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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think drunk new parent is selfish

194 replies

Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 18:29

These are some friends of mine but wanted to know AIBU thinking this is selfish:
Both parents really do 50/50 , bottle feeding and what not. Dad works nights full time and mum works week times. And with one parents round the corner.
Baby is less that 2 months old (6 weeks I think ) and the mum went out drinking with friends and doesn't get back until 7am (thr grandmother looking after the baby whilst the dad is at work) but she has to go to work to.
SOOOOOO the dad is left there after a night shift having to look after a drunk/hungover woman and a new baby. I said to her I thought it was selfish and she had a big go at me about it ! I'm a new mum myself so it's not like I don't "get it "
Was I being unreasonable thinking she was selfish ?? Xxx

OP posts:
JustVent · 03/01/2018 19:49

In my experience it’s put on System One.

But what do I know? All I do isn’t talk bollocks and must have witnessed bollocks. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Aisforahole · 03/01/2018 19:50

At that early stage mum should be at home nursing baby.

Pengggwn · 03/01/2018 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2018 19:51

At that early stage mum should be at home nursing baby.

Biscuit

And another Biscuit for your nauseating use of “baby” not “the baby”,

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2018 19:52

@Aisforahole exactly when should women be allowed out of the house Hmm

MissTeri · 03/01/2018 19:52

At that early stage mum should be at home nursing baby. - 'Baby' is bottle fed so that's a non issue - dad is just as capable of feeding 'baby' as mum is!

ForFuckSakeSusan · 03/01/2018 19:53

JustVent I agree, you are talking bollocks, glad you see that now.

AccrualIntentions · 03/01/2018 19:54

Well I'd be fucking furious if my DH did this, and I think he'd be justified in being equally furious if I did it. And I'd probably judge either parent for it too.

isadoradancing123 · 03/01/2018 19:56

After a 12 hr shift he needs to sleep. As does her mum if she is working next day

StepAwayFromGoogle · 03/01/2018 19:58

I think it's selfish, OP. Not to go out, but to be so drunk and stay out so long that she couldn't look after the baby so her OH wasn't able to sleep after his night shift. If it was a bloke doing that, everyone would be laying into him.

fallenblossom · 03/01/2018 20:00

Some people really shouldn't have children.

Going out on the piss when you have a 6 week old, and returning at 7am. Yeah I would judge too.

This is a tiny baby that needs it's mother. What mother wants to go boozing after just having a baby!?

georgie262 · 03/01/2018 20:01

Just reminded me of the time when my eldest was a bout 18 months went out with a friend. Sheepishly arrived home when DH and DS were already up. Tried to get DS to give me a cuddle he just gave me a dirty look and ran to his dad so me and friend went to bed for a few hours until we looked more normal. DH didn't give me a hard time about it but I still felt bad. But yeah, unless you are the Dad it's not really any of your business.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2018 20:01

This is a tiny baby that needs it's mother.

The baby was with its father.

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 20:02

@purpledaisies And another biscuit for your nauseating use of “baby” not “the baby”,

I thought it was only me who felt that!!! Grin WineWine

HermioneAndMsJones · 03/01/2018 20:02

Expecting to look after a 6 weeks old after a night and and before another shift is crap.
Expecting him to also look after a grown up woman who got pissed the night before, well....

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/01/2018 20:03

HV are autonomous practitioners they can record whatever they feel is pertinent in notes
HV monitor maternal mental health,baby health and development and assess the social and family milieu
However imo HV will not be perplexed that mum was out and baby safe with dad

Bluedoglead · 03/01/2018 20:03

Why say Mum works weeks time If she’s not back at work?

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 03/01/2018 20:03

Her going out isn't the issue.
But making her DH look after the baby when he's just come home from a 12 hour shift is imo shitty.

Dominithecat · 03/01/2018 20:04

*JustVent Wed 03-Jan-18 19:49:18
In my experience it’s put on System One.

But what do I know? All I do isn’t talk bollocks and must have witnessed bollocks. *

I call bullcrap
And I worked with HVs for years.

Just for info, I went out when my first was 10 weeks old, got hammered, threw up over a friends shoes, had a terrible hangover, didn't drink like that again for several years.
Shock horror left the baby with father.who was most capable.

HermioneAndMsJones · 03/01/2018 20:04

As for drinking, surely you also plan who is go g to look after the baby the day afetr whilst you are recovering??
(If you think it’s a good idea in the first place. At that stage i was so sleep deprived that I would not have considered that. Sleep was too precious!!)

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/01/2018 20:05

I went on a work night out 7week after birth of baby.it felt really liberating
Got to See adults,get dressed up,talk about something other than babies

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 20:06

WTF is system 1?! Is that like code red for the nappied brigade?

HermioneAndMsJones · 03/01/2018 20:06

Lipstick who says baby was safe with dad when he is coming out of a full night shift, hasn’t slept and will NEED some sleep during the day to be able to face his next night shift???
Aka this guy will need some hours of sleep during the day. Not an hour there and then....

Original poster
Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 20:07

I would be saying exactly the same if the roles were reversed (ie. dad doing that )

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/01/2018 20:08

I'd have judged too, both for the drinking and leaving a barely newborn child with a sitter.

Lots feel a baby shouldn't impact on socialising, drinking etc so it's not uncommon.