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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think drunk new parent is selfish

194 replies

Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 18:29

These are some friends of mine but wanted to know AIBU thinking this is selfish:
Both parents really do 50/50 , bottle feeding and what not. Dad works nights full time and mum works week times. And with one parents round the corner.
Baby is less that 2 months old (6 weeks I think ) and the mum went out drinking with friends and doesn't get back until 7am (thr grandmother looking after the baby whilst the dad is at work) but she has to go to work to.
SOOOOOO the dad is left there after a night shift having to look after a drunk/hungover woman and a new baby. I said to her I thought it was selfish and she had a big go at me about it ! I'm a new mum myself so it's not like I don't "get it "
Was I being unreasonable thinking she was selfish ?? Xxx

OP posts:
ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 03/01/2018 18:31

Honestly struggling to understand why this is any of your business.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/01/2018 18:32

You're too judgemental.

LokiBear · 03/01/2018 18:36

You are going to get flamed on here, op. However, Id be a bit Hmm about either new parent going out and getting drunk at that point in their new parenthood. I'd be particularly worried about the mum because it is unusual and I'd worry about pnd.

BikeRunSki · 03/01/2018 18:38

Not your circus, not your monkeys

AlexaDoTheDishes · 03/01/2018 18:40

It's got fuck all to do with you

27yorkshiregirl · 03/01/2018 18:41

Jesus, absolutely nothing to do with you!!!! Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's for you to judge. Baby was well looked after, not at risk. Husband may have been totally ok with looking after baby after a night shift. If not it's for them to deal with as a couple!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2018 18:41

I'd probably think she made a misjudgment based on having not had a drink in months. One which she probably won't make again.

A friend of a friend ended up getting her stomach pumped in similar circumstances and her breasts let down during the procedure. Much judgement. But it was just an issue because she hadn't gone out for months. She didn't have a 'problem'.

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 18:42

Glad you're not one of my friends. Sticky beak.

Pengggwn · 03/01/2018 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortiaCastis · 03/01/2018 18:43

None of your business

SilverySurfer · 03/01/2018 18:45

Absolutely none of your business, put your judgey pants away and get on with your own life. You now have one less friend I would imagine.

userabcname · 03/01/2018 18:47

I think it's fine. I know lots of new dads who go on their first night out when babies are a lot younger (DH went on a bloody stag weekend when DS was 4 weeks). That never seems to raise eyebrows so I don't see why new mums shouldn't enjoy themselves either. After all, they've had 9 months of pregnancy and labour and delivery to get through - I'd say they deserve a night off much more!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/01/2018 18:48

Its only unfair if she won't do the same for him.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/01/2018 18:49

Well my 3rd baby was just over a week old at Christmas and I didn’t go out by I certainly enjoyed my Christmas & New Years drinks at home. Yes my dh agreed he would do the majority of the childcare the following day so I could have some drinks with my family, that is what we as a couple decided.

Not all women need months to recover from birth, not all mothers want to sit in every night with baby. There is no rule to say you must never go out and enjoy yourself just becuase you are a new Mum.

Yabu, it’s really nothing to do with you. If you wouldn’t do it fair enough but that doesn’t mean you have to judge others

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/01/2018 18:50

I’m amazed she had the stamina for it. Is she really back in work 6 weeks after giving birth?

boredofmyoldname · 03/01/2018 18:54

YABU.

twattymctwatterson · 03/01/2018 18:55

I wouldn't be friends for long with someone who made comments like that to me

gluteustothemaximus · 03/01/2018 18:56

Maybe it’s a one off. Maybe they discussed it first. Maybe she didn’t mean to get that drunk. Who knows.

But you can’t judge someone based on one incident. Mums feel guilty enough as it is, without being called selfish (by a friend).

I wouldn’t go out, and never left mine that little, but that’s my choice. Also, you can’t get pissed when you’re breastfeeding. But, granny is there all night, and I’m sure mum won’t be completely out of action all day, just a bit worse for wear.

The only person who has a right/opinion on this, is her partner. It’s between them.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 03/01/2018 18:58

Unless the person in charge of the baby was unsuitable, it's none of your business.

It's not a choice that I'd make but after 9 months of pregnancy it's good to let loose.

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 18:59

She went out and enjoyed herself? Leaving the baby with a biological relative and then its own father?! What a bitch Hmm

I doubt she needed “looking after” the next day, surely she just lay there in a pool of pity and vomit, sobbing quietly into her pillow like the rest of us?

YABVU ok, I wouldn’t personally have gone out, but then again I didn’t have the choice due to breast-feeding and inability to express, so as long as the baby was clearly being well looked after, what is the problem? Maybe her baby sleeps through the night (all mine did from 4 weeks) maybe her DH and Mum encouraged her to after having done such a wonderful thing of providing their baby/grandkid and they wanted her to celebrate? Maybe she felt guilty about it, but it was a special occasion? Maybe a happy mum has an unutterable value to a very young child

I hope she had a fabulous time and I raise my virtual glass of congrats to her Gin

WinnieFosterTether · 03/01/2018 18:59

You don't 'get it' and you had an absolute cheek to call her 'selfish'. HTH

Glitterspy · 03/01/2018 19:01

Wow you judged someone and then called them selfish? I'm struggling to imagine a situation where that would be acceptable or even relevant. Is she your twin sister?

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 03/01/2018 19:02

Adequate care was in place for the baby. Mum is an adult so it’s her decision as to whether she has a drink. Dad is an adult and therefore old enough to say yes or no to looking after his hungover wife.
You’re being very judgemental and it is bugger all to do with you.

Original poster
Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 19:05

Sorry guys! The only reason I mention this is because both were bitching to me via FB messenger about it and I said that!
He didn't know he'd be looking after baby after 12 hour shift. He doesn't drink
She thought he could handle it and that she did it before the baby and why stop?

Yeah I know it's a tad judgy but when you have both nattering in each ear it's hard not to! X

OP posts:
hollowtree · 03/01/2018 19:05

It was my birthday 19 days after my DD was born and I went out dancing! I had 3 cocktails and the taxi driver who picked us up wouldn't look at me when I said "I can't wait to get the baby from mum's in the morning!". He made me feel really shit and awful about myself for going out.

Same as him- keep your nose out!