Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Patient is annoying me- am I obliged to say hi?

196 replies

user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 18:40

I am a health care professional( think optician) although not actually optician.
Six months ago I saw a patient.
This patient had mental health problems and said he often suffers from psychotic episodes triggered by cannabis use.
After this I saw this patient on a few occasions in the Caffè Nero on the high Street where I work in my lunch hour and the patient would say hi which I would reply to.

However after this I seemed to be seeing this man every single time in the coffee shop. The patient would then try to make conversation after saying hi.
I am getting increasingly fed up of this man and really do not wish to say hello to him anymore. But am worried that I am being unreasonable?

On the last couple of occasions I have not responded to his hello but he still persists in saying hello until I respond?
Last week I refused to respond despite repeated hellos and since then he no longer says hello but stares a very intimidating stare everytime he sees me on the high Street / in the coffee shop?
I am feeling really anxious about seeing him as I do see him twice a week?
Was I unreasonable to not want to respond to his hello and what can I do now when I see him and he stares unpleasantly??

OP posts:
BulletFox · 03/01/2018 19:18

If you really don't want to, just don't.

Personally I feel a hello is ok but just blank any attempts at further conversation.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 19:20

It's twice a week Confused

No-one's saying you should be forced to say hello

But to ignore him completely while the poor bloke keeps saying hello, is akin to a toddler putting their fingers in their ears and repeating "LALALALA".

Grow up.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/01/2018 19:21

When he has made conversation with you, does that come to a natural end, or do you have to suggest you are working? Ie, does he take the hint?

Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:22

Also he does not just say hi, he then attempts to talk further after hi.
I have politely tried to make it so clear that I don't want to engage further but he will not stop
As I said earlier now he has stopped saying hi but just keeps staring and today in the coffee shop deliberately walked past my table five times in the course of 20 minutes to intimidate me.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 03/01/2018 19:22

I can see why this would make you uncomfortable. Do you think he is stalking you or is it a coincidence? If he is deliberately seeking you out I think you need to tell someone for your own sake in case it escalates.
Just because he was your patient it doesn’t mean you owe him a relationship of any description outside of work.
I would change coffee shop for your own safety and see what happens.

Nctothisfornow · 03/01/2018 19:23

I possibly get what you mean.
There is a woman i pass daily on the school run. Because it was daily it went from not acknowledging, to a smile and then to a hi.
Now i think we would both rather not say hi in passing but it feels like it needs to be done since it started.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 19:24

Agree with Worra.

I just don't get it. If you don't want to say hi then don't, but it's a bit childish and silly really. Especially as you have seen them in a professional capacity. It's twice a week, he isn't sitting outside your work waiting for you.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 19:24

He's mentally ill.

You've probably confused him by going from saying hello, to completely ignoring him with no explanation.

I'd find another coffee shop if I were you.

Nctothisfornow · 03/01/2018 19:25

Why do you keep going back there, if it bothers you so much though?

GardenGeek · 03/01/2018 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 19:26

If you DO feel threatened and things escalate then obviously you need to take action to avoid this guy and speak to the police if necessary.

Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:26

Yes gamerwidow you are spot on, I feel that he feels that I owe him a relationship albeit just saying hello and chatting briefly, just because he was a patient of mine although just ONCE

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 19:26

OP is clearly feeling intimidated.

Not sure why people are urging you to go against your instincts, which is to stay clear of this man.

Seems a woman still has to place the hurt feelings of a creepy man forcing her to acknowledge him, over her own feelings of unease.

OP, YANBU. At all.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/01/2018 19:27

So you can't say Hi, nice weather for the time of year, then indicate you have to do some work? He wouldn't take the hint?

pictish · 03/01/2018 19:28

Trust your instinct. If I was saying hi to someone who blanked me, I'd write them off as a rude prick and not bother my backside greeting them again. I think most people would be the same. The fact that he is being persistent about getting your attention, staring at you and so on, despite the fact that you've made it clear his greeting is essentially unwanted, speaks volumes. He is focusing on you. Why, I don't know...but you are right to be wary, just as your gut is telling you.

Tablefor4 · 03/01/2018 19:29

No SpongeBob - it appears that he does not take the hint. OP has tried and is now feeling uncomfortable

weedoogie · 03/01/2018 19:29

I think he sounds a bit stalky. It would be polite to say hello to him when you bump into him but if he insists on trying to start a conversation when you have made it clear that you don't want to then he is being stalky by staring at you and walking past you frequently. I would definitely change my coffee shop and routine for a while

If it happens again then I would say to him that you're really sorry but he's making you feel uncomfortable and you would rather that he didn't talk to you. Be polite and calm. That would put a clear, unambiguous marker down and if he continued then you could report him. I would also make a note on his patient record (bearing in mind as you word it that he has a right to access his notes). Certainly bring it to the attention of the practice owner/manager

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 19:29

Seems a woman still has to place the hurt feelings of a creepy man forcing her to acknowledge him, over her own feelings of unease.

Oh do turn it in.

The OP has gone from saying hello to completely ignoring someone, with no explanation.

The 'hurt' feelings are probably simple confusion and wondering what he's done wrong.

If this was a school mum at the gate, everyone would be clambering to scream 'bully'.

Emmageddon · 03/01/2018 19:29

It sounds like he's stalking you. Change your routine for a few weeks. Take a friend with you when you go for a coffee. If he continues to pay you unwanted attention, then you need to get some advice. It may be that because you showed him some compassion regarding his mental health difficulties, he feels a connection with you that doesn't actually exist.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 03/01/2018 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weedoogie · 03/01/2018 19:30

You also have the right to refuse to see him professionally. Make a written note of your reasons.

Original poster
user1471556443 · 03/01/2018 19:32

Yes cantuccit this is exactly right that I feel that maybe I am unreasonable when I am feeling unease about this contact when really why should I be the one to be feeling bad and why should I have to ignore my unease and instincts just to protect his feelings? I do limit visits to the coffee shop but I feel really annoyed about why I should have to change my routine???
Also even when I don't go to the coffee shop I will always see him somewhere on the high Street? I have been accosted by him also in whsmith and other random shops etc??

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/01/2018 19:33

He could have been going to the cafe just as frequently prior to meeting the op so it's difficult to say if it's a coincidence. The op just wouldn't have noticed him prior to meeting him at work.

Op, it won't be the only coffee shop on the high street, if you feel that uncomfortable them go elsewhere and see

Nicknacky · 03/01/2018 19:33

....what happens.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 19:34

Worra, I'm surprised that you can't see that this man is going where he thinks OP will be. Wednesday lunchtimes at the coffee shop and in the shops OP frequents.

He has somehow fixated on OP. And he is not satisfied with a simple hello, he tried to draw OP into conversations.

I sympathise with his MH problems (my DB is paranoid schizophrenic) but it is not OP's responsibility to put her feelings of unease aside and ignore his intimidating looks, to make this man feel better.

Swipe left for the next trending thread