To think drunk new parent is selfish

[Leslieknope123]

These are some friends of mine but wanted to know AIBU thinking this is selfish:
Both parents really do 50/50 , bottle feeding and what not. Dad works nights full time and mum works week times. And with one parents round the corner.
Baby is less that 2 months old (6 weeks I think ) and the mum went out drinking with friends and doesn't get back until 7am (thr grandmother looking after the baby whilst the dad is at work) but she has to go to work to.
SOOOOOO the dad is left there after a night shift having to look after a drunk/hungover woman and a new baby. I said to her I thought it was selfish and she had a big go at me about it ! I'm a new mum myself so it's not like I don't "get it "
Was I being unreasonable thinking she was selfish ?? Xxx

Document what?

Parent arranges childcare and has night out?

*But actually, if the Health Visitor came round for the 6 week check and knew about this, it would at the very least be documented. It’s less than ideal and that’s a fact.
Seriously? A woman goes out leaving her child with it’s other parent and that’s somehow going to raise an alert with a health visitor?

'But actually, if the Health Visitor came round for the 6 week check and knew about this, it would at the very least be documented.'

That the mother went out? Bullshit. Documented where, the Virtue Signalling Rulebook? 'Mother went out, left baby with grandparent. Child then left with father.'

I used to work nights and I didn't come in and go straight to bed. Why would I? I didn't when I go off at 5, either. I stayed up a good 5 hours or so.

In your OP you say she works week days and he works nights. But now she doesn't work at all? Still deserves a night out every now and again though.

Oh my God! Documented by the Health Visitor! What will she ever do?!

Seriously OP wind your neck in. She's allowed a night out is she not? Can't feel too sorry for the husband either. Having to look after his own child. The horror.

I'm more shocked that she's back at work at six weeks.

That's insane in my eyes. Totally insane.

It’s not that simple is it though Pantpot.

A parent of a 6 week old could arrange childcare and pop to a friends house for a couple of hours for a brew. Or go to the cinema or the gym.

Or a parent could arrange childcare go out all night get absolutely shitfaced and rock up at 7 in the morning.

Blimey no wonder Heath Visitors are overworked JustVent. They even have to monitor situations where a dad is in control of an infant

I think op sounds quite reasonable as she asks the question of us, I just personally think that her actions are unreasonable

As a new mum, it would have been unfathomable for me to go out all night, so I understand OPs confusion, however, I personally wouldn’t begrudge it of someone else (v good comparison to the rule for new dads “wetting the baby’s head”)

When I have grandkids I’m going to force their parents to both go out, as early as possible, so I can have them all to myself for the night

Or a parent could arrange childcare go out all night get absolutely shitfaced and rock up at 7 in the morning

And? Are you under the impression that it's illegal?

Went out 2 weeks post partum after my 2nd. I played martyr with my first and didn’t leave him until he was one. Was completely pointless and just made me miserable. I’m planning on going on a wild hen do a month-6 weeks after this one is born

But actually, if the Health Visitor came round for the 6 week check and knew about this, it would at the very least be documented. It’s less than ideal and that’s a fact

That's not a fact

That's bullshit.

I’m not getting into a row.

I know first hand what gets documented and what doesn’t.
It doesn’t have to be ‘illegal’ to be documented.

You did read the word ‘documented’ and not ‘reported’, right?

I can’t be arsed with a row so I’m off to watch Netflix.

'I can’t be arsed with a row so I’m off to watch Netflix.'

Of course you are, because you know you've spouted utter bollocks.

I’m a health care professional and can’t imagine what they’d even document in that circumstance. ‘Mum went out with friends. Seems happy and relaxed with lots of family support’

Steely yes I guess they would write it like that, and perhaps my experience was only of those who had been out a lot. It meant more visits from the HV team as well.

HV have huge and complex caseloads,inc safeguarding. This isn’t a thing.honestly
A mum out once,whilst baby safe at home with dad is not a significant concern
Out of interest were will it be noted and discussed?the mums out on the lash dept?

BikeRunSki

Best expression-sooo staling that!!!

She went out once for goodness sake. They recommend you get out and about and have time away from your baby if you have PND! You’re talking about issues with safeguarding, not a Mum having a child free evening.

Steely yes I guess they would write it like that

So, documented as a positive then.

But actually, if the Health Visitor came round for the 6 week check and knew about this, it would at the very least be documented. It’s less than ideal and that’s a fact.

What a load of total, utter, bollocks, sorry.
Documented? For what? Baby left in the capable hands of a grandparent overnight, and then in the care of the parents the next day?
So, well looked after at all times then.
Don't new mums have enough to worry about/guilt trip themselves about without so called friends being judgemental twats?
I tell ya, Dad's don't get all this shit if they decide they want to go out for a bit, do they? Why's that then?
Oh that's right, because if you don't surgically attach yourself to your baby at all times and martyr yourselves you're shit and doing it all wrong.
Each to their own. Nothing at all to do with you,calling her selfish was nasty.

justvent nonsense, I’m a HV (I know, boo hiss!) and I wouldn’t have ‘documented’ anything of the sort. We discuss socialisation etc. but neither I, nor anyone else could give a tiny rat’s ass that mum has been on a night out & left her baby with what is presumably a suitable carer unless of course she was doing it every night!

OP you specifically said that mum works week times and then said she doesn’t work, which is it? Either way, tell your friends to have this conversation between themselves, it’s not a game of piggy in the middle.

I'm impressed by her stamina! I couldn't stay out until 7am 8 years after giving birth.

But yes, you are being judgy and sexist. You wouldn't have batted an eyelid if it was the father.

My HV encouraged me to go for a weekend away with friends when dc1 was a baby. I didn’t go in the end, but she definitely thought going out was a good thing for a stressed, new mum.