot in passing-those I share lunchtime breaks with who happen to be getting drinks/snacks at the same time as me, dog walkers who take their dogs out on the same routine. We always say hi, bad/nice weather etc in passing. These are people I don't "know" so maybe your ex patient thought it would be nice to make small talk in passing as you are acquainted? I say hello to my GP and chiropractor if I see them in the street. How hard is it to say hi and walk past or brush off conversation with a "can't talk now! Must get back to work! Take care, bye!". I think YABU.

Bumsnetnetbums · 03/01/2018 18:53

Seems a bit stalky to me. I would go somewhere else. As it is he makes a point of going where you go. I wouldnt acknowledge or encourage him at all.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 18:54

Also, twice a week doesn't seem that often if you frequent the same place for lunch or live in the same area?

Badhairday1001 · 03/01/2018 18:54

I don't see a problem with saying hello to him if it's just a random meeting. I'm a teacher and would say hello to parents or children if I saw them out and about, but thankfully it doesn't happen much. If you think that he is deliberately hanging around the coffee shop to speak to you then obviously you have no obligation to engage with him and are doing the right thing in trying to keep a proffessional distance. I would be polite but firm and say hello and if he tries to start a conversation just say you would like some time on your own and you don't want to talk to anybody during your lunch. Hopefully he will get the message but if he hasn't already from you refusing to say hello then you may have to start avoiding the coffee shop.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 18:57

I'd think you were really really weird if I said hello and you just sat there, point blank ignoring me.

Fair enough not to want to talk to him, but no acknowledgement at all?

Very rude and probably very confusing for him.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 18:59

And what do his mental health problems have to do with this?

That's confusing too as you haven't explained.

monkeywithacowface · 03/01/2018 19:00

Ignoring him was rude and I think unnecessary and you have turned an irritating situation into something more uncomfortable. Personally if I was that bothered by it I would have changed my habits for a while and gone to a different shop at a different time. Or just said "hi" and walked away.

Nctothisfornow · 03/01/2018 19:01

It made me think that because of his mental health problems and use of cannabis that OP doesnt want to associate with him.
Thats the impression i got anyway worra hence my question of how she feels if other patients say hi. Otherwise those snippets of information are irrelevant

CauliflowerSqueeze · 03/01/2018 19:01

Be on your phone when you see him. Then you can just nod and give a brief smile and walk off, deep in conversation with your imaginary pal.

BulletFox · 03/01/2018 19:01

I'd say hi then move along.

MorningCuppa · 03/01/2018 19:04

I can’t see why you wouldn’t say hi, I think your being unreasonable.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 19:05

Hmm I've never known a cannabis user admit their mental health problems are triggered by it.

Either way, if the OP doesn't want to chat that's fair enough.

Ignoring a 'hello' is childish and ignorant imo.

Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:05

Yes,bumsnet this is what worries me that he deliberately seems to go wherever I go on Wednesday lunchtime. Even if I avoid the coffee shop and just browse the shops I will always happen to see him in a shop? I could be imagining it but I am seeing him too many times for it to be just a coincidence??

OP posts:
ColonelJackONeil · 03/01/2018 19:07

When you say you see him twice a week do you mean professionally?

BulletFox · 03/01/2018 19:08

user at least it's in public in a coffee shop. Try to block it out.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 19:10

No Colonel, she said ex patient so she just sees him twice a week in passing-which I don't think is odd or a lot?
He may well be seeking the OP out, but from what she has written I can't see anything that suggests stalking or overly odd behaviour.
Is he in the shops when you arrive OP?

WelcomeToThePartyPal · 03/01/2018 19:10

I re-read your OP 10 times and still couldn't understand why you worked at Costa in your lunch hour...Blush

Ignore me.

sonjadog · 03/01/2018 19:11

Does he want to talk to you or is he just saying "Hi"? If the former, can you do a vague smile and focus elsewhere (e.g. turn to read your paper/phone). Make it clear that you don´t want to enter into a conversation with him without actually being rude. Try that at first and see if it works. If he still doesn't get it, then maybe you need to tell him directly that you don´t socialize with clients.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 19:12

Welcome I thought that too at first Grin

ThunderboltsLightning · 03/01/2018 19:13

He could be stalking you, then again he could just have a similar routine to you. When i want to avoid seeing people, I will go somewhere different. For instance, is there a public library or a different coffee shop you can go to?

If he starts regularly turning up there too then you'll have your answer but until then, he could just like cafe nero.

Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:15

No, not professionally I have seen him only once professionally. I see him twice a week on my lunch break. In response to worra, yes he was quite open about his psychosis which he says is totally his own fault as a result of cannabis use.
To all the posts saying how hard is it to say hi, I do agree that a simple hello is not hard to do. However I stopped wanting to say hello as it is just becoming too much for me seeing him so frequently and being forced to acknowledge him

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:16

Also why should I be forced to say hello to a random person who I've only seen as a patient once if I don't want to???

OP posts:
MissTeri · 03/01/2018 19:17

If you happened to bump into another patient frequently would you put it down to coincidence? Is it purely because this person disclosed they have mental health problems that you're assuming they're somewhat stalking you?